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scozza
Posts: 17602
   Old Thread  #2699 17 Nov 2021 at 7.36pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2698
Bloke goes to the sperm bank with his wife, they are trying for kids and he can’t get her pregnant. He decides to go for some tests.

Doctor comes over “if you would like to go in the cubicle over there and get me a sample in this bottle we will get It analysed. There are some magazines on the side if you need them”

His wife and the doctor are waiting outside. After 10 minutes of banging and clattering and all kinds of moaning noises his wife knocks on the door “have you done it yet?

“No”he replies “go away and keep quite, I am trying to concentrate”

After another 5 minutes the doctor knocks on the door, “are you alright in there?

Go away he says, I am trying my best, they stood waiting...

After another 5 minutes the door finally flys open and he staggers out of the cubicle dripping in sweat.“Well doctor, i can’t believe this, I’ve had it in my left hand, I’ve had it in my right hand, I have even had it in my mouth, I also trapped it in the gap of the door and I still can’t get the lid off this ****ing bottle
Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2698 19 Sept 2021 at 6.20pm  0  Login    Register
In Ireland, a young kid sits sobbing his heart out on his doorstep. A man walks past as says "What's the matter child?" "It's me mam", the kid wails "She's just died." "Sweet mother of Jesus, that is bad news" replied the man, "Shall I call a priest?" "No, it's alright" replied the kid, "I'm pretty upset as it is and don't want a sore bum as well!"
WaltG
Posts: 22
WaltG
   Old Thread  #2697 12 Aug 2021 at 1.12pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2683
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall - “Dam!”
WaltG
Posts: 22
WaltG
   Old Thread  #2696 12 Aug 2021 at 1.11pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2
What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument? - A bass drum.
Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2695 8 Jul 2021 at 6.09pm  0  Login    Register
Oxford University commissioned a study to understand why the penis has a bulbous tip. After several years research and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to heighten the sexual pleasure gained by the male.

Not to feel left out, Cambridge University also commissioned a study and after several years and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to heighten the pleasure gained by the female.

The Jocks felt they had to chip in their two pennyworth and commissioned Glasgow University to conduct a study. After several years and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to stop the male from smashing into his forehead!
harveyboy
Posts: 1438
   Old Thread  #2694 5 May 2021 at 5.55pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2693
Love it, although I admit had to think about it a few moments
Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2693 2 May 2021 at 7.43am  0  Login    Register
A women has been married for a few years and visits her mother. During the conversation, she mentioned that there had been some problems "in the bedroom." "I've been married to your father for 30 years and so nothing nothing you say can shock me." she said. "Well" replied the daughter, "he wants to stick it in my other other hole." "That's disgusting" boomed the mother, "I hope you refused." "Oh, of course I did" replied the daughter, "I don't want a houseful of bloody kids!"
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #2692 24 Feb 2021 at 1.09pm  0  Login    Register
Not the best of drives from Tiger Woods, straight in the rough
Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2691 9 Feb 2021 at 8.20am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2690
Or watch this one. An American women is terrified after the Trump election debacle and screams into her phone, priceless!

Heavy Metal Karen
mal
Posts: 8986
mal
   Old Thread  #2690 8 Feb 2021 at 4.32pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2689
I've seen a few of his videos. Bloody brilliant. You should check out the one with the angry shoppers...

Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2689 8 Feb 2021 at 7.25am  0  Login    Register
Watch this, the funniest thing I've ever seen on YouTube. Two religious nutcases handing down their judgement on Covid 19, while a bloke accompanies it with a heavy metal overlay.

Absolute nutters!
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2688 5 Feb 2021 at 3.10pm  0  Login    Register
Oops, wrong thread.
Golden-Paws
Posts: 240
Golden-Paws
   Old Thread  #2687 26 Jan 2021 at 7.06pm  0  Login    Register
I had a gay mate who played football in a "pink" league. He was a big Wolverhampton Wanders fan and had their initials tattooed on his buttocks. Every time he dropped the soap in the shower and went to pick it up, all his mates said "WoW!"
luckyjim
Posts: 3622
luckyjim
   Old Thread  #2686 18 Jan 2021 at 11.45pm  0  Login    Register
in reply to # 2682

scozza
Posts: 17602
   Old Thread  #2685 17 Jan 2021 at 8.01am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2683
Crackers
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