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catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #535 8 Nov 2012 at 4.02pm  0  Login    Register
John Terry has criticised the chelsea fan who did monkey gestures on Wednesday.
"He added to arch his back more and make his arms longer".
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #534 8 Nov 2012 at 3.58pm  0  Login    Register
As my wife lay dead on the floor with the weapon next to her the detective said"do you want to tell me what happened?"l was cleaning it and it went off"i replied "its a f--king bow and arrow sir" He shouted.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #533 8 Nov 2012 at 3.53pm  0  Login    Register
Clive Dunn's death reminds me of one of his catchphrases from Dad's Army:The Germans-they don't like it up em!
At least half of my extensive porn collection would prove this to be untrue.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #532 8 Nov 2012 at 3.05pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #531
hold your wish
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #531 8 Nov 2012 at 2.07pm  0  Login    Register
a fairy granted me a wish today , i said "i want to live forever"
the fairy said "sorry , cant do that"
i said " ok then , i want to die when arsenal win the league"
the fairy said " you crafty sod"
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #530 7 Nov 2012 at 11.11am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #528
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #529 6 Nov 2012 at 11.45am  0  Login    Register
I absolutely love my wifes @rse.It's not sexy or anything,but everytime i see it,i know she's f--king off
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #528 6 Nov 2012 at 7.00am  0  Login    Register
I saw a teenage girl busking today. She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing."Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd."Your thong," I replied with a wink.Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #527 4 Nov 2012 at 5.11pm  0  Login    Register
Who am i ??

I was all over the tv in the 70s and 80s but i have been largely obscure for the past 25 years.
I am closely linked with music of the 60s.
I am famous for wearing tacky shiny shell suits and sh-t haircuts.
I have been in trouble with the police and despised by the whole country......
And the answer is...............................A Liverpool Fan.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #526 4 Nov 2012 at 4.14pm  0  Login    Register
have you been struggling to make ends meet just now?

Do your outgoings far exceed your income?

Is the cost of this Christmas be coming a f--king big worry?

Well now would be a good time indeed to say Jimmy Savile w@nked you off....
deanmac
Posts: 315
deanmac
   Old Thread  #525 4 Nov 2012 at 3.20pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #523
i thought it was funny,in fact i nicked it and stuck it on facebook some people take things too seriously it was a joke
boilieking
Posts: 4700
boilieking
   Old Thread  #524 3 Nov 2012 at 9.58pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #523
thats sick mate
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #523 3 Nov 2012 at 7.21am  0  Login    Register
joke removed,due to lack of adult sense of humour,its only a joke you womble
ozzysgoat
Posts: 47
ozzysgoat
   Old Thread  #522 2 Nov 2012 at 10.09pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #515
breaking news......tropical storm Sandy has now been officially upgraded to 'British Summer'
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #521 2 Nov 2012 at 9.24pm  0  Login    Register
I told my wife that the chemistry has gone from our relationship.

She can't get anti-depressants any more and I've run out of Viagra.
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