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sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #655 4 Dec 2012 at 6.02pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #654
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #654 4 Dec 2012 at 5.56pm  0  Login    Register
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #653 4 Dec 2012 at 5.22pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #652
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #652 4 Dec 2012 at 5.00pm  0  Login    Register
Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where's your f@cking Ferrari??
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #651 4 Dec 2012 at 2.05pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #647
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #650 3 Dec 2012 at 9.04pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #647
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #649 3 Dec 2012 at 8.59pm  0  Login    Register
My missus has asked for something in silk for Christmas...
No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the f--king wrong colour!
carpy09
Posts: 13989
carpy09
   Old Thread  #648 3 Dec 2012 at 6.42pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #647
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #647 3 Dec 2012 at 6.29pm  0  Login    Register
Kate Middleton fell pregnant because William wasn’t able to use one of the best forms of contraception.

A tit ****.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #646 3 Dec 2012 at 5.05pm  0  Login    Register
Having green fingers is usually a good thing.

Unless you're with the hulk's daughter when he arrives home.
Carpbinhio
Posts: 479
Carpbinhio
   Old Thread  #645 3 Dec 2012 at 1.34pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #644
I was at a restaurant amd my waitress had a black eye....so i ordered rreeeaallllyyyy slow, because she obviously doesnt listen!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #644 2 Dec 2012 at 5.37pm  0  Login    Register
My mate from Toxteth has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet.I asked him which website he saw them on.he replied "Google Earth"
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #643 2 Dec 2012 at 11.40am  0  Login    Register
For years I thought I had a birthmark on my arse. It turned out to be a cigar burn.

Hows about that then?
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #642 2 Dec 2012 at 9.40am  0  Login    Register
The wife has been missing for over a week now.Police said to prepare for the worst,so I've been to the charity shop to get all her cloths back!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #641 2 Dec 2012 at 9.37am  0  Login    Register
My wife,being unhappy with my mood swings,bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that,when I'm in a good mood,it turns green and,when I'm in a bad mood,it leaves a big f--king red mark on her forehead.
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