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sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1537 14 Apr 2013 at 10.22am  0  Login    Register
School Register being read on the first day back at Birmingham Primary... Mustafa Al Eih Zeri? "Here, miss."Ahmed El Kabul? "Here, miss"Fatima Al Hayek? "Here miss"Ali Abdul Olmi? "Here, miss"Mohammed Bin Kadir? "Here, miss"Ali Son al En? no answer..Ali Son al En?? Still silence in the class. Ali Son al En? A girl stands up and says: "Sorry miss, I think that's me... It's pronounced Alison Allen..!
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1536 14 Apr 2013 at 10.14am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1532
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1535 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am  0  Login    Register
I was working in the local taxi office last night when I told my boss, "I've just heard one of the drivers sh@gging a woman in the back of his cab. He must have left the radio on by mistake."

"What's the frequency?" he asked.

"I think he's fcuked her three times.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1534 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am  0  Login    Register
The gossip mags are reporting Rihanna has broken up with Chris Brown after she caught him cheating with a waitress.

A source close to the couple says Rihanna knew something was up when Brown came home with another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
carpy09
Posts: 13985
carpy09
   Old Thread  #1533 13 Apr 2013 at 6.57pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1528
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1532 13 Apr 2013 at 6.52pm  0  Login    Register
A man in his 50's buys a beautiful pair of shoes on his way home from work. When he gets home he asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says no. At bed time he gets completely naked except for his new shoes and again asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says well let's see you've got the same old useless cock hanging limp as usual.

He says look at where it's "pointing". I bought new shoes!

His wife then says "you should have bought a new hat!
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1531 13 Apr 2013 at 6.31pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1528
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1530 13 Apr 2013 at 6.30pm  0  Login    Register
The wife and I were at home watching TV.
I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
She became more and more annoyed and finally said:
“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel!
You already know how to fish!”
andywilcock
Posts: 1921
andywilcock
   Old Thread  #1529 13 Apr 2013 at 11.57am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1528
Brilliant!
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1528 13 Apr 2013 at 7.29am  0  Login    Register
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried wiping their arse with an iPad.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1527 12 Apr 2013 at 9.35pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1521
wonderwall
Posts: 510
wonderwall
   Old Thread  #1526 12 Apr 2013 at 7.20pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1525
Best witch joke i seen thanks to Paul.....

Maggie Thatcher has only been in hell 20 minutes and she has already shut down 3 furnaces

and 1521 also had me in stiches

Paul I am pm you my photo album
carpy09
Posts: 13985
carpy09
   Old Thread  #1525 12 Apr 2013 at 7.16pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1519
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #1524 12 Apr 2013 at 6.42pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1523
my missus told me that my obsession with only fools and horses had ruined our marriage
she said , i want you out of this house now.
i said ok , ill fetch the suitcase from the van
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1523 12 Apr 2013 at 1.54pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1521
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