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I was at the beach with my young son when a beautiful, buxom brunette in a bikini walked by.
"Wow- look at her!" he exclaimed
"It's not polite to point like that in public, son," I told him. "Next time use your finger."
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In reply to Post #1575
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I walked up to a dwarf in a bar last night and said, "Do you fancy a fu*k?"
"No thanks," she replied, "You're a weirdo."
"I'm the ****ing weirdo?" I said, "You're the one who has been staring at my boll*cks for the last 20 minutes."
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Why have they pixelated one of the mourners faces at Thatcher's funeral,is he SAS or undercover security?.........no,wait,its just Simon Weston.
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In reply to Post #1572
 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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The wife wanted sex so I lay on the bed, waiting.
Eventually she entered the bedroom,naked.
"Hi darling!" she said "I thought tonight we'd try something different."
"Different, how?" I asked.
"I'm thinking @nal" she said
"An@l!? That's disgusting and.... unhygienic!" I cried.
"Don't worry, I've washed thoroughly. I think it will be a pleasurable experience."
"Pleasurable for you maybe. But then it's always all about you isn't it? It's always sucking your n1pples then licking you to orgasm while you scream and moan."
"Well, tonight it will be @nal, then nipples, then cl1toris. Or we can get your mate, Dave, over again. He did anything I asked. He's an animal! And you like to watch, remember?"
"I thought I'd like to watch" I said "But turns out I don't. So, ok then"
"Good boy." she said as she lowered her backside to my face.
That'll teach me to drink and drive, I thought, as I readied my tongue. I fcuking hate being paralysed from the neck down
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In reply to Post #1569
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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In reply to Post #1569
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The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.They pulled the sheet back to show her face."l can't be certain."l told him.The sheet went back a bit further to reveal her breasts and hard nipples "Sorry,but im still not sure."Then they took the sheet completely off and i had a good look at the body and shaved *****,"That's definitely not her,Officer""Are you sure?""Yep.My girlfriends not black.
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In reply to Post #1566
A top British scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bouncing up and down and prevents nipples from sticking out in cold weather,his colleagues have kicked his +++++++ head in!
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Women wake up yawning and men with an erection.
Coincidence?
I think not.
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In reply to Post #1552
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In reply to Post #1564
 #1556
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In reply to Post #1563
A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" The woman says, "No, f**k off." The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."
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In reply to Post #1561
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NON Carp stuff