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We have removed the last Joke thread due to the content i.e. Racist and offensive jokes/comments.
Please do not post any jokes or comments that are racist or that are likely to cause offense.
Anyone posting racist or highly offensive 'jokes/comments' will be banned from the forum.
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions. 
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I had a mate who "batted for the other side" and he was in a gay football league. He was an ardent Wolverhampton Wanderers fan and had their initials tattooed on his buttocks. Every time he went to pick up the soap in the shower, all his mates would go "WoW".
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In reply to Post #2775
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"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse!"
I should have bought a carbon monoxide alarm.
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In reply to Post #2773
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I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but that's Heinz sight.
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In reply to Post #2771
Took the wife out for dinner, we played footsie under the table, I had a steak and she got toad in the hole 
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One Saturday, I got up early to go fishing, but heavy rain and wind forced me to cancel.
I quietly undressed and slipped back into bed, cuddling up to my wife. "Terrible weather out there," I whispered.
Without turning around, she replied, "Can you believe my idiot husband went out fishing in this?"
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In reply to Post #2769
Good un that
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Just seen pep guardiola doing his weekly shopping.
I thought he’d be a Morrisons person but no, it’s LLLLLDL
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What do you say to a Contry and Western singer?
I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend left you, your dog died and your truck broke down!
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In reply to Post #2766
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Took a girl home after working the doors last night.
After a few drinks at mine, we went upstairs & while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said "I hope thats not that fat one from last week".
The girl said "What the fook was that?" "I said its that fooking memory foam mattress"
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In reply to Post #2764
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NON Carp stuff