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I stole a TV from my next door neighbour's kitchen but I think it's broken.
Every channel is a slow spinning bowl of porridge.
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In reply to Post #2100
That could be why you're single ralphy. 
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Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
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I told my office junior that I'd promote her if she gave me a blow job.
She did, so I wrote: "Samantha gives great head" on the gent's wall.
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Guy in the street shouts.."BLOW UP DOLLS £40!!-BLOW UP DOLLS £40!!"
Another guy walks past... "Hey mate.. I bought one of these yesterday and I blew it up and it went straight down"
Guy in the street shouts "BLOW UP DOLLS £70!!-BLOW UP DOLLS £70!!"
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It's a bad Valentine's Day when the lamppost by the pub gets more cards and flowers than I do.
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Apparently scientists are saying semen is 'good for women's health and helps fight depression'
It makes sense, because it's normally the miserable ones who don't ****ing swallow in the first place.
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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "Quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove past'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have visitors,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skateboard!
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!
Startled , his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.'
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There were five in the bed, and the little one said -
"These NHS cuts are getting a bit much."
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I went to see the doctor with my blonde wife:
"We've been trying & trying for a baby for months," said my wife. "I want to check everything is OK biologically - sometimes I think my husband doesn't care whether I get pregnant or not."
"Do you think you could provide an egg sample?" said the doctor.
"Yes," said my wife. "Last time we had sex he pulled out and came on my face."
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In reply to Post #2091
i've heard that ken barlow's in trouble for playing with haley's willy aswell
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Bit of a long shot but.....does anyone know of any vans for sale.... my mate roy croppers tranny has just died. 
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two giants walking up and down the lengh and breadth of britain.
one says to the other " where are we ? " 1st giant reaches down through the clouds and says " essex"
2nd giant says" how do you know ?", 1st giant says " i can feel range rovers and great big houses "
as they move up the country the 2nd giant says " where are we now ? " 1st giant reaches down and says "manchester" 2nd giant says " how do you know ? ", 1st giant says " i can feel old trafford "
as they move along a bit further 2nd giant says " where are we now" 1st giant reaches down and says " liverpool " 2nd giant says " how do you know that " 1st giant says " some **** has just nicked me watch " 
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In reply to Post #2088
The teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work their daddies did.
The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers.
One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.
There was much laughter and screaming, that is apart from little Tommy.
“Tommy, why do you look so sad?” asked the teacher.
Tommy slowly rose to his feet, and replied: “My Dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”
The other children remained silent, as Tommy continued.
“Sometimes, he doesn’t come home, and my Mummy sits crying.
Sometimes, he sells his body for other men’s pleasure.”
There were gasps around the classroom.
The teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go out and play.
She then walked up to little Tommy, put her arm around his shoulders, and asked: “Is all that true, Tommy?”
>
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“No, not at all Miss. He really plays cricket for England, but I was too embarrassed to say.”
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David Moyes has promised fans of Manchester United that they will be in a major European competition next year...even if he has to write the song himself .
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