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I went down to the morgue to identify my wife's body when just before the Mortician lifted the sheet some gas escaped resulting in a farting sound.
"I'm sorry, " he said, "this happens sometimes. "
"No need to lift the sheet, " I replied, "I would recognise that smell anywhere. "
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Why are some people so thick . Was out with my dog today this bloke came up to me and said what's that ?
So I told him , it's a dog
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A woman goes to the doctor and says I think I'm pregnant will you examine me so I know for sure, OK says doc get your kit off and jump on this (pointing to the couch) after a brief fondle in all departments the doc says no....it's wind, thank you says woman and goes home to tell her husband, a week goes bye and she visits the doc again.....I'm sure I'm pregnant will you check again for me........after another fondle in the canyon and everywhere else he says no as I said before its wind.....oh OK she says.....goes home and tells the old fella the news.....NO NO that's not right I'll come with you....doc confirms to them both "its wind".......the old geezer says your 100% sure.....yes says the doc.....with that the fella slaps his bobby dangler on the desk and says.....what do you think this is.........a bloody bicycle pump.
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In reply to Post #2379
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I saw a woman coming out of a building chanting "I MUST I MUST IMPROVE MY BUST" I said to her what's this all about, she said its a new type of enlargement therapy, I thought I would investigate, as I went into the lobby a guy came out chanting "HICKORY DICKORY DOCK
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In reply to Post #2377
Wife says to husband what would you say if you caught me in bed with your best friend
I'd call you a lesbian
no no what if it was a mas, what would you do I'd kick his guide dog
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2 New Years Resolutions:
- Wash hands after taking a sh1t at work.
- Improve on my Big Mac preparation time.
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In reply to Post #2375
Bloke says to his missus , why don't you tell me when you've had an orgasm?
She says , because I don't like ringing you at work
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In reply to Post #2374
Why did Adele cross the road,
To say hello from the other side
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In reply to Post #2373
stick that on the footy thread and get lashed
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In reply to Post #2372
Dennis law was asked yesterday if his team would beat this current man Utd side, yeah , 1-0 was
His reply.
When he was asked why would it only be 1-0 , his reply was , because we're all in our 70's now 
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What do transvesdites do at Christmas?
A> eat,drink,and be Mary
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In reply to Post #2369
My cracker joke . My phone only works in church , it's pray as you go
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In reply to Post #2369
CRACKERS!!!!!! CRACKERS!!!!!! who's cracker's
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i suppose you lot will be getting some new material for here now the cracker season is upon us 
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