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my sex change from male to female,went really well yesterday.
It was so successful,i'm still trying to reverse out of the f--king hospital car park.
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In reply to Post #256
 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room comple
tely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now??" Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!" To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat
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Apparently Rebecca Adlington's going to retire from swimming and become a wine taster.
She thinks she's got a nose for it.
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In reply to Post #253
sailing results are in ,,,, gb have taken gold .
usa have taken silver. somalia have taken a middle age couple from weymouth ,
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In reply to Post #243
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In reply to Post #238
A pirate walks into a bar and the bar man says I haven't seen you in a long time are you ok.
Pirate says I'm fine gives us a pint. The bar man says how you come by your wooden leg,
Pirate says we ended up in a fire fight with a British frigate in the bay of Biscay a cannon ball took my leg off hence the wooden one. And how did you come by your hook, we boarded a Spanish gallion looking for treasure ended up in a sword fight and had my hand cut of so I got this hook, the bar man says we'll what happened with eye , pirate says we where sailing out of port great flock of segulls overhead and one cr--ped in my eye, hang on says the barman you don't lose an eye because of bird poo. The pirate says it was the first day out with my HOOK.
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In reply to Post #243
Sik, I like that story 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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'50 SHADES OF CHAV'
Chapter 1.....
50 shades of Chav."As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His
favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fcuked his tea up after failing to de- frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which is rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.
To be continued... 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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The phone rings, a woman answers. A pervert,says;"I bet you have a tight hairless ass hole ."Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV; who shall I say is calling
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Q ~ What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A ~ Full
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Husband hires a hit man 2 kill his wife of 40 years. Hit man says I would shoot her just below her left tit. Husband says i want her dead not knee capped
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is it just me or have you noticed how much the chinese swimmers have improved since morcambe bay in 2004 ?
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In reply to Post #243
Kin iphone!!
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In reply to Post #243
Beltin!! 
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