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In reply to Post #539
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An 83 year old gentleman arrived in paris by plane.as he was fumbling in his bag for his passport a stern french lady asked if he had been to paris before.he admitted he had indeed previously .the lady sarcastically said then you should know to have your passport out and waiting sir.
The gentleman said i didn't have to show it last time.Impossible!!the woman said,you british have always had to show your passports to get through here.
The man responded by whispering,well when i came ashore on the beach on D day in 1944,i couldn't find any f--king french men to give it too! WEAR YOUR POPPY WITH PRIDE
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In reply to Post #537
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In reply to Post #536
My missus says she wants 5grand. I asks what for?
I want bigger boobs she says.
You don't need 5grand love, all you need is a piece of toilet roll,
Rub it between your boobs I say.
Really will it work?
Course it will, look what its done for your arse.
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Jimmy Savile spots Whitney Houston in Hell."Now then now then Whitney, what are you doing down here?""Something i shouldn't" she said "Too much pure crack in my dressing room.""That's exactly the reason I'm here." he replied.
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John Terry has criticised the chelsea fan who did monkey gestures on Wednesday.
"He added to arch his back more and make his arms longer".
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As my wife lay dead on the floor with the weapon next to her the detective said"do you want to tell me what happened?"l was cleaning it and it went off"i replied "its a f--king bow and arrow sir" He shouted.
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Clive Dunn's death reminds me of one of his catchphrases from Dad's Army:The Germans-they don't like it up em!
At least half of my extensive porn collection would prove this to be untrue.
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In reply to Post #531
 hold your wish
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a fairy granted me a wish today , i said "i want to live forever"
the fairy said "sorry , cant do that"
i said " ok then , i want to die when arsenal win the league"
the fairy said " you crafty sod"
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In reply to Post #528
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I absolutely love my wifes @rse.It's not sexy or anything,but everytime i see it,i know she's f--king off
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I saw a teenage girl busking today. She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing."Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd."Your thong," I replied with a wink.Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
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Who am i ??
I was all over the tv in the 70s and 80s but i have been largely obscure for the past 25 years.
I am closely linked with music of the 60s.
I am famous for wearing tacky shiny shell suits and sh-t haircuts.
I have been in trouble with the police and despised by the whole country......
And the answer is...............................A Liverpool Fan.
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have you been struggling to make ends meet just now?
Do your outgoings far exceed your income?
Is the cost of this Christmas be coming a f--king big worry?
Well now would be a good time indeed to say Jimmy Savile w@nked you off....
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