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andy_carper001
Posts: 584
andy_carper001
   Old Thread  #92 1 Apr 2012 at 7.00pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1
My girlfriend and I broke up due to religious differences...

She failed to worship me.
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #91 31 Mar 2012 at 9.42pm  0  Login    Register
Our Grandad died of a Viagra overdose.

To this day, we still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper.
carpy09
Posts: 13985
carpy09
   Old Thread  #90 30 Mar 2012 at 9.48pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #83
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #89 30 Mar 2012 at 9.28pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #83
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #88 30 Mar 2012 at 6.23pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #87
the village idiot decides to sell his car , so his mate says to him
"before you sell it , wind the clock back a bit"
good idea says the idiot.
he sees him a few days later and asks him how he got on.
he says ive decided to keep it now , its only done 7000 miles
bashmeister
Posts: 562
bashmeister
   Old Thread  #87 29 Mar 2012 at 9.09am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #86
Wayne Rooney went to see Fabrice Muamba in hospital...."it was amazing to see him, and he even strung a sentence together" said Fabrice
bashmeister
Posts: 562
bashmeister
   Old Thread  #86 28 Mar 2012 at 4.31pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #85
mods.......thats a lot worse than mine!!!!!!
PiedPiper
Posts: 119
PiedPiper
   Old Thread  #85 28 Mar 2012 at 0.29am  0  Login    Register
lol
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #84 27 Mar 2012 at 11.16pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #83
mal
Posts: 8986
mal
   Old Thread  #83 27 Mar 2012 at 11.04pm  0  Login    Register
When he thankfully regained consciousness, fabrice muamba asked about the football results. On being told that Torres had scored twice he replied 'bloody hell! How long was I out for?!?'

Cahors
Posts: 2477
Cahors
   Old Thread  #82 26 Mar 2012 at 4.53pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #81
sjaisie
Posts: 2789
   Old Thread  #81 26 Mar 2012 at 11.48am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #80
Predictive texting is for aunts!
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #80 25 Mar 2012 at 4.49pm  0  Login    Register
R.I.P. Jocky Wilson - not only a great darts player, but a great singer.I loved Reet Petite.
Stace
Posts: 14348
Stace
   Old Thread  #79 23 Mar 2012 at 10.04pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #75
Being told that there is a cure for dyslexia is music to my arse

Fantastic.
andy_carper001
Posts: 584
andy_carper001
   Old Thread  #78 23 Mar 2012 at 5.22pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1
What's hard, black and makes Tulisa look incompetent?

A microphone.
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