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catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #695 11 Dec 2012 at 6.30pm  0  Login    Register
Its been confirmed that the coin that struck Rio Ferdinand was actually a Euro,
as Man city fans no longer have any need for them.
carpy09
Posts: 13989
carpy09
   Old Thread  #694 11 Dec 2012 at 5.52pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #688
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #693 11 Dec 2012 at 5.45pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #688
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #692 11 Dec 2012 at 4.24pm  0  Login    Register
I was telling the lads in the pub about all the sex I'd been having with a Thai woman.

"We've been shagging non-stop for a month," I bragged.

One lad said, "She must've had her period at some point..."

I winked and said, "We don't have that problem."

They looked disgusted and said, "Is she a ladyboy?"

I said, "No. She's 85."
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #691 11 Dec 2012 at 3.05pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #684
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #690 11 Dec 2012 at 2.58pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #688
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #689 11 Dec 2012 at 2.57pm  0  Login    Register
"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old.

The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son.

When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #688 11 Dec 2012 at 1.21pm  0  Login    Register
I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.

She said to me, "Have you got a nickname?"

l said, "Yes, my mates call me 'the sledge.'

"She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride?"

l said, "No, it's because l always get pulled by fcuking dogs!!"
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #687 11 Dec 2012 at 7.07am  0  Login    Register
I said to the wife, "will you take it up the @rse?""You're f..king sick you are" she screamed."A lot of blokes ask their wives that" I said."Not when they're holding a fire extinguisher" she said
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #686 10 Dec 2012 at 6.57pm  0  Login    Register
See they are getting ready for the 2016 Olympics in Brazil... Already throwing money at Rio !!
SlugHunter
Posts: 22752
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #685 10 Dec 2012 at 1.42pm  0  Login    Register
"I'm never going to get a woman," moaned my mate."

Try using shower gel." I advised him.

"You think smelling better might help me?" he asked.

"No, but it'll make your lonely w@nks more enjoyable."
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #684 10 Dec 2012 at 1.41pm  0  Login    Register
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #683 10 Dec 2012 at 1.38pm  0  Login    Register
I'm not saying my new girlfriend is a sl@g or anything, But by the looks of her f@nny, I'm thinking it's more of a suggestion box
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2213
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #682 9 Dec 2012 at 10.02pm  0  Login    Register
I was shagging my blonde girlfriend when she said, "Cum all over me and I will not leave your bedroom until I've licked it all up."

3 years on she's still in my bedroom. **** knows how my jizz got onto her elbow.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #681 9 Dec 2012 at 7.46pm  0  Login    Register
So Rio Ferdinand has had a coin thrown at him by a Manchester City supporter...It's a case of 'The fan hitting the ****'.
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