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PPPIKER
Posts: 542
PPPIKER
   Old Thread  #2619 19 Dec 2018 at 8.36am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2618
A warning to all be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the shots Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my van at the pub and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2618 18 Dec 2018 at 6.46pm  0  Login    Register
Went to the doctors the other day , he told me to take up a hobby that gets me out of the pub ,
So I started smoking again
scozza
Posts: 17602
   Old Thread  #2617 12 Dec 2018 at 8.39pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2615
10 Pinter that

What’s the most popular owl in the world?

Tea towel


Why do they call pirates, pirates?

Cause they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."

ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2616 1 Dec 2018 at 9.29pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2615
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2615 1 Dec 2018 at 9.11pm  0  Login    Register
My son said to me ‘what rhymes with orange’. I said ‘it doesn’t’.
PPPIKER
Posts: 542
PPPIKER
   Old Thread  #2614 24 Nov 2018 at 5.41pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2613

Tampax have announced that they are to replace the string with tinsel, but only for the Christmas period.
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2613 19 Nov 2018 at 5.15pm  0  Login    Register
Was late the other day on my way to work. Got stuck behind a tractor as the driver was shouting ‘the end of the world is coming, the end of the world is coming, the end of the world is nigh’. I think it was farmer Geddon.
PPPIKER
Posts: 542
PPPIKER
   Old Thread  #2612 22 Oct 2018 at 7.39pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2611
Son- Dad why is my sister called Teresa
Dad- Because you’re mum loves Easter - it’s an anagram
Son- Thanks Dad
Dad- No problem Alan
🥊🥊
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2611 10 Oct 2018 at 10.31pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2610


I’m here all week...
Theblankfather
Posts: 1405
   Old Thread  #2610 9 Oct 2018 at 10.27pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2609
Now that's better .
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2609 9 Oct 2018 at 8.51am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2608
The letter ‘u’ would appropriately fit in there somewhere.
Theblankfather
Posts: 1405
   Old Thread  #2608 1 Oct 2018 at 11.52pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2607
Hmmm
tazi
Posts: 4777
tazi
   Old Thread  #2607 23 Sept 2018 at 10.23pm  0  Login    Register
What goes in and out and stinks of p155?.















Your grandparents doing the Hokey Cokey.
Theblankfather
Posts: 1405
   Old Thread  #2606 23 Sept 2018 at 11.19am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2605
ralph69
Posts: 10386
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2605 29 Aug 2018 at 9.44pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #2604
, i went into the jewellers today and said to the fella , " I've come to buy a watch " , he said analogue , I said no , just the watch
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