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 #66 8 Sept 2021 at 7.49pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #65
Not true my fermented maize is just as important 
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| | | Frenzy | | Posts: 10087 |  | | [ MODERATOR ] | |
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#65 8 Sept 2021 at 6.06pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1
losing a family down to carp 
what a sad thing
family comes before EVERYTHING
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#64 7 Sept 2021 at 12.48pm | | |
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In reply to Post #63
Your ex husband probably says the same 
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#63 6 Sept 2021 at 9.05pm | | |
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In reply to Post #60
I divorced last year and to be honest, it was my best decision. My last relationship was toxic so it's definitely great to be single now. Besides, I can do whatever I want. If I am bored, I just sign up on online dating websites and have some fun. By the way, it's a good option to meet new people, especially due to the latest situation in the world. For example, visit this website https://datehookup.dating/singles-fl-miami-7.htm
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#60 5 Sept 2019 at 1.05pm | | |
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I'm separated from two long term partners, never married, although despite my fishing obsession, it wasn't exactly down to fishing being the cause.
My first ex suffered severe post natal depression, so I quit work to look after her and my daughter. At weekends I needed time to me, so I would fish Friday until Sunday morning as she would go to her mothers for the weekend. Sunday I would get home and take her and my daughter out.
Unfortunately my ex's depression and coping by drinking turned into becoming an alcoholic. I tried to help her beat both problems, but got to the stage she moved back to her parents where she was drinking every night.
For a few years I looked after my daughter myself around my work and fishing, Shauna would come with me on school holidays, and I would only fish overnight when she was off school.
I met my second Mrs when I was a mature student at college, where I had saved up to fund myself through an HND while working most nights.
When I left college I got into managing bars, restaurants and hotels as well as keeping up some of my doorwork and self-employed bits, but working away for 3/4 days to earn better money than locally put a strain on her and our two children.
In the end my Ex said it was work locally or split up, but even working locally didn't keep her happy, so we did break up, and that was a train wreck with two children involved.
Now I'm happy being single as unless you are in the hospitality industry you don't understand the shifts
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#59 5 Sept 2019 at 12.48pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1
I have 2 kids of 3 years and 5 months and since the first kid pretty much all my fishing is overnighters. Once a week if it's possible. During vacation time possibly more. Some times I take my oldest with me partly to aid my girlfriend but also since he really loves it.
Losing the family because of too much absence is not an option for me.
However I also think that if you can't solve problems you have it's not better for the kids to live in a toxic home environment anyway and then a split is a better solution.
I must say though, I work in the angling business and meet a lot of people that fish and I have heard so many times, people actually advising others to split in order to have the kids only half the time hence gaining more fishing time.
That crap pisses me off so bad. With kids comes responsibility. Make sure to take it.
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#58 5 Sept 2019 at 12.32pm | | |
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My mrs of 23 years never had a problem with me going. Never wanted to do longer than 12 hours at a time. 2 kids, one with special needs. Overnights or short days when they are at school. Always encouraged her to go out and do her activities, especially during the bait making years.
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#57 4 Sept 2019 at 7.27pm | | |
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In reply to Post #56
been there and have that tee shirt...… being honest with myself , every Friday after work for 24 hrs was enough for the cow to drop her pants elsewhere,,,,, just keep eye on how much you put into your hobby , some will be very lucky people , some won't be so lucky...….. 5 years on and current mrs doesn't seem to mind but I won't push it 
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#56 4 Sept 2019 at 2.56pm | | |
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In reply to Post #47
Been there, wasted a good few years with one of them, couldnt even enjoy my fishing in the end, as i knew deep down she was a ditch Pig, and would be sneaking around while i wasnt there.
Shes long gone, and alls good, 4 years with my lady, and no issues at all involving fishing, work, friends, grandchildren...shes always busy.
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#55 4 Sept 2019 at 10.47am | | |
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Been with my wife 37yrs and i have been the luckiest bloke ever
my wife had a good job in banking and i was a self employed 360 excavator operator so could pick and choose my work
we had a deal whereby i had to earn x number of pounds a year and then could do what i liked
so in theory i could work 100hr weeks in the winter and take the summer off
we had a deal that if she was working away from home i could fish 5 nights a week and if working from home i would fish 1 night a week so i just crammed the hrs in when she was working from home
in the early 2000's i would work 5 weeks straight and then a week on the ebro then back to work and repeat i loved it but it was tiring after 2 years as i ended guiding for mates and it became a chore so gave up fishing their full time as it were and cut down to a couple of weeks their with the Mrs
and started putting silly hrs into my river fishing
now im living in Spain and after 3yrs off fishing i have got my mojo back and started fishing again and yes the wife is coming with me on the bank ....
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#54 1 Sept 2019 at 11.24am | | |
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In reply to Post #49
The secret...I showed her this and asked if it was OK to post it
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#53 1 Sept 2019 at 3.28am | | |
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In reply to Post #52
I go every week knowing that one day she will just say sod it me and the kids are off
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#52 1 Sept 2019 at 3.27am | | |
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#51 1 Sept 2019 at 3.18am | | |
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In reply to Post #50
**** me owns a pub and goes fishing, ain’t got any sisters has she ?
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#50 1 Sept 2019 at 0.08am | | |
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Married with my 1st wife for 2 years.
We were together for 6 years and i have a son with her and he loves fishing.
Then i got to know my current missus.
She and her 3 lovely daughters love fishing as well wich is a great bonus!
We're married for 3 years now and all goes nicely.
We own and run a pub in Belgium and go out fishing on a weekly basis.
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#49 31 Aug 2019 at 11.35pm | | |
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Been married for 37 years.
I manage to get quite a bit of time on the bank still, plus a France trip every year. I think the world of her.
The secret...I showed her this and asked if it was OK to post it 
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#48 30 Aug 2019 at 10.14pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2
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#47 29 Aug 2019 at 10.28pm | | |
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could write a book about my past xs..would be a few thousand pages though..now with someone who has her own hobbys, thats my past mistakes, met someone who did fck all day apart from sit on there arse..
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#46 29 Aug 2019 at 9.40pm | | |
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In reply to Post #45
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#45 29 Aug 2019 at 8.19pm | | |
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In reply to Post #43
You must be his brother Cess Pitt
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#44 29 Aug 2019 at 7.29pm | | |
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In reply to Post #42
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#43 29 Aug 2019 at 7.28pm | | |
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In reply to Post #41
Well, yeah.
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#42 29 Aug 2019 at 6.53pm | | |
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In reply to Post #40
Crackers, the pair of yer
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#41 29 Aug 2019 at 5.57pm | | |
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In reply to Post #40
I bet she thinks she has married Brad Pitt hey
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#40 29 Aug 2019 at 1.34pm | | |
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In reply to Post #38
I wouldn’t have posted anything at all if the munting munter could read.
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#39 29 Aug 2019 at 12.52pm | | |
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In reply to Post #35
Cheers mate! Will do.. seems to be on the mend to be honest
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#38 29 Aug 2019 at 6.14am | | |
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In reply to Post #32
I hope she doesn’t read carp forum or you may be next
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#37 29 Aug 2019 at 0.35am | | |
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I split from my daughters mum best thing I ever did absolutely lived a lie for about 3 years before I decided to go.I did not want my daughters to go through the split up of their parents but I could take no more.I fished loads to get out of the house but was missing my daughters growing up because of it.I now have my youngest daughter living with me and my wife and two stepsons.Fishing just does not seem that important to me at the moment as when I'm there I want to be doing things with my family instead.
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#36 29 Aug 2019 at 0.21am | | |
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In reply to Post #35
Well, the big 'itll never happen to me' happend to me 5 years ago. The mrs wanted out. Dont wish it on anyone, worst thing I've been through. We have 3 kids. I must admit, when we first split I thought I'd probably be fishing loads...... wrong. X3 kids on weekends, work ect meant I had no choice but to step back from fishing. I'd been 3 times in 5 years. Dont get me wrong, my kids are everything, so they are always the priority. They all grown up now with uni ect, so started to hit the bank again.
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#35 28 Aug 2019 at 10.56pm | | |
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In reply to Post #30
Hope it works out well mate. Give it your best shot.
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#34 28 Aug 2019 at 10.55pm | | |
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In reply to Post #33
I try and get a night in a week , however if I detect we need to do something else I will not go , been with my wife over 30 years, married 27 years , it is all about balance at the end of the day.
I have not been at all this august , two reasons really, 1 I hate aug for fishing and secondly some family time , still have a 10 yr old with us out of the 4 kids we have. Yes I was a bit selfish when younger , but over time , maturity and common sense has to happen. " It's a Hobby"
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#33 28 Aug 2019 at 10.40pm | | |
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In reply to Post #31
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#32 28 Aug 2019 at 10.38pm | | |
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In reply to Post #28
First light until dark, take your time.
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#31 28 Aug 2019 at 10.03pm | | |
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In reply to Post #27
Cooks a wicked oatcake breakfast though 
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#30 28 Aug 2019 at 9.54pm | | |
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In reply to Post #29
Also to add, I was fishing every weekend when we met each other 13 years ago, we have 2 kids, aged 9 and 3 and I now fish 1-2 nights every 3-4 weeks to allow family time. She works nights I work days so only see each other really at the weekends.. its big a rough ride as our kids our extremely demanding!
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#29 28 Aug 2019 at 9.48pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1
I have been going through s bit of a rough period with the mrs questioning whether it's right and were happy etc. I would imagine as I can relate, that the more the marriage isn't right the more your mate will use fishing as an escape and become more obsessed, but I imagine there are other underlying reasons behind the marriage breakdown and fishing is kinda the symptom not necessarily the cause, I may be wrong but I'm just thinking from my experience.
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#28 28 Aug 2019 at 9.41pm | | |
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In reply to Post #27
Told yer, what time are you going out ?
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#27 28 Aug 2019 at 9.36pm | | |
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The wife is only all to happy kick me out in which I’m only all to happy oblige.
Mind you though she is a fcuking munter.
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#26 28 Aug 2019 at 7.42pm | | |
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I got divorced, was deffo the right thing at the time for me, no interest whatsoever, got pestered into getting married and it didn’t work out well, surprise, fishing was an influence but I did not give a **** at the time, thankfully I did not have kids to her
Carpfishing is a very selfish pastime and is not proactive to a long lasting relationship for me. You either need to plan your fishing around family life if serious or your mrs is very ugly if your going regular
Nothing and nobody gets more respect from me than a working man doing the family things and in pursuit of carp, it’s tricky, time consuming and a frustrating game but passion keeps you going. Real life, not fantasy
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#25 28 Aug 2019 at 6.21pm | | |
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In reply to Post #14
I only fish day sessions, purely because i don't like night fishing, i have crippling insomnia at the best of times and night fishing just left me feeling terrible in the morning.
Early morning starts and off for mid morning unless they appear on the surface then i might have a go for them off the top.
I don't have a wife and kids myself, but my dad soon stopped taking me fishing as much as a child because my mother used to whinge at being left at home for the weekend lol.
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#24 28 Aug 2019 at 5.05pm | | |
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I was quite late to carp fishing, I didn't start until two years ago (35 at the time) . I spent every spare minute I could on the bank. My wife eventually said I was spending too much time doing it, especially since i was spending a great deal of time with work in the US, and I pulled it right back as she is by far and away the most important person in my life. It also wasn't fair I would be coming home from 2 weeks away and go fishing. At that point I reduced it to one weekend (as in Sat-Sun) per month. Happily I have since changed jobs which leaves me able to get away early on a Thurs and not have to work until midday on a Friday, perfect overnighter that doesn't infringe on 'us time' on a weekend.
Interestingly it has also given me more options on syndicates as weekday tickets are easier to get.
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#23 28 Aug 2019 at 12.35pm | | |
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I think I must be a really lucky chap,my wife really supports my Angling,honestly I could go for as long as I want when I want,i`m now semi retired at 54....but do you know what I don't want to anymore,one short overnighter a week is all I need or a long day session,maybe a bit of a coastal wild camp ,who knows...
There are lots of things outside of angling that we have planned together....However I wasn`t always like this,i`m embarrassed to show how many lakes ive fished and caught from,all time I could have spent with my lovely lady,i WAS selfish....and she never ever complained,not once..!!!
Lasy year I lost a good friend,my prot aged 43,last week his step father passed ,both good angling friends of mine ,same village ,dog walking route etc ,ie,close….it makes you think,reminds one of how you spend time with the people you love and care about the most,....We are a long time DEAD....
Having said this ,and I said how lucky I am with my wife ,she has always maintained that to keep any relationship alive ,separate interests are good for the soul and marriage...….
years ago i had a carp themed road show come to my area ,sponsored by ,at the time some well known anglers and the associated companies,apart from my uncle everyone of them was divorced through carp angling....
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#22 28 Aug 2019 at 12.16pm | | |
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In reply to Post #21
If I do two or more nights on the trot it costs me a takeaway and a bottle of fizzy wine (she calls it 'fishing tax'). She has no problem with me going because she wants me to be happy, she has days out and it's well balanced. We have 4 kids so I really do appreciate her understanding my passion.
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#21 28 Aug 2019 at 10.16am | | |
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When she was 16 and I was 17 a lovely girl fluttered her eye lashes at me and said "But you'd give up fishing if I asked you - wouldn't you?"
I said "Sure, just never ask me"
We are still together 45 years later. But I've always been reasonable and she has always been encouraging so it's been relatively easy. I can see how fishing can make the misses feel like she's somewhere behind it in the energy and affection a man can give. We should all surprise them occasionally like coming home early with a bunch of daffs and a bottle of plonk.
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#20 28 Aug 2019 at 9.21am | | |
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In reply to Post #16
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#19 28 Aug 2019 at 9.10am | | |
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In reply to Post #15
I also done a few of those last summer. It just felt like my chance was gone by 9 if i'm honest. So not only had I already lost 2 hours mentally I was knackered for the rest of the day lol.
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#18 28 Aug 2019 at 9.10am | | |
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In reply to Post #15
I also done a few of those last summer. It just felt like my chance was gone by 9 if i'm honest. So not only had I already lost 2 hours mentally I was knackered for the rest of the day lol.
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#17 28 Aug 2019 at 9.10am | | |
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In reply to Post #15
I also done a few of those last summer. It just felt like my chance was gone by 9 if i'm honest. So not only had I already lost 2 hours mentally I was knackered for the rest of the day lol.
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#16 28 Aug 2019 at 9.04am | | |
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In reply to Post #15
Haha I know what you mean mate. What I kind of meant is that it feels like a full session.
In effect you are fishing during pretty much the entire feeding spell on most of my waters, an overnighter means a load of faffing about and most of the time is wasted.
Early starts and tactical baiting in between. It keeps the fire burning for me.
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#15 28 Aug 2019 at 9.00am | | |
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In reply to Post #14
Getting down to the pit at 4am and fishing until 11am....it feels like a long trip when you are really up for it!
You need to pass on your wisdom to me then mate as I'm also doing 4-11am morning sessions due to the little'n and it feels like it lasts abut 10 seconds
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#14 28 Aug 2019 at 8.52am | | |
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The effect that divorce has upon children can cause lifelong problems.
To cause all that for a carp is unforgiveable.
I used to fish a lot of nights for many years. I have now probably done 30 nights fishing in the last 10 years since having kids. Have I missed it...no! I still carp fish and have not compromised the integrity of my fishing in the slightest. Early morning sessions are a real eye opener. Getting down to the pit at 4am and fishing until 11am....it feels like a long trip when you are really up for it!
Anyway, my type of fishing is on the downward projectory....Low stock waters, history fish. The otters have seriously knackered things. But that’s life, I have discovered fishing for barbel, big roach, pike etc etc....and guess what, you don’t need to fish nights and knacker your family life doing it!
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#13 28 Aug 2019 at 8.09am | | |
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In reply to Post #12
Well said . If I ever become close to losing everything I have over fishing I hope somebody gives me a good shake . When I first discovered carp fishing I did become very selfish with it , it did almost break me and my wife up (then girlfriend) Luckily I salvaged it and learnt a few lessons at the same time , I was a lot younger then and hadn’t matured fully.
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#12 28 Aug 2019 at 7.36am | | |
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Many of us would admit that carp angling is an addiction but imo losing your family over it is unforgivable. I am as obsessed as the next man but the thought of losing the Mrs and lad over it renders me almost speechless.
You need to channel that energy into working around your family time, not replacing it.
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#11 28 Aug 2019 at 6.23am | | |
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In reply to Post #6
I'll always ask the Missus before I go. She has never said "No"....
Most of my fishing is done mid-week as I get Tuesdays off, and she is at work anyway.
Went to France for the week last year with my daughter and this year with some lads from White Cottage. She didn't have a problem with that.
Normally go to a lovely place called "The Retreat" and she will come with us as there is a smashing Gite there where she can relax. Fish early mornings and evenings only, day is spent doing what she wants to do. Be that shopping, bbq, restaurant etc.
She will be my net fairy on those trips and spend the time sitting lakeside reading a book, catching a bit of evening sun that sort of thing.
If it were ever a problem for her, I wouldn't go. Simples.
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#10 28 Aug 2019 at 6.18am | | |
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In reply to Post #9
Use to do 100 nights plus before kids but since my 2 daughters were born it went down to hardly any... Not because I couldnt do it it is just after 2 nights it just feels strange, I miss kids and wife to much. I probably cut my 4 days trips down to 2 on 90% of trips. I take my kids fishing with me but rhey want to see and do so many different things I dont have the heart to tie them to one activity. I think it comes natural off course in different forms to all of us and if you dont feel it than there are other issues involved in relationship not just fishing.
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I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I threw away watching the kids grow up for the sake of a carp. I’ve turned down quite a few syndicates purely because I don’t have the time they warrant and have already told myself my fishing will properly come back when they grow up. That said I do take the eldest fishing and he seems to enjoy it. Out of 4 kids one will be a fisherman if it kills me 😂😂
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In reply to Post #6
Yup. Completely agree with that. Even now, when the children have moved on, I seldom fish week ends.
I’ve been divorced once (nothing to do with fishing though) and it’s too painful
to risk that again just to catch a fish.
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In reply to Post #6
Good man. Sounds like you've got it sussed.
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In reply to Post #1
I made it quite clear to the Mrs that I love my fishing when I first met her, so she knows what to expect 😉
But now having 4 kids I rarely fish a weekend as it’s family time waisted, I mainly stick to overnighters for 95% of my fishing and tbh I do alright and the family get to see me and are happy. It’s all about balance.
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Been there, done that, worn out the t-shirt! Thankfully my current wife now tells me to go fishing whenever I want & even comes to the tackle shops with me to buy me stuff!
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In reply to Post #1
Balance is required, give n take. Family is more important than fishing, if you have kids you can put fishing on the back burner for 15 years or so, just enjoy the time you do get out.
After that though you can get back into it👍
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It's always a shame when a family is split for whatever the reason, life is a balance and getting the balance right is the difficult bit. I'm lucky I have an understanding wife of 38 years and two grown up daughters (and have always had a full time job). I normally spend four nights a month on the bank, spend a few days out of my annual leave when I feel I need to be on the bank and have an annual French break. But I also make time time for my family and respect my wife's hobbies/free time. I'm no angel but try to make the balance work and don't take the urine!
Sorry to hear of your mates plight I hope they can sort their marriage issues out.
Michael
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In reply to Post #1
I cant wait for my divorce so I can actually go fishing.
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Hi All
I unfortunately found out today that one of my oldest friends is getting divorced. Great guy, wonderful family with 3 children going to waste.
The main reason behind it is his obsession with carp and the amount of time and money it took away from the family.
Kind of a big reminder its just a sport / hobby
There are more important things in life
Best
Jon
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