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 #1810 5 Jun 2013 at 10.52pm | |  |   |
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Roberto Martinez has promised to bring Champions League football to Goodison Park.
He aims to have Sky Sports installed by September.
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#1809 5 Jun 2013 at 2.38pm | | | |
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Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall.
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.
I feel a bit guilty about the w@nk now.
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#1808 4 Jun 2013 at 11.38pm | | | |
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The big-titted blonde from next door lent over the garden fence earlier dressed in just a see-through negligee, and asked if I could pound her pussy.
I phoned my mate Dave from the animal shelter, and he popped round.
He was there for three hours, and left with a big smile on his face, but no cat.
Strange.
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#1807 4 Jun 2013 at 7.58pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1806
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#1806 4 Jun 2013 at 7.50pm | | | |
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So Tulisa has been arrested for dealing Class A drugs...
I guess we won't be seeing 'Share a Coke with Tulisa' on bottles anytime soon.
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#1805 3 Jun 2013 at 8.09pm | | | |
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Wearing crocs is like being sucked off by a man.
It feels great but when you look down you can see it is just wrong.
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#1804 3 Jun 2013 at 8.04pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1803
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#1803 3 Jun 2013 at 6.29pm | | | |
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Brazil's new stadium looks good, I expected the pitch to just be a strip of turf on the edge of the box.
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#1802 3 Jun 2013 at 8.46am | | | |
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I accidentally wore my w@nk sock to work yesterday.
Now I've got to pretend I broke my leg skiing for the next three months so I don't look creepy.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#1801 3 Jun 2013 at 7.48am | | | |
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What do you get if you can catch a tan Monday to Friday?
Job seekers allowance
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#1800 2 Jun 2013 at 4.33pm | | | |
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I have a Scottish friend, who last year married a Native American girl, and the couple recently celebrated the birth of a baby boy.
Choosing the name proved to be very contentious, though.
He wanted to give him a Scot's name, while she wanted to give him a traditional Mohican one.
Thankfully, they sorted it, and I was really honoured when they asked me if I would be Godfather to little Hawkeye The Noo.
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#1799 2 Jun 2013 at 1.56pm | | | |
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I was flirting with a couple of girls at the bar last night when suddenly my wife called me.
She said, "Dave, where are you?"
I styled it out by remaining silent and just continued to smile at the girls.
"Dave, where the **** are you?" she screamed even louder.
Again I remained silent and took a sip of my pint.
This went on for a good 30 seconds before my wife eventually picked up her white stick and walked out.
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#1798 2 Jun 2013 at 10.31am | | | |
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In reply to Post #1797
Digging up the garden this morning,I found a Land Rover buried 6ft down...which was a nice discovery. 
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#1797 1 Jun 2013 at 11.52pm | | | |
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My Geordie girlfriend found a pair of knickers in the glove box of the car.
"What the **** are these?" she asked.
"Knickers," I replied.
"Oh. I've heard about them, but I've never seen a pair."
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#1796 1 Jun 2013 at 9.54pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1795
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