CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1810 5 Jun 2013 at 10.52pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Roberto Martinez has promised to bring Champions League football to Goodison Park.

He aims to have Sky Sports installed by September.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1809 5 Jun 2013 at 2.38pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall.

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help.

I feel a bit guilty about the w@nk now.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1808 4 Jun 2013 at 11.38pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The big-titted blonde from next door lent over the garden fence earlier dressed in just a see-through negligee, and asked if I could pound her pussy.

I phoned my mate Dave from the animal shelter, and he popped round.

He was there for three hours, and left with a big smile on his face, but no cat.

Strange.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1807 4 Jun 2013 at 7.58pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1806
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
   Old Thread  #1806 4 Jun 2013 at 7.50pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So Tulisa has been arrested for dealing Class A drugs...

I guess we won't be seeing 'Share a Coke with Tulisa' on bottles anytime soon.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1805 3 Jun 2013 at 8.09pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Wearing crocs is like being sucked off by a man.

It feels great but when you look down you can see it is just wrong.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1804 3 Jun 2013 at 8.04pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1803
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #1803 3 Jun 2013 at 6.29pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Brazil's new stadium looks good, I expected the pitch to just be a strip of turf on the edge of the box.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1802 3 Jun 2013 at 8.46am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I accidentally wore my w@nk sock to work yesterday.

Now I've got to pretend I broke my leg skiing for the next three months so I don't look creepy.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1801 3 Jun 2013 at 7.48am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What do you get if you can catch a tan Monday to Friday?

Job seekers allowance
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1800 2 Jun 2013 at 4.33pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I have a Scottish friend, who last year married a Native American girl, and the couple recently celebrated the birth of a baby boy.

Choosing the name proved to be very contentious, though.

He wanted to give him a Scot's name, while she wanted to give him a traditional Mohican one.

Thankfully, they sorted it, and I was really honoured when they asked me if I would be Godfather to little Hawkeye The Noo.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1799 2 Jun 2013 at 1.56pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was flirting with a couple of girls at the bar last night when suddenly my wife called me.

She said, "Dave, where are you?"

I styled it out by remaining silent and just continued to smile at the girls.

"Dave, where the **** are you?" she screamed even louder.

Again I remained silent and took a sip of my pint.

This went on for a good 30 seconds before my wife eventually picked up her white stick and walked out.
nwpiker41 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of nwpiker41 (Bob)
Contact details supplied to MODs
nwpiker41
Posts: 8093
   Old Thread  #1798 2 Jun 2013 at 10.31am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1797
Digging up the garden this morning,I found a Land Rover buried 6ft down...which was a nice discovery.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1797 1 Jun 2013 at 11.52pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My Geordie girlfriend found a pair of knickers in the glove box of the car.

"What the **** are these?" she asked.

"Knickers," I replied.

"Oh. I've heard about them, but I've never seen a pair."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #1796 1 Jun 2013 at 9.54pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1795
Page: 62.3333333333333 of 182  
  
   Copyright 2002-2022  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk