CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1766 23 May 2013 at 9.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A business man is dating a girl who is addicted to sex.

He really loves her, and of course hes a man so he doesn't mind it.

Well because he has to travel a lot for his job but he was afraid his girl would cheat on him. So he went to an adult store in search of something for her to use. A clerk came up to him and asked him what he was looking for, he explained his situation and the clerk told him that he had just the perfect thing for him. He led the business man to the back of the store and pulled out a wooden box. He explained "alright, inside this box is a voodoo dildo. All you gotta do it say voodoo dildo whatever it is you want it too and open the box. Like this: Voodoo dildo the door,"he opened the box and the dildo jumped out and went over and started humping the door. "To get it back in all you gotta do is say voodoo dildo back in the box." and the dildo got back in. So the man bought it and took it home. He explained to his girlfriend that all she had to do when she got horny was tell the dick "voodoo dick my pussy" and it would do it. So he left and went on his trip. Not long after his girl got horny so she opened the box and said "voodoo dildo my pussy" it jumped out and started giving it too her. Well after hours and hours of amazing satisfaction, she realized she didnt know how to make it stop. So after trying and trying she got into her car and decided to go to the hospital, on the way she swerved all over the road. A passing cop saw this and pulled her over. The woman explained the situation and the cop scoffed and said "Hah...voodoo dildo my arse"
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10143
   Old Thread  #1765 23 May 2013 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1756
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1764 23 May 2013 at 2.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"You know, it was roasting in bed last night.." I said to the wife.

"But with you there, it was like sleeping next to a fridge."

"Oh come on!" She protested.

"You can't say I'm cold."

"No, you're not." I agreed.

"But you ARE huge and full of food."
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1763 22 May 2013 at 8.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1760
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #1762 22 May 2013 at 8.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If you want to bet live in fight during the next Audley Harrison fight, make sure you sign into your account before round 1 starts.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1761 22 May 2013 at 6.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
On my way to work this morning i noticed the man driving next to me was texting whilst driving.
Knowing how dangerous that can be,i promptly rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1760 22 May 2013 at 6.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
CLAIM,,CLAIM,,CLAIM,,,were you abused by a celebrity in the seventies or eighties???Did Jim fix it for you??Where you one of rolfs two little boys??Did you get serviced in Kevin webster's garage??Remember,Where there's a stain,there's a claim!!

Simply send a Email to MYARSEISSTILLSORE.com to start your fraudulent claim!!!!
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1759 22 May 2013 at 6.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1756
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1758 22 May 2013 at 2.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My boss called me into his office and told me to go into the restroom and masturbate..

I came back and told him I'd finished to which he ordered me to go and do it again.

On my return I told him I had done the deed and he ordered me to go and do it again!

I explained that I couldn't possibly do it so soon.

He then threw his car keys too me and said "Now you can run my daughter home"
baggiebob is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of baggiebob (Rob)
baggiebob
Posts: 263
   Old Thread  #1757 22 May 2013 at 1.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1756
Stoke city have announced they have short listed 6 new managers to replace Tony Pulis.
1) - Sir clive woodward
2) - Andy Robison
3) - Brian Ashton
4) - Rob Andrew
5) - Martin Johnson
6) - Stuart Lancaster
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1756 21 May 2013 at 11.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Saw a dwarf carrying a TV back to his car earlier.

"Jesus," I said, "Can you manage that Plasma Telly ok on yer own mate?"

"Ha ha ha, you cheeky ****er!" he said, "It's a ****ing Kindle!"
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #1755 21 May 2013 at 9.56am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Children, can anyone tell me where babies come from?" enquired the teacher.

"Please miss, me!" shouted a scruffy looking lad from the back of the class.

"Okay Johnny, go ahead and this had better be good"

"Well I'm sure I'm the result of a c*nt and a pr1ck having sex," answered an excited Johnny.

"Don't you mean a penis and a vagina?" tutted the teacher.

"No miss, I'm pretty sure my mum and dad don't call each other that"
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1754 21 May 2013 at 6.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1752
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1753 21 May 2013 at 6.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1751
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10143
   Old Thread  #1752 20 May 2013 at 4.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
paddy pulls up at the traffic lights and a really fit bird pulls up next to him
paddy smiles at her and winds his window down
she smiles back at paddy and winds her window down
paddy says to her ," have you farted aswell"
Page: 62.3333333333333 of 179  
  
   Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk