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 #1766 23 May 2013 at 9.18pm | |   |
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A business man is dating a girl who is addicted to sex.
He really loves her, and of course hes a man so he doesn't mind it.
Well because he has to travel a lot for his job but he was afraid his girl would cheat on him. So he went to an adult store in search of something for her to use. A clerk came up to him and asked him what he was looking for, he explained his situation and the clerk told him that he had just the perfect thing for him. He led the business man to the back of the store and pulled out a wooden box. He explained "alright, inside this box is a voodoo dildo. All you gotta do it say voodoo dildo whatever it is you want it too and open the box. Like this: Voodoo dildo the door,"he opened the box and the dildo jumped out and went over and started humping the door. "To get it back in all you gotta do is say voodoo dildo back in the box." and the dildo got back in. So the man bought it and took it home. He explained to his girlfriend that all she had to do when she got horny was tell the dick "voodoo dick my pussy" and it would do it. So he left and went on his trip. Not long after his girl got horny so she opened the box and said "voodoo dildo my pussy" it jumped out and started giving it too her. Well after hours and hours of amazing satisfaction, she realized she didnt know how to make it stop. So after trying and trying she got into her car and decided to go to the hospital, on the way she swerved all over the road. A passing cop saw this and pulled her over. The woman explained the situation and the cop scoffed and said "Hah...voodoo dildo my arse"
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#1765 23 May 2013 at 6.46pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1756
 
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#1764 23 May 2013 at 2.32pm | | |
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"You know, it was roasting in bed last night.." I said to the wife.
"But with you there, it was like sleeping next to a fridge."
"Oh come on!" She protested.
"You can't say I'm cold."
"No, you're not." I agreed.
"But you ARE huge and full of food."
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#1763 22 May 2013 at 8.47pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1760
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#1762 22 May 2013 at 8.03pm | | |
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If you want to bet live in fight during the next Audley Harrison fight, make sure you sign into your account before round 1 starts.
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#1761 22 May 2013 at 6.54pm | | |
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On my way to work this morning i noticed the man driving next to me was texting whilst driving.
Knowing how dangerous that can be,i promptly rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
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#1760 22 May 2013 at 6.50pm | | |
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CLAIM,,CLAIM,,CLAIM,,,were you abused by a celebrity in the seventies or eighties???Did Jim fix it for you??Where you one of rolfs two little boys??Did you get serviced in Kevin webster's garage??Remember,Where there's a stain,there's a claim!!
Simply send a Email to MYARSEISSTILLSORE.com to start your fraudulent claim!!!!
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#1759 22 May 2013 at 6.43pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1756
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#1758 22 May 2013 at 2.16pm | | |
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My boss called me into his office and told me to go into the restroom and masturbate..
I came back and told him I'd finished to which he ordered me to go and do it again.
On my return I told him I had done the deed and he ordered me to go and do it again!
I explained that I couldn't possibly do it so soon.
He then threw his car keys too me and said "Now you can run my daughter home"
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#1757 22 May 2013 at 1.59am | | |
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In reply to Post #1756
Stoke city have announced they have short listed 6 new managers to replace Tony Pulis.
1) - Sir clive woodward
2) - Andy Robison
3) - Brian Ashton
4) - Rob Andrew
5) - Martin Johnson
6) - Stuart Lancaster
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#1756 21 May 2013 at 11.38am | | |
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Saw a dwarf carrying a TV back to his car earlier.
"Jesus," I said, "Can you manage that Plasma Telly ok on yer own mate?"
"Ha ha ha, you cheeky ****er!" he said, "It's a ****ing Kindle!"
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#1755 21 May 2013 at 9.56am | | |
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"Children, can anyone tell me where babies come from?" enquired the teacher.
"Please miss, me!" shouted a scruffy looking lad from the back of the class.
"Okay Johnny, go ahead and this had better be good"
"Well I'm sure I'm the result of a c*nt and a pr1ck having sex," answered an excited Johnny.
"Don't you mean a penis and a vagina?" tutted the teacher.
"No miss, I'm pretty sure my mum and dad don't call each other that"
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#1754 21 May 2013 at 6.00am | | |
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In reply to Post #1752
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#1753 21 May 2013 at 6.00am | | |
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In reply to Post #1751
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#1752 20 May 2013 at 4.13pm | | |
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paddy pulls up at the traffic lights and a really fit bird pulls up next to him
paddy smiles at her and winds his window down
she smiles back at paddy and winds her window down
paddy says to her ," have you farted aswell"
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