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   Old Thread  #1806 4 Jun 2013 at 7.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So Tulisa has been arrested for dealing Class A drugs...

I guess we won't be seeing 'Share a Coke with Tulisa' on bottles anytime soon.
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   Old Thread  #1805 3 Jun 2013 at 8.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Wearing crocs is like being sucked off by a man.

It feels great but when you look down you can see it is just wrong.
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   Old Thread  #1804 3 Jun 2013 at 8.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1803
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   Old Thread  #1803 3 Jun 2013 at 6.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Brazil's new stadium looks good, I expected the pitch to just be a strip of turf on the edge of the box.
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   Old Thread  #1802 3 Jun 2013 at 8.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I accidentally wore my w@nk sock to work yesterday.

Now I've got to pretend I broke my leg skiing for the next three months so I don't look creepy.
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   Old Thread  #1801 3 Jun 2013 at 7.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What do you get if you can catch a tan Monday to Friday?

Job seekers allowance
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   Old Thread  #1800 2 Jun 2013 at 4.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I have a Scottish friend, who last year married a Native American girl, and the couple recently celebrated the birth of a baby boy.

Choosing the name proved to be very contentious, though.

He wanted to give him a Scot's name, while she wanted to give him a traditional Mohican one.

Thankfully, they sorted it, and I was really honoured when they asked me if I would be Godfather to little Hawkeye The Noo.
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   Old Thread  #1799 2 Jun 2013 at 1.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was flirting with a couple of girls at the bar last night when suddenly my wife called me.

She said, "Dave, where are you?"

I styled it out by remaining silent and just continued to smile at the girls.

"Dave, where the **** are you?" she screamed even louder.

Again I remained silent and took a sip of my pint.

This went on for a good 30 seconds before my wife eventually picked up her white stick and walked out.
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   Old Thread  #1798 2 Jun 2013 at 10.31am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Digging up the garden this morning,I found a Land Rover buried 6ft down...which was a nice discovery.
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   Old Thread  #1797 1 Jun 2013 at 11.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My Geordie girlfriend found a pair of knickers in the glove box of the car.

"What the **** are these?" she asked.

"Knickers," I replied.

"Oh. I've heard about them, but I've never seen a pair."
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   Old Thread  #1796 1 Jun 2013 at 9.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1795
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   Old Thread  #1795 1 Jun 2013 at 9.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Are you ready to give me an anal bartering?" asked my wife.

"Don't you mean battering?" I winked.

"There are some very expensive shoes I want," she replied, "I know what I mean."
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   Old Thread  #1794 1 Jun 2013 at 7.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'm glad they didn't make a "Share a Coke with Whitney" bottle, I think she had enough.
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   Old Thread  #1793 1 Jun 2013 at 7.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After 1 pint I was an absolute mess. I threw up down my shirt, tried to finger this old lady, before ****ting myself and falling asleep in the corner.

The nurses said that isn't a normal reaction to giving blood.
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   Old Thread  #1792 1 Jun 2013 at 7.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"

"Michael. My name's Michael."

"Nice name. My stepdad's called Michael."

"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."
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