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   Old Thread  #1779 28 May 2013 at 10.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After a long night of making love, Danny rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked Sheila if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Sheila replied, "That's me before the operation."
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   Old Thread  #1778 28 May 2013 at 8.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My girlfriend hates it when I slip my cock out of her and finish myself off over her pussy.

She says his hair gets really matted.
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   Old Thread  #1777 28 May 2013 at 4.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was watching football when the wife sat beside me,stroked my cock through my jeans and whispered,"fancy a ****?"
I said, "you're after something" "No i'm not," she protested.
"Yes you are,"i said. "You're after match of the day.Come back in an hour.
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   Old Thread  #1776 27 May 2013 at 6.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden.
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   Old Thread  #1775 27 May 2013 at 1.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Lionel Richie is to be opening a kebab shop just for Muslims, Halal is it meat your looking for!
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   Old Thread  #1774 27 May 2013 at 1.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"I can't believe they show this rubbish on TV, just because it is a cup final. It's not real football, the players are sub-standard and nobody is really interested."

"That's very sexist" said my wife, "Women's football has come a long way in recent years, it is now professional and has a strong domestic league and international competitions."

"Who's talking about Women's football, I mean the Scottish Cup"
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   Old Thread  #1773 26 May 2013 at 7.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1772 26 May 2013 at 1.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnny: "Let's see, 6,000 for materials, 4,000 for labour, then there's the electrics and the plumbing. Will do the job for 12,000."

Little Patel: "I am sorry, I know my shop needs this extension but I have only 9,000 to offer you, Plus all your discounted grocery needs."

Teacher: "What on earth is going on here?"

Little Johnny: "Please miss, we are playing cowboys and Indians."
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   Old Thread  #1771 26 May 2013 at 7.18am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1770 24 May 2013 at 11.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Bill Kenwright was in Tesco the other day,.,. he saw an old lady struggling to reach a box on the top shelf..............

"Can you manage love"? he asked....

"**** off" she shouted.., "I don't want the bloody job either"
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   Old Thread  #1769 24 May 2013 at 11.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some tampons."
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   Old Thread  #1768 24 May 2013 at 7.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1767 23 May 2013 at 9.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1766 23 May 2013 at 9.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A business man is dating a girl who is addicted to sex.

He really loves her, and of course hes a man so he doesn't mind it.

Well because he has to travel a lot for his job but he was afraid his girl would cheat on him. So he went to an adult store in search of something for her to use. A clerk came up to him and asked him what he was looking for, he explained his situation and the clerk told him that he had just the perfect thing for him. He led the business man to the back of the store and pulled out a wooden box. He explained "alright, inside this box is a voodoo dildo. All you gotta do it say voodoo dildo whatever it is you want it too and open the box. Like this: Voodoo dildo the door,"he opened the box and the dildo jumped out and went over and started humping the door. "To get it back in all you gotta do is say voodoo dildo back in the box." and the dildo got back in. So the man bought it and took it home. He explained to his girlfriend that all she had to do when she got horny was tell the dick "voodoo dick my pussy" and it would do it. So he left and went on his trip. Not long after his girl got horny so she opened the box and said "voodoo dildo my pussy" it jumped out and started giving it too her. Well after hours and hours of amazing satisfaction, she realized she didnt know how to make it stop. So after trying and trying she got into her car and decided to go to the hospital, on the way she swerved all over the road. A passing cop saw this and pulled her over. The woman explained the situation and the cop scoffed and said "Hah...voodoo dildo my arse"
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   Old Thread  #1765 23 May 2013 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1756
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