|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
|
 #1886 2 Jul 2013 at 2.48pm | |   |
|
I went out with a girl last night and asked her back to my place.She said,"I just want to tell you,I don't sleep with someone on a first date."
I replied,"That's okay,once I've fcuked you I'll phone a taxi to take you home so you can sleep in your own bed.
|
|
|
|
|
#1885 2 Jul 2013 at 6.51am | | |
|
In reply to Post #1884
|
|
|
|
|
#1884 1 Jul 2013 at 10.16pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1883
got chatting to this bird in the pub last night and was telling her about my talent
of being able to tell what day of week a woman was born on , just by playing with her tits.
she stuck her chest out and said "go on then , prove it"
after about 3 minutes of me fondling her tits she says " well, what day was i born on then ?
i said , ****ing yesterday
|
|
|
|
|
#1883 1 Jul 2013 at 7.26pm | | |
|
"I shoved a firework up a rabbits @rse this weekend" said Little Johnny
"Johnny!" Exclaimed his teacher disgustingly, "Rectum"
Johnny replied "Yes it did, blew his boll**ks off Miss"
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1882 1 Jul 2013 at 5.53am | | |
|
|
just chatting to a fit bird in the pub and i asked her what her name was and she said carman, why i asked "because i like cars and men" whats your name she asked me "beer t1ts
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1881 1 Jul 2013 at 5.47am | | |
|
I can only fcuk the wife using a lubricant.
About 8 pints normally
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1880 1 Jul 2013 at 5.43am | | |
|
A man at work calls home and his 8 years old
daughter picks the phone:
“Hi honey,this is daddy.Is mommy near the
phone?”
“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
“After a brief pause daddy says,“But honey
you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do,and he is upstairs in the room
with mommy right now.”
Brief pause,“Uh okay then,this is what I want
you to do:put the phone down onthe
table,run upstairs,knock on the bedroom
door,and shout to mommy that daddy’s car
has just arrived at the gate.”
“Ok daddy just a minute....”
A while later the little girl comes back to the
phone, “Done it daddy.
”"What happened honey?”
“Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of
the bed naked,ran round the room
screaming,tripp
ed over,and knocked her head
on the staircase,now she is not moving at all.”
“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad.
He jumped out the window into the
swimming pool,but I guess he didn’t know
you emptied the water last week.He hit the
bottom and I think he’s dead.”
After a really long pause this time...Daddy
says,“Swimming pool,but we don't have a
swimming pool! Is this 486-5731?”
“No,this is 486-5713”
“Sorry wrong number....!!!!”
|
|
|
|
|
#1879 30 Jun 2013 at 7.15pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1875
|
|
|
|
|
#1878 30 Jun 2013 at 4.14pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1875
|
|
|
|
|
#1877 30 Jun 2013 at 4.13pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1873
 
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1876 30 Jun 2013 at 2.48pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1873
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1875 30 Jun 2013 at 2.47pm | | |
|
I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend's stockings as she crossed her legs. So I whispered in her ear, "We know how this ends, so let's leave now before the final curtain. I've got plans for you."
She said, "We can't, it would be rude to get up and walk out."
I said, "Of course we can."
She said, "Dave, it's your wife's funeral.
|
|
|
|
|
#1874 30 Jun 2013 at 8.50am | | |
|
|
What does a perverted frog say? ...Rubbit.
|
|
|
|
|
#1873 30 Jun 2013 at 8.48am | | |
|
I just said hello to my neighbour who has Alzheimer's and Tourette's.
"Hello c*nt. Nice to see you" he said, "who are you? F**k off."
|
|
|
|
|
#1872 29 Jun 2013 at 4.59pm | | |
|
I've installed a two-way mirror in my daughter's bathroom, but I'm taking it back to the shop tomorrow.
All I can see is me looking stupid with my dick in my hand.
|
|
