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 #1930 25 Jul 2013 at 1.38am | |  |   |
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In reply to Post #1929
All this talk of the royal baby is bringing back some painful memories. Last time I was third inline for the throne I shat myself in wetherspoons.
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#1929 24 Jul 2013 at 10.40pm | | | |
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said to my missus earlier , how pissed off i was with next doors cat ****ting in the garden.
she told me to to get a shovel and chuck it over the fence , so i did .
afterwards , i thought , well... that was pretty ****ing pointless , now they've got my shovel
and i've still got there cat ****
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#1928 22 Jul 2013 at 10.03pm | | | |
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The new Chinese lad at work must be really religeous
He keeps talking about his praystation
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#1927 22 Jul 2013 at 9.21pm | | | |
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Congratulations to John terry and Kate on the birth of their baby boy
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#1926 22 Jul 2013 at 9.19pm | | | |
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#1925 19 Jul 2013 at 7.46pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1924
Wayne Rooney still undecided about joining Chelsea, apparently Colleen is yet to agree personal terms with John Terry.
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#1924 19 Jul 2013 at 2.54pm | | | |
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What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
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#1923 18 Jul 2013 at 7.03pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1922
fed up with this weather-am sweating more than a paedo in the playground
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#1922 17 Jul 2013 at 9.46pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1919
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#1921 17 Jul 2013 at 8.52pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1919
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#1920 17 Jul 2013 at 10.03am | | | |
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Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.
To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1919 17 Jul 2013 at 10.01am | | | |
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After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be fcuking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fcuked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1918 17 Jul 2013 at 9.59am | | | |
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some crackers there lads 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1917 17 Jul 2013 at 9.58am | | | |
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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who the fcuking father is
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#1916 15 Jul 2013 at 9.18pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #1909
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