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 #1922 17 Jul 2013 at 9.46pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #1919
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#1921 17 Jul 2013 at 8.52pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1919
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#1920 17 Jul 2013 at 10.03am | | |
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Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.
To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1919 17 Jul 2013 at 10.01am | | |
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After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be fcuking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fcuked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1918 17 Jul 2013 at 9.59am | | |
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some crackers there lads 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1917 17 Jul 2013 at 9.58am | | |
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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who the fcuking father is
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#1916 15 Jul 2013 at 9.18pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1909
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#1915 15 Jul 2013 at 7.55pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1914
gud un 
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#1914 15 Jul 2013 at 6.10pm | | |
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What's white and works in Mc donalds?
The fridge. 
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#1913 15 Jul 2013 at 6.07pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1912
liking that one ian
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#1912 15 Jul 2013 at 10.47am | | |
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The mrs buys a vibrator and it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when i get a 360 volt F**kmaster pro blow up doll with a pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with a semen collection tray and an optional built in screaming orgasm surround system..i'm called a pervert.
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#1911 14 Jul 2013 at 10.21pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1903
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#1910 14 Jul 2013 at 10.19pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1901
and post 1909 , spot on
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#1909 14 Jul 2013 at 7.10pm | | |
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A bloke brings his mate home after work to meet his wife.His wife screams "You ******* dickhead,my hair and makeup are a mess,the house is a right ******* tip,the dishes aren't done,i'm still in my pyjamas,i can't be bothered to cook and it's my time of the month".
"Why the **** did you bring him home?" The husband replies "because he was thinking of getting married.
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#1908 14 Jul 2013 at 7.02pm | | |
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odds on being next to pick up the ashes
England 6/4 ,
Aussies 3/1,
Winnie Mandela 1/3.
Sheryl Gascoigne 4/5
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