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I was in the pub the other night telling a group of girls I could arse read.I explained it was a bit like palm reading,but I needed to stick my finger up their ******** to do it.Within 5 mins I was with a blonde in the toilet cubicle,knuckle deep. "Right,let's see"I said,having a poke,"for a start,I can tell you're very ******* gullible".
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My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back.Half way through he said to the bloke,don't forget to put the tomahawk in his hand.The bloke said give us a ******* chance mate I've only just finished his turban.
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In reply to Post #2016
Wasn't there a Asian involved in that joke Jim 
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there was a nasty incident at the Nestles factory today when a worker was trapped under a consignment of chocolate bars....every time he shouted " the milky bars are on me " everyone cheered 
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In reply to Post #2014
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The Filipino government have thanked the British Govt for the rescue dogs they sent out after the hurricane.They said they were delicious.
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I thought I'd give the post lady a surprise this morning.So I sneaked up to the door naked and flopped my cock through they letterbox.Don't know what surprised her more,my cock in the letterbox,or the fact I knew where she lived
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I have attention deficit disorder. I get distracted easily my head........SHOULDERS,KNEES AND TOES,KNEES AND TOES
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In reply to Post #2010
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My wife banged on the toilet door and said "hurry up I need a **** " **** off," I shouted
"I'm trying to have a w**k in here" "so that's more important than diarrhoea" she screamed.
I yelled through the door "I'm just about to come for **** sake,just wait a few moments
Will you" What a impatient,big mouthed gob***** she is.God knows what everyone on the
Plane must have thought....!!
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My mate has 10 65" BLACK LED TVs for sale for £400 each.
If you want one,let me know asap.heres the link of the same model
At Currys worth £4500
htpp://bit.ly/IFRXA8
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A cockney and a scouser go into gregg's.the scouser steals 3 pasties and puts them in his pocket,then boasts to the cockney "did you see that? The staff never saw me."
The cockney says "that's nothing! Watch this"and goes into the shop.
He says to the manager,"give me 3 pasties and i'll show you some magic."
He eats them all and the manager says,"How is that magic?"
The cockney replied, "check that scouser's pocket"!!
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A fossil of a human jawbone was recently found that was believed to be over 10,000,000 years old.
scientists knew that it belonged to a woman as it was still moving.
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My boss gave me a 4m roll of buble wrap so i asked what he would like me to do with it.
He said 'pop it in the corner'
It took me 4 bloody hours!
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In reply to Post #2002
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NON Carp stuff