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   Old Thread  #2006 4 Nov 2013 at 9.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My boss gave me a 4m roll of buble wrap so i asked what he would like me to do with it.
He said 'pop it in the corner'
It took me 4 bloody hours!
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   Old Thread  #2005 4 Nov 2013 at 4.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2002
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   Old Thread  #2004 4 Nov 2013 at 4.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Sometimes I like to hide my wife's inhaler.so the neighbours think I'm a stallion when they hear her panting " ******* give it to me."
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   Old Thread  #2003 31 Oct 2013 at 7.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I bought the wife some crutch less knickers for Halloween.not for sexual purposes but so that she has a better grip on her broomstick!
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   Old Thread  #2002 31 Oct 2013 at 3.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The new royal baby,George has already done 3 things off every mans bucket list.

1.become a billionaire
2.met the Queen.
3. Sucked Kate Middletons Tits
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   Old Thread  #2001 30 Oct 2013 at 6.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Funny

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   Old Thread  #2000 29 Oct 2013 at 10.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1999
cracker
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   Old Thread  #1999 29 Oct 2013 at 8.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1998
My son asked me how babies are made.I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a video that explains it all.
At the end of the video I told him "it's basically just like that,only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny,and normally there isn't a horse involved".
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   Old Thread  #1998 28 Oct 2013 at 8.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Am visiting my sick Uncle in hospital,he's in the morgue,having a ****
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   Old Thread  #1997 28 Oct 2013 at 8.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The missus wants something in silk for christmas......No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong colour.
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   Old Thread  #1996 28 Oct 2013 at 8.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
paddy sees Murphy in hospital with two bandaged feet.Paddy asks "what have you done? Murphy replies"its f**king Morrisons again!!! I bought a sponge pudding for my tea and it said pierce the tin and stand in boiling water for ten minutes.
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   Old Thread  #1995 28 Oct 2013 at 7.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Silently i slipped the condom over my erect dick and rolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft,never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide eyed ,jaw dropping disbelief.....Then breaking the silence i spoke........"Yes,that seems to fit alright,i'll take the whole packet please......."
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   Old Thread  #1994 24 Oct 2013 at 9.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1993
Can you believe it ?
My Income Tax return form as been sent back to me because in response to the question 4
Do you have anyone dependent on you ? I replied
2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack heads, 4.4 million unemployed Jeremy Kyle scroungers
900,000 prisoners over 95 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission.
They claimed this was an unacceptable answer
So who the hell have I missed out.
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   Old Thread  #1993 24 Oct 2013 at 3.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1992 24 Oct 2013 at 12.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.

When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their willy's to direct the flow away from their clothes, and then shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?

'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
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