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 #2057 20 Dec 2013 at 12.31pm | |   |
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I did not know Britain had begun a new space mission.
"Hello Euston, this is Apollo. The ceiling has landed."
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#2056 19 Dec 2013 at 8.30pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2055
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#2055 19 Dec 2013 at 8.01pm | | |
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'Hello, Is this the Police Station?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbour Jack Murphy...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve police officers descend on Jack's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Jack and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.
'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, jack pal". Lol.
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#2054 19 Dec 2013 at 5.56pm | | |
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I bumped into an old school friend today.He started talking about his well paid job,and his expensive sports car,then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said,"she's beautiful,isn't she?"I said,"if you think she's beautiful,you should see my wife!"
He said,"Why is she a stunner?"
I said, "no,she a f**king optician!"
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#2053 14 Dec 2013 at 5.48pm | | |
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I went to my premature ejaculation support group meeting today.But it turns out its tomorrow.
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#2052 14 Dec 2013 at 5.45pm | | |
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The wife was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty....I watched all 50 minutes of it and didn't see her once! She's still not home and I'm getting hungry!!
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#2051 13 Dec 2013 at 9.37pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2049
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#2050 13 Dec 2013 at 9.09pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2049
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#2049 13 Dec 2013 at 3.17pm | | |
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A young lad and his grandpa go fishing one day. They set up next to the river and sit back in their camping chairs waiting for the fish to start to bite. After a while, the grandpa pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. The kid is really interested and asks his grandpa if he can have one. Grandpa turns to the kid and says, "Can you touch your a***h*** with your penis?"
The boy replies that he can't.
"Well," says Grandpa, "then you're not old enough yet."
Another hour or so goes by and then Grandpa pulls out a can of beer. Again the boy is interested and asks if he could have some. Grandpa repeats his earlier question and says that he isn't old enough yet.
A little while later the boy opens his tackle box and takes out a packet of sweets. Grandpa looks over and thinks that he would like one.
"Can I have one of your sweets, son?"
The kid looks at Grandpa and says to him, "Can you touch your a***h*** with your penis?"
"I most certainly can!" says Grandpa.
To which the boy replies, "Well then go f*** yourself then, you old b******."
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#2048 12 Dec 2013 at 1.26pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2047
You beating everyone to it mate 
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#2047 12 Dec 2013 at 11.59am | | |
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It's very very very quiet on here,what's everyone lost their sense of humour  
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#2046 8 Dec 2013 at 11.03am | | |
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My wife's doing an experiment.She's wearing a burka for a week to get people's reaction.So far she's been kicked,punched and spat at.F**k knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house!
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#2045 8 Dec 2013 at 10.59am | | |
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Nelson Mandela's a legend and inspiration to every black man.
Never worked a day in his life and spent half of it in prison.
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#2044 8 Dec 2013 at 10.57am | | |
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Never has there been such a mass outpouring of grief this morning from Black people,after waking up to the news that KFC Great Yarmouth is closed due to flood damage....
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#2043 8 Dec 2013 at 10.54am | | |
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In reply to Post #2042
Micheal Barrymores ears *****ed up at the news Tom Daley has came out as gay.At last the thought,someone that doesn't mind taking it up the arse and can swim as we'll.
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