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   Old Thread  #2162 8 Sept 2014 at 4.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2161

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
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   Old Thread  #2161 1 Sept 2014 at 9.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Ballerina ?

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in
Dublin . She raised her right arm, revealing a HUGE, hairy armpit, as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man
among ye hare will buy a lady a drink?'

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. Down at the
end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter
and bellowed ' Give the ballerina a drink!'

Shamus, the bartender, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned
to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the
same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and
said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'

Shamus approached the drunk and said 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your
business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep
calling her a ballerina?'

Paddy replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to
be a ballerina!

Tel
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   Old Thread  #2160 1 Sept 2014 at 8.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2159 27 Aug 2014 at 3.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Brilliant
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2158 16 Aug 2014 at 8.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I see the police have taken away cliff Richards computers and confirmed the fact that they have found them to contain some disturbing content .

Let's hope it's porn and not some new songs
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   Old Thread  #2157 14 Aug 2014 at 9.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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re release of a cliff classic in time for xmas .............. Christmas time vasalene n wine
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   Old Thread  #2156 14 Aug 2014 at 9.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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, thats quality
goat shaggers
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   Old Thread  #2155 14 Aug 2014 at 5.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Police have finally tracked Cliff Richard down in his local Subway.

Although he claimed he was Hank Marvin at the time of questioning.
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aka NFFC_Carper86
   Old Thread  #2154 13 Aug 2014 at 5.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2153 12 Aug 2014 at 4.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2152 12 Aug 2014 at 3.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The Queen was visiting Scotland and Alex Salmond called by.
>
> HM: How nice to see you Mr Salmond.
>
> AS: Nice to see you Maíam. Now, what are we going to call Scotland
> when we win Independence? How about calling it a Kingdom, and then Iíll
> be a King?
>
> HM: No, we donít like that.
>
> AS: Alright, so how about calling it a Principality, and then Iíll be a
> Prince?
>
> HM: .... (thinks).... No Mr Salmond, I think we should call it a
> Country.
>
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   Old Thread  #2151 12 Aug 2014 at 2.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2150 12 Aug 2014 at 2.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2149 8 Aug 2014 at 9.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
HUSBAND_____ I was talking to the window cleaner this morning, he's made love to every woman in this street except 1

WIFE_________Yeah I bet it's that bitch at number 24
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   Old Thread  #2148 29 Jul 2014 at 10.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a farmer puts an advert in the shop window...... job vacancy ,mole catcher wanted.
the village idiot applies , and gets the job.
the farmer tells him , its on the condition that he gives them a slow and painfull death.
he sees the idiot a couple of days later and he says , all sorted , can i have my pay please .
farmer asks , what have you done with them,
idiot says , i buried them alive
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