CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
PornTashAsh is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of PornTashAsh (Ashley)
PornTashAsh
Posts: 91
   Old Thread  #2213 10 Feb 2015 at 7.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2212
Why can't muslims watch tele?

Because of the teleban
Four-Candles is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Four-Candles (Pete)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Four-Candles
Posts: 1135
   Old Thread  #2212 10 Feb 2015 at 10.52am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2211
Teacher Arrested At London Heathrow Airport - held in isolation.

A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London’s Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, a UK Border Control spokesman said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns;" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, Opposition Leader Ed Milliband said,"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Fellow Labour colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Opposition Leader.
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1117
   Old Thread  #2211 8 Feb 2015 at 4.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2210
One made by Royal Doulton
Tel
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2210 8 Feb 2015 at 11.42am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2209
Your right, it sounds like a load of ****

BTW
What kind of pan do you cook em in?
driver5 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of driver5 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
driver5
Posts: 334
   Old Thread  #2209 8 Feb 2015 at 9.33am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2208
I am going to try some different boilies this year

Cranberry Raspberry Apricot & Peach

something tells me I not going to do well on these
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2208 31 Jan 2015 at 2.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went to a new female dentist, after an examination she said one of my wisdom teeth will have to come out and she will give me a jab to kill the pain, i said needles are not for me , OK she said a whiff of gas will do it, no no that makes me sick, are you OK with pills? Oh yes that's fine, she gave me 2 little pills and said just relax,what pills are they? Viagra she said, I didn't know they are pain killers, she said they're not but they will give you something to hold on to when I yank the tooth out
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2207 31 Jan 2015 at 2.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2206
Go on then
teo is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of teo (Dave)
Contact details supplied to MODs
teo
Posts: 878
   Old Thread  #2206 30 Jan 2015 at 8.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2205
Joke free year this year or something..?!
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2205 31 Dec 2014 at 10.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2204
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2204 31 Dec 2014 at 2.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied,

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Richard_Barnard is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Richard_Barnard (Richard)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Richard_Barnard
Posts: 2308
aka NFFC_Carper86
   Old Thread  #2203 29 Dec 2014 at 8.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2200
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2202 28 Dec 2014 at 10.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A nun is stopped in her car by the police, she winds down the window the cop winds down his zip, "Oh no" she said "not the Breathalyzer again"
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2201 23 Dec 2014 at 10.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2199
I went to the Doctor today and said I keep getting ignored, he shouts NEXT.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2200 20 Dec 2014 at 9.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A lady go's into a butchers and asks for a duck, yes madam said the young man, he puts the duck on the counter, she sticks her finger up its arse then examines her finger and says that's not an Aylesbury duck, oh sorry madam I''ll see if we have one out the back, he returns with another duck, she does the same again, ah that's better I always have an Aylesbury duck when I come to this shop, you must be new here where are you from? the lad drops his strdes bends over and say's "your the expert you tell me"
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2199 19 Dec 2014 at 7.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2197


I went to the doctors today and he asked me if I drink to excess.

I told him I'll drink to ****ing anything
Page: 33 of 180  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk