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 #2291 25 Apr 2015 at 9.52am | |  |   |
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A woman says to her husband darling you know I'm going into hospital tomorrow for a minor op in the fanny department and the nurse asked if I could shave the old minnie moo before I get there, as you shave every morning I wondered if you would do it for me? of course I will, get yer trollies off, he lathers up the velvet valley and starts, hows it going darling? not bad, nearly done just one more thing, can you make it do this >
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#2290 24 Apr 2015 at 9.55pm | | | |
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The front door slams, the woman says to her lover that’s my husband hide in the wardrobe, as he does a boys voice says ITS DARK IN HERE, the guy says don’t tell anyone will you, I NEED A NEW PAIR OF FOOTY BOOTS, ok I’ll get you some, a couple of weeks later the same thing happens as the guy gets in the wardrobe ITS DARK IN HERE, ok what do you want this time, I WANT A NEW BALL AND A SHIRT, ok son I’ll sort it, the next Saturday the boy and his dad are at the park having a kick about, dad says where did you get the new kit? The boy tells him, dad says that's not very nice you must go to church and confess your sins, the boy goes in the confession box and says ITS DARK IN HERE, a voice from the other side says f*** me not you again.
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#2289 21 Apr 2015 at 9.56am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2288
 
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#2288 21 Apr 2015 at 0.13am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2287
Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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#2287 18 Apr 2015 at 11.16am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2286
I'm not Pancake, I'm Boxing
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#2286 18 Apr 2015 at 8.16am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2285
Also , some people are named depending on what day it is when they were born ,
I e st George's day , they call them George
St Patrick's day , they call them Patrick
Something else I've taught you that is young pancake 
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#2285 13 Apr 2015 at 7.08pm | | | |
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A North American Indian boy sat chatting with his dad when he asks
How do we get our name pops?
It's your mother's decision, as you are born
mum looks around to see what's going on and chooses a name
like running bear, bald eagle, jumping fish and so on, why do you ask 2 dogs F******
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#2284 12 Apr 2015 at 7.00pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2283
Bet she was a Geordie
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#2283 12 Apr 2015 at 6.25pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2282
I like Ray, especially in Vincent (apart from Scum)
I was walking past the chippie the other night and saw a tasty looking bird outside eating a bag of chips with her draws round her ankles, I said scuse me miss did you know your under-ctackers are round your ankles? OH GOD she said has he finished.
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#2282 12 Apr 2015 at 5.55pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2281
Tbh mate I heard ray winstone tell it the other night on some programme , thought you'd been watching it aswell
Cracker tho
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#2281 12 Apr 2015 at 5.27pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2280
I don't know where it came from, I've known it for donkeys years 
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#2280 11 Apr 2015 at 11.00pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2279
I know where that came from . Goodun innit
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#2279 11 Apr 2015 at 7.51pm | | | |
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A guy comes home from work mid afternoon to catch his wife and lover at it, he lives on the 11th floor of a tower block and the lift is out of action, he finally gets to his flat and bursts in shouting "WHERE IS HE " I'll kill him, looks around but nothing, just happens to look out of the kitchen window to see a man running from the block, he opens the window turns round looking for something to throw and decide its the fridge, as he launches it he collapses and dies.
Up at the pearly gates Peter stands waiting for him, how did you end up here? Peter was told the story ok you may entre, next was a guy with terrible head wounds, and you, said Peter? I was running for the bus so i wouldn't be late for the evening shift when crash and I'm here, ok said Peter go in, Peter was about to close the gate when he noticed a guy in a pair of underpants blue and shivering with cold, what are you doing here? well I was sitting in this fridge minding my own business.......
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#2278 11 Apr 2015 at 1.10pm | | | |
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A farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream &
shouts: "Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer,
its full o hoss p**s an cow s**te."
The bloke says: "Sir, I am an illegal immigrant,can you
be speaking clearer, and slower please."
The farmer replies: "If.... You.... Use.... Both.... Hands.... You....Won't... Spill ....Any"
Tel
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#2277 10 Apr 2015 at 9.59pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2274
Creosote for me , great over the fences
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