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 #2247 22 Mar 2015 at 1.06am | |   |
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The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on
stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him
Tel
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#2246 21 Mar 2015 at 2.56pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2243
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#2245 20 Mar 2015 at 5.17pm | | |
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I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her
balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
Tel 
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#2244 20 Mar 2015 at 5.10pm | | |
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I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
Tel
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#2243 20 Mar 2015 at 5.09pm | | |
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A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that the Wii GameBoy
he received isn't what he was expecting.
Boom Boom
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#2242 18 Mar 2015 at 8.02pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2241
A woman goes to the opticians for an eye test, the optician covers her left eye and says read the letters on the chart, she says sorry I can't read any of them, so he covers her right eye and says can you read any of them now, no I'm sorry I can't see any at all, he unzips his fly and unleashes the beast and says can you see that, oh yes I can see that alright, that's your problem then, what!! your cock eyed
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#2241 17 Mar 2015 at 10.39pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2239
Paddys in court on a armed robbery charge , the jury return to give their verdict .
Not guilty , says the judge .
Excellent shouts paddy , does that mean I can keep the money
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#2240 17 Mar 2015 at 10.36pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2239
Two paddys leave a bar .................... Well , it could happen
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#2239 17 Mar 2015 at 10.01pm | | |
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two men on the 8.15 train from Reading to London, after a while one says that's it done the Times crossword as he folds his newspaper, the other man says I'm stuck on 7 across, female relation, 4 letters ending with UNT, why it's AUNT of course, just then a vicar pops his head round the seat and says anyone got a rubber?
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#2238 16 Mar 2015 at 3.14pm | | |
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A schoolteacher asks her class “what is the fastest thing you know of”?
Sarah: A thought miss, when you think it happens in an instant.
Very good Sarah, anyone else?
Robert: A blink miss, it happens before you realize it.
OK, any more?
Jane: Light miss, when you turn on the light switch its there before you know it.
Well done everybody,
Billy sticks his hand up and shout's diarrhoea miss, last week on the way to the toilet before I could Think, Blink, and turn the light on I’d s*** myself.
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#2237 10 Mar 2015 at 9.39pm | | |
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Pulled up at the lights in my van today and farted , it stank, laughing to myself I wound the window down
For some fresh air .
This little sort pulls up next to me , glances across , starts smiling and winds her window down ,
I said to her , have you farted aswell
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#2236 10 Mar 2015 at 8.59pm | | |
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I gave a bird a lift in my car the other day, she kept looking at me and eventually said "can you drive with one hand" oh yes I replied, well wipe yer f****** nose yer making me sick 
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#2235 6 Mar 2015 at 9.07pm | | |
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A doctor visits a patient in the recovery ward, he says I've got good news and bad news, whats the bad news? asks the patient, your good foot has been amputated by mistake then the bad foot had to be done as well, OK whats the good news?, the guy in the end bed wants to buy your slippers
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#2234 6 Mar 2015 at 8.59pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2233
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#2233 6 Mar 2015 at 8.52pm | | |
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A doctor goes into a ward to see a pregnant lady who's had bad stomach cramps and fears for her
Unborn child, well dear he says , there's good and bad news, we've run some tests and the bad news is
It's got ginger hair . Oh no , she cries , what's the good news , doc replies , it's dead
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