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 #2619 19 Dec 2018 at 8.36am | |   |
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In reply to Post #2618
A warning to all be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the shots Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my van at the pub and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
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#2618 18 Dec 2018 at 6.46pm | | |
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Went to the doctors the other day , he told me to take up a hobby that gets me out of the pub ,
So I started smoking again
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#2617 12 Dec 2018 at 8.39pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2615
10 Pinter that 
What’s the most popular owl in the world?
Tea towel 
Why do they call pirates, pirates?
Cause they Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."
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#2616 1 Dec 2018 at 9.29pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2615
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#2615 1 Dec 2018 at 9.11pm | | |
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My son said to me ‘what rhymes with orange’. I said ‘it doesn’t’.
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#2614 24 Nov 2018 at 5.41pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2613
Tampax have announced that they are to replace the string with tinsel, but only for the Christmas period.
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#2613 19 Nov 2018 at 5.15pm | | |
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Was late the other day on my way to work. Got stuck behind a tractor as the driver was shouting ‘the end of the world is coming, the end of the world is coming, the end of the world is nigh’. I think it was farmer Geddon.
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#2612 22 Oct 2018 at 7.39pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2611
Son- Dad why is my sister called Teresa
Dad- Because you’re mum loves Easter - it’s an anagram
Son- Thanks Dad
Dad- No problem Alan
🥊🥊
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#2611 10 Oct 2018 at 10.31pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2610
I’m here all week...
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#2610 9 Oct 2018 at 10.27pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2609
Now that's better .
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#2609 9 Oct 2018 at 8.51am | | |
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In reply to Post #2608
The letter ‘u’ would appropriately fit in there somewhere.
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#2608 1 Oct 2018 at 11.52pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2607
Hmmm
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#2607 23 Sept 2018 at 10.23pm | | |
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What goes in and out and stinks of p155?.
Your grandparents doing the Hokey Cokey.
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#2606 23 Sept 2018 at 11.19am | | |
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In reply to Post #2605
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#2605 29 Aug 2018 at 9.44pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2604
, i went into the jewellers today and said to the fella , " I've come to buy a watch " , he said analogue , I said no , just the watch
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