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 #2653 4 Dec 2019 at 11.19pm | |   |
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me and the wife sat down for dinner, she nearly choked to death when I told her I put ginger in the curry, Christ.....she loves that cat.
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#2652 2 Dec 2019 at 11.13pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2651
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#2651 2 Dec 2019 at 2.49pm | | |
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Paddy goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pains, doc checks him out and says well I can't find anything wrong, must be the drink, Paddy says ok doc I'll come back when your sober.
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#2650 1 Dec 2019 at 10.00pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2649
Gutted as my beloved pet mouse named Elvis died recently due to getting caught in a trap.
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#2649 20 Oct 2019 at 1.15pm | | |
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Paddy says to Mick I've just found a pen, is it yours? Mick replies give it here, then writes on a scrap of paper, yes says Mick, it is mine, Paddy says how can you be so sure, Mick says its MY hand writing.
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#2648 15 Oct 2019 at 11.37pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2646
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| | | mal | | Posts: 6458 |  | |
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#2647 15 Oct 2019 at 10.36pm | | |
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To the person who stole my glasses....
I will find you....
I have contacts
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| | | mal | | Posts: 6458 | | |
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#2646 6 Oct 2019 at 12.29pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2644
Brilliant
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#2645 6 Oct 2019 at 12.16pm | | |
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A guy was going into the mental home, he stopped and asked the doctor "how do you judge wether a patient is sane or not" the doc replied "we fill a bath with water and put a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket next to it and ask the patient to empty the bath", ah, I get it, the normal person will choose the bucket, the doc said "no, the normal person will pull the plug, would you like a bed near the window.
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#2644 23 Sept 2019 at 2.39pm | | |
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The lad asked me if I’d bring him 6 cans of sprite over and when i was almost there I realised I’d picked 7 up.
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#2643 23 Sept 2019 at 2.20pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2639
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#2642 8 Sept 2019 at 6.25pm | | |
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A guy goe's to the doctor's complaining about a little bump in the middle of his forehead, Doc say's have you been attacked or had an accident? no replies the guy, doc ask's doe's it hurt?, no, Doc gave him some cream and said if it dosn't go down in a week come back, a week passes and the guy goe's back, look doc it's getting bigger, Mmmm says the doc, its beginning to stick out more, doc says keep applying the cream and I will make some enquiries, another week passes, the guy is back to see the doc, now the bump resembles a sausage, doc says it looks like a very rare complaint called Penisitis which means it will grow to the size of your penis, FFS said the guy, are you telling me every time I have a shave and look in the mirror I'm going to see this cock on my forehead, No said the doc your nuts will be covering your eye's you won't see a thing.
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#2641 8 Aug 2019 at 6.49am | | |
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In reply to Post #2640
I've just finished reading Victoria Beckham's autobiography. It tells about why she denied having a boob job, the real truth about herself and the things most precious in her life. It's called "The Liar, the Witch and the Wardrobe!"
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#2640 30 Jul 2019 at 3.25pm | | |
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In reply to Post #2638
talking about Viagra, my granddad went to the chemist and asked for half a dose of Viagra, the guy behind the counter said sorry we don't sell half measures but why do you only want half? granddad said I don't want a full blown stiffy just enough to stop me p1ssing on my slippers.
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#2639 14 Jul 2019 at 6.59pm | | |
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Its been a funny old day today
it started off really well when I found a hat full of money !!
but then I got chased by a loony man with a guitar ?
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