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   Old Thread  #2653 4 Dec 2019 at 11.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
me and the wife sat down for dinner, she nearly choked to death when I told her I put ginger in the curry, Christ.....she loves that cat.
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   Old Thread  #2652 2 Dec 2019 at 11.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2651 2 Dec 2019 at 2.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pains, doc checks him out and says well I can't find anything wrong, must be the drink, Paddy says ok doc I'll come back when your sober.
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   Old Thread  #2650 1 Dec 2019 at 10.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Gutted as my beloved pet mouse named Elvis died recently due to getting caught in a trap.
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   Old Thread  #2649 20 Oct 2019 at 1.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy says to Mick I've just found a pen, is it yours? Mick replies give it here, then writes on a scrap of paper, yes says Mick, it is mine, Paddy says how can you be so sure, Mick says its MY hand writing.
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   Old Thread  #2648 15 Oct 2019 at 11.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2647 15 Oct 2019 at 10.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
To the person who stole my glasses....

I will find you....




I have contacts
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   Old Thread  #2646 6 Oct 2019 at 12.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Brilliant
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   Old Thread  #2645 6 Oct 2019 at 12.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy was going into the mental home, he stopped and asked the doctor "how do you judge wether a patient is sane or not" the doc replied "we fill a bath with water and put a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket next to it and ask the patient to empty the bath", ah, I get it, the normal person will choose the bucket, the doc said "no, the normal person will pull the plug, would you like a bed near the window.
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   Old Thread  #2644 23 Sept 2019 at 2.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The lad asked me if Id bring him 6 cans of sprite over and when i was almost there I realised Id picked 7 up.
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   Old Thread  #2643 23 Sept 2019 at 2.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2642 8 Sept 2019 at 6.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy goe's to the doctor's complaining about a little bump in the middle of his forehead, Doc say's have you been attacked or had an accident? no replies the guy, doc ask's doe's it hurt?, no, Doc gave him some cream and said if it dosn't go down in a week come back, a week passes and the guy goe's back, look doc it's getting bigger, Mmmm says the doc, its beginning to stick out more, doc says keep applying the cream and I will make some enquiries, another week passes, the guy is back to see the doc, now the bump resembles a sausage, doc says it looks like a very rare complaint called Penisitis which means it will grow to the size of your penis, FFS said the guy, are you telling me every time I have a shave and look in the mirror I'm going to see this cock on my forehead, No said the doc your nuts will be covering your eye's you won't see a thing.
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   Old Thread  #2641 8 Aug 2019 at 6.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I've just finished reading Victoria Beckham's autobiography. It tells about why she denied having a boob job, the real truth about herself and the things most precious in her life. It's called "The Liar, the Witch and the Wardrobe!"
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   Old Thread  #2640 30 Jul 2019 at 3.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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talking about Viagra, my granddad went to the chemist and asked for half a dose of Viagra, the guy behind the counter said sorry we don't sell half measures but why do you only want half? granddad said I don't want a full blown stiffy just enough to stop me p1ssing on my slippers.
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   Old Thread  #2639 14 Jul 2019 at 6.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Its been a funny old day today

it started off really well when I found a hat full of money !!
but then I got chased by a loony man with a guitar ?
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