CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
mal is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of mal (Mal)
Contact details supplied to MODs
mal
Posts: 6059
   Old Thread  #2647 15 Oct 2019 at 10.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
To the person who stole my glasses....

I will find you....




I have contacts
mal is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of mal (Mal)
Contact details supplied to MODs
mal
Posts: 6059
   Old Thread  #2646 6 Oct 2019 at 12.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2644


Brilliant
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3335
   Old Thread  #2645 6 Oct 2019 at 12.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy was going into the mental home, he stopped and asked the doctor "how do you judge wether a patient is sane or not" the doc replied "we fill a bath with water and put a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket next to it and ask the patient to empty the bath", ah, I get it, the normal person will choose the bucket, the doc said "no, the normal person will pull the plug, would you like a bed near the window.
tazi is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of tazi (Leslie)
Contact details supplied to MODs
tazi
Posts: 3344
   Old Thread  #2644 23 Sept 2019 at 2.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The lad asked me if I’d bring him 6 cans of sprite over and when i was almost there I realised I’d picked 7 up.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #2643 23 Sept 2019 at 2.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2639
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3335
   Old Thread  #2642 8 Sept 2019 at 6.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy goe's to the doctor's complaining about a little bump in the middle of his forehead, Doc say's have you been attacked or had an accident? no replies the guy, doc ask's doe's it hurt?, no, Doc gave him some cream and said if it dosn't go down in a week come back, a week passes and the guy goe's back, look doc it's getting bigger, Mmmm says the doc, its beginning to stick out more, doc says keep applying the cream and I will make some enquiries, another week passes, the guy is back to see the doc, now the bump resembles a sausage, doc says it looks like a very rare complaint called Penisitis which means it will grow to the size of your penis, FFS said the guy, are you telling me every time I have a shave and look in the mirror I'm going to see this cock on my forehead, No said the doc your nuts will be covering your eye's you won't see a thing.
Golden-Paws is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Golden-Paws (Andy)
Golden-Paws
Posts: 129
   Old Thread  #2641 8 Aug 2019 at 6.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2640
I've just finished reading Victoria Beckham's autobiography. It tells about why she denied having a boob job, the real truth about herself and the things most precious in her life. It's called "The Liar, the Witch and the Wardrobe!"
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3335
   Old Thread  #2640 30 Jul 2019 at 3.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2638
talking about Viagra, my granddad went to the chemist and asked for half a dose of Viagra, the guy behind the counter said sorry we don't sell half measures but why do you only want half? granddad said I don't want a full blown stiffy just enough to stop me p1ssing on my slippers.
oldgeezer has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of oldgeezer (Gerry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
oldgeezer
Posts: 23546
   Old Thread  #2639 14 Jul 2019 at 6.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Its been a funny old day today

it started off really well when I found a hat full of money !!
but then I got chased by a loony man with a guitar ?
TrickyD is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of TrickyD (Richard)
TrickyD
Posts: 31
   Old Thread  #2638 10 Jul 2019 at 6.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2637
Viagra is just a trade name, now the license has expired you can buy the generic drug Mycoxafloppin.
scozza is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of scozza (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
scozza
Posts: 13792
   Old Thread  #2637 12 Jun 2019 at 9.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was watching the viagra connect advert earlier, 4.3 million men in the U.K. experience erectile problems?

Looking at 20 million of the fat arsed ugly woman in the UK I can understand why
tazi is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of tazi (Leslie)
Contact details supplied to MODs
tazi
Posts: 3344
   Old Thread  #2636 31 Mar 2019 at 8.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The Mrs asked ‘what do i excel in’, wasn’t too impressed when I told her ‘underwear’.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3335
   Old Thread  #2635 16 Mar 2019 at 12.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Angie: Hey Sharon, I don’t feel well, I have a very sore throat.

Sharon: ooo that’s bad, when I have a sore throat I give me old man a blow job and the next day there’s a big improvement, try that, it can’t do any harm.

2 days later

Angie: Hey Sharon, I did wot you said and it doe’s work but your old man didn’t believe it was your idea.
tazi is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of tazi (Leslie)
Contact details supplied to MODs
tazi
Posts: 3344
   Old Thread  #2634 2 Mar 2019 at 9.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2633
Stevewils is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Stevewils (Steve)
Stevewils
Posts: 47
   Old Thread  #2633 1 Mar 2019 at 9.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
Paddy:why do scuba divers always fall backwards from the boat Murphy :cos if they fall forward they would still be in the boat
Page: 3.66666666666667 of 179  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk