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   Old Thread  #2331 21 Sept 2015 at 8.48pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2330
Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because he's married.
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   Old Thread  #2330 20 Sept 2015 at 9.31pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I love f5, it's so refreshing
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   Old Thread  #2329 11 Sept 2015 at 6.18am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2328 10 Sept 2015 at 8.34pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Came home hammered the other night and was stumbling around at the bottom of the stairs making a right racket. "What the hell is going on?" Shouts the wife from the bedroom. "I'm trying to get a barrel of beer up the stairs" I replied. "Leave it downstairs you dozy ****" She says."I cant" Says I."I've drunk it"
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   Old Thread  #2327 9 Sept 2015 at 8.42pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2326
Even more valuable lesson learned today.......
Don't keep ralgex and anusol next to each other
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   Old Thread  #2326 8 Sept 2015 at 9.35pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Valuable lesson learned this morning ,"...........
Don't keep anusol and Colgate on the same shelf
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   Old Thread  #2325 28 Aug 2015 at 1.35am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Lol such long topic
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   Old Thread  #2324 23 Aug 2015 at 12.41pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After too many visits to the "Pleasure Parlour"
(the house of horizontal refreshment)
JimmyAd notices green lumps
On his wedding tackle. So off he goes to the doctor.

The doctor explains "You know how wrestlers and rugby
players get cauliflower ears?"

"Yes" says Jim, nodding seriously.

"Well" says the doctor, "You've got Brothel Sprouts."
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   Old Thread  #2323 18 Aug 2015 at 8.58pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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You think thats bad, when I went to piss in the sink someone left the tap running, I was there for ages
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   Old Thread  #2322 17 Aug 2015 at 6.14pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I'm thinking about kicking my missus out , every time I try and have a piss in the sink it's always
full of washing up .
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   Old Thread  #2321 5 Aug 2015 at 8.56pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Our dog died yesterday, the wife named him Cigarette I donít know why, he had no legs but he always seemed to be happy, Iím gonna miss taking him out for a drag
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   Old Thread  #2320 5 Aug 2015 at 8.43pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2319


Tel
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   Old Thread  #2319 3 Aug 2015 at 11.12pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My bird told me today that being fat was in her genes ,
I told her , bollox , you look fat in a skirt as well
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   Old Thread  #2318 18 Jul 2015 at 4.40pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

What makes up
100% in life?



Here's a little mathematical formula that
might help you answer these questions:


If:

A B C D E F G
H I J K L M N
O P Q R S T U
V W X Y Z

Is represented
as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
= 98%

And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard
work and Knowledge will get you close, and
Attitude will get you there.

Itís the Bull**** and ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know WHY some people are where they are!
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   Old Thread  #2317 17 Jul 2015 at 7.14pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, Its what mummy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother; 'Don't eat it, it's an a***hole!'
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