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 #2331 21 Sept 2015 at 8.48pm | |  |   |
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In reply to Post #2330
Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
Because he's married.
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#2330 20 Sept 2015 at 9.31pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2329
I love f5, it's so refreshing
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#2329 11 Sept 2015 at 6.18am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2328
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#2328 10 Sept 2015 at 8.34pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2327
Came home hammered the other night and was stumbling around at the bottom of the stairs making a right racket. "What the hell is going on?" Shouts the wife from the bedroom. "I'm trying to get a barrel of beer up the stairs" I replied. "Leave it downstairs you dozy ****" She says."I cant" Says I."I've drunk it"
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#2327 9 Sept 2015 at 8.42pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2326
Even more valuable lesson learned today.......
Don't keep ralgex and anusol next to each other
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#2326 8 Sept 2015 at 9.35pm | | | |
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Valuable lesson learned this morning ,"...........
Don't keep anusol and Colgate on the same shelf
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#2325 28 Aug 2015 at 1.35am | | | |
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In reply to Post #2310
Lol such long topic
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#2324 23 Aug 2015 at 12.41pm | | | |
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After too many visits to the "Pleasure Parlour"
(the house of horizontal refreshment)
JimmyAd notices green lumps
On his wedding tackle. So off he goes to the doctor.
The doctor explains "You know how wrestlers and rugby
players get cauliflower ears?"
"Yes" says Jim, nodding seriously.
"Well" says the doctor, "You've got Brothel Sprouts."
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#2323 18 Aug 2015 at 8.58pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2322
You think thats bad, when I went to piss in the sink someone left the tap running, I was there for ages
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#2322 17 Aug 2015 at 6.14pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2321
I'm thinking about kicking my missus out , every time I try and have a piss in the sink it's always
full of washing up .
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#2321 5 Aug 2015 at 8.56pm | | | |
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Our dog died yesterday, the wife named him Cigarette I don’t know why, he had no legs but he always seemed to be happy, I’m gonna miss taking him out for a drag 
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#2320 5 Aug 2015 at 8.43pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2319
Tel
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#2319 3 Aug 2015 at 11.12pm | | | |
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My bird told me today that being fat was in her genes ,
I told her , bollox , you look fat in a skirt as well
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#2318 18 Jul 2015 at 4.40pm | | | |
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What makes up
100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that
might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G
H I J K L M N
O P Q R S T U
V W X Y Z
Is represented
as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
= 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard
work and Knowledge will get you close, and
Attitude will get you there.
It’s the Bull**** and ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know WHY some people are where they are! 
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#2317 17 Jul 2015 at 7.14pm | | | |
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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, Its what mummy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother; 'Don't eat it, it's an a***hole!'
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