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   Old Thread  #2367 23 Dec 2015 at 8.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Just bought some sage & onion flavoured condoms. Should come in handy if I find a plump bird that wants stuffing...
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   Old Thread  #2366 23 Dec 2015 at 6.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
The night before Christmas
Throughout the house
We were all ****ed
Even the mouse
Dad at the brothel
Mum with uncle frank
I settled down
For a nice slow w&nk
Outside the house
I heard a right clatter
I let go of my cock
To see what was the matter
Out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew right away
It was old st Nick
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell
The big fat ****er
I think he fell
He filled all our stockings
With sweets and beer
And a big rubber cock
For my brother the queer
He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart
The big fat ****
Blew the house apart
He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight
Shouting I'll be back next year
Have a hell of a night

Merry xmas fellow jesters
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   Old Thread  #2365 20 Dec 2015 at 7.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2362
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   Old Thread  #2364 20 Dec 2015 at 7.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2360
Spammer
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   Old Thread  #2363 20 Dec 2015 at 12.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As the sad news of Jimmy Hill's death was announced today, it was also revealed that the pantomime he was appearing in has been cancelled out of respect.

Tickets for Chinderella can be refunded at the box office.

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   Old Thread  #2362 19 Dec 2015 at 1.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest," especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
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   Old Thread  #2361 19 Dec 2015 at 12.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2360
A good start Nic, welcome to the forum
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   Old Thread  #2360 18 Dec 2015 at 10.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Joey's confession


Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl. The priest asks, Is

that you, little Joey Pagano? Yes, Father, it is. And who was the girl you were with?

I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. Well, Joey, I'm sure to

find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? I

cannot say. Was it Teresa Mazzarelli? I'll never tell. Was it Nina Capelli? I'm

sorry, but I cannot name her. Was it Cathy Piriano? My lips are sealed. Was it Rosa

DiAngelo, then? Please, Father! I cannot tell you. The priest sighs in frustration.

You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You

cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself. Joey walks back

to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, What'd you get? Four months

vacation and five good leads...

Great jokes ... you can share them with my friends at nodepositforum.com if you like, that

is where I found this one, Ill bring you some more later.
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   Old Thread  #2359 18 Dec 2015 at 4.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The teacher said.....well class I asked you to bring something into school that is associated with Christmas, Sarah! what did you bring? some tinsel miss, we put it on our tree this time of year, well done, James! what about you? I brought a Christmas pudding which we only eat at Christmas miss, very good James, teacher spots Billie with a plastic bag, bring out you item Billie, she opens the bag and takes out a G string, rather embarrassed she says....Billie what on earth have these got to do with Christmas? they're Carols miss
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   Old Thread  #2358 14 Dec 2015 at 3.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Dad cooks a deer and doesn't tell the kids what it is.
He said I'll give you a clue , it's what your mother calls me .
The little boy shouts out , it's a ****ing dick , don't eat it
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   Old Thread  #2357 13 Dec 2015 at 1.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2356
My doctor told me that half a bottle of wine at night was bad for me.
I make sure I finish it now
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   Old Thread  #2356 12 Dec 2015 at 11.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Warning - be careful if you decide to sign up for the new Tesco Dating service. I tried it and ended up with a Bag for Life!!!!!'
👀👀
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2355 12 Dec 2015 at 11.20am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A drover from a huge cattle station in the Australian outback appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the drover offered.

"Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of the lot of ya!"

St. Peter was very impressed, "When did this happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2354 12 Dec 2015 at 11.18am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2352
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters SNIPE into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today. The rest of us are posting and reading jokes on Carpforum😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2353 11 Dec 2015 at 9.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I like my women how I like my advent calendar.

Against my wall, flaps open, ready to be eaten.

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