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   Old Thread  #2413 12 Feb 2016 at 9.09am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street.
He asked her name.
'Polo, I'm the one with the hole,' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts,' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But 3 days later his Sherbet Dip started to itch.....
turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who had Allsorts
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   Old Thread  #2412 11 Feb 2016 at 7.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2411
Yes about 30 years ago
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   Old Thread  #2411 10 Feb 2016 at 9.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2410
did you tell them the one about 6 legs as well???
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   Old Thread  #2410 10 Feb 2016 at 10.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2397
According to tetley the way to make the perfect Cuppa is to agitate the bag , so every morning I slap her Arse and say , two sugars fatty

Just told that to the blokes at work.
They're still laughing
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   Old Thread  #2409 5 Feb 2016 at 3.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A prisoner in a British jail has been caught with 4 mobile phones up his arse.

After struggling to squeeze them out,his ringtone changed.
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   Old Thread  #2408 5 Feb 2016 at 2.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2407
Was in a que earlier behind a great big fat bird with a huge Arse , her phone started bleeping and
The young lad behind me shouts out , **** me , mind out , she's reversing
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   Old Thread  #2407 5 Feb 2016 at 9.14am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2406 4 Feb 2016 at 1.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2404
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Tel
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   Old Thread  #2405 4 Feb 2016 at 10.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2404 4 Feb 2016 at 9.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Flagged a black cab down in London this morning and said to the driver "Waterloo please mate"
"The station , he replied" . I said well I'm a bit ****ing late for the battle ain't I
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   Old Thread  #2403 2 Feb 2016 at 9.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Scientists say that sniffing Rosemary can increase memory by 75 percent, yet every time I try she slaps me and says I'm a creep.

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   Old Thread  #2402 2 Feb 2016 at 7.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said to a local business man your obversely very rich and successful
what is your negative side?
"my honesty" he said
"I don't think that's bad"
"I don't give a f*** what you think".
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   Old Thread  #2401 1 Feb 2016 at 5.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said to my mate Bob....my wife tells me that all her girl friends
says your fantastic in bed and can go at it for ages, how do you do it?
well said Bob......before I go in the bedroom I go in the kitchen and drop
me strides then bash the old spam ram on the work top till it throbs and
I can hardly feel it, ok so now I'm going to try it, I left work early and crept
into the kitchen, dropped everything and bashed the life out of Mr wiggle
till he was throbbing when all of a sudden the wife calls out......"is that you Bob"?
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   Old Thread  #2400 31 Jan 2016 at 6.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #2399 31 Jan 2016 at 1.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife walked in on me watching porn the other day, to my suprise she ripped all of her clothes off and told me to **** her like you see the women in porn.

So i stopped every 7 seconds and shouted ****ing connection.

Thanks Virgin media.

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