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   Old Thread  #47 11 Mar 2012 at 2.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
This big girl walked over to me at the bar, lifted her leg up onto my stool and seductively showed me a tattoo that went up her inner thigh.What dya think? She said.My ex had one of them so i dumped her.What? A tattoo?No, i mean a fat belly
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   Old Thread  #46 11 Mar 2012 at 2.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went to a sex shop and the lady behind the counter said "Hello, the S&M section is just over there."So I nodded my head. I would have thanked her but I had my gimp mask on at the time
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   Old Thread  #45 10 Mar 2012 at 7.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #42
I was watching a film with my little boy. He said "dad, I'm getting scared, is that lady going to die"? I said "probably son, judging by the size of that horses cock"....
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   Old Thread  #44 10 Mar 2012 at 2.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #42
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   Old Thread  #43 10 Mar 2012 at 12.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Hahahaha
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   Old Thread  #42 10 Mar 2012 at 7.46am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.
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   Old Thread  #41 9 Mar 2012 at 9.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As my wife regained consciousness after a six month coma, the doctor said:

"She's awake sir, you can speak to her."

"Ok" I said, "I'll ask you again, and this time I want the truth... where were you 'til midnight?"
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   Old Thread  #40 8 Mar 2012 at 12.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Travelling on the tube this morning I was eyeing up this fit bird.
she tagged me and said
"What are you looking at"
I replied "8 to 16 years depending on how much you struggle"
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   Old Thread  #39 7 Mar 2012 at 7.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently, "A meal for two with a terrible view" isn't the best way to announce number 69!
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   Old Thread  #38 7 Mar 2012 at 7.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
To the lady driving in front of me, putting on make-up with one hand and texting with the other, please stop hitting your brake.... you're going to make me spill my beer.
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   Old Thread  #37 5 Mar 2012 at 4.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A lorry has arrived in London loaded with barbed wire and wooden posts.................................

turns out to be the Irish Olympic fencing team


i would just like to say that i hope the reference to irish ethnic origin isnt construde as being a racist slur against that great country and its people
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   Old Thread  #36 5 Mar 2012 at 7.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Since January 2011, Fernando Torres has had more managers than goals.
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   Old Thread  #35 4 Mar 2012 at 9.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
TEXTING for over 40s

The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more matured.....

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin In!
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   Old Thread  #31 4 Mar 2012 at 5.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
To save time and money, Chelsea have sacked their next manager too.
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   Old Thread  #30 3 Mar 2012 at 6.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
'Sheffield Wednesday appoint Dave Jones as their new manager.'Sounds like a busy week for him... Considering he died on Wednesday.
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