CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
PPPIKER is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of PPPIKER (Gareth)
Contact details supplied to MODs
PPPIKER
Posts: 537
   Old Thread  #125 10 May 2012 at 2.11pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #124
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
... ... 'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10270
   Old Thread  #124 9 May 2012 at 11.05pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #123
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #123 9 May 2012 at 8.39pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

"Where the **** have you been?" screamed my wife.

I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."

"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

"So can you" I said, "This isn't our house anymore."
cidermonkey is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of cidermonkey (Pete)
Contact details supplied to MODs
cidermonkey
Posts: 814
   Old Thread  #122 9 May 2012 at 6.19pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ann Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vaginal gel for women... now when their man goes down, he can have a bevvy as well..!

Anti-drink campaigners, however, want it banned amid fears of 24 hour m1nge drinking......
power is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of power (Jake)
power
Posts: 143
   Old Thread  #121 8 May 2012 at 10.59pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
A big ole bird goes to the doc's and says "doc i've got a lump in each boob?"


.....Doc reply's " its you knee's love!!"
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #120 4 May 2012 at 10.14pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #119
noj is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of noj (Noj)
Contact details supplied to MODs
noj
Posts: 11264
Social photographer...
   Old Thread  #119 4 May 2012 at 2.02pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Give a man a fish, and he'll feed his family for a day.

Give him a fishing rod, and he'll **** off for the whole weekend.    
cidermonkey is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of cidermonkey (Pete)
Contact details supplied to MODs
cidermonkey
Posts: 814
   Old Thread  #118 2 May 2012 at 1.25pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
bashmeister is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of bashmeister (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
bashmeister
Posts: 501
   Old Thread  #117 29 Apr 2012 at 8.17pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #116
My mate set me up on a blind date....

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right bloody idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!!!!!
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #116 29 Apr 2012 at 7.53pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The lady next door came to my door asking if I knew anything about her washing missing from her clothes line.I almost sh.t her pants
D_Viper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of D_Viper (Dodge)
D_Viper
Posts: 3119
   Old Thread  #115 24 Apr 2012 at 7.49am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #114
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #114 19 Apr 2012 at 8.31pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
mal is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of mal (Mal)
Contact details supplied to MODs
mal
Posts: 7940
   Old Thread  #113 15 Apr 2012 at 3.09pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler!
bigdave1988 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of bigdave1988 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
bigdave1988
Posts: 743
   Old Thread  #112 15 Apr 2012 at 2.09pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #111
After our divorce i killed the wife and dumped her body but kept her *****. my new girlfriend hasn't a clue when i say im going upstairs to have a go on the ex box
bigdave1988 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of bigdave1988 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
bigdave1988
Posts: 743
   Old Thread  #111 15 Apr 2012 at 2.01pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #110
Stephen hawking just came back from his first date in years!His glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. apparently she stood him up!
Page: 174.333333333333 of 182  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2022  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk