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   Old Thread  #133 17 May 2012 at 6.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Beware ebay scam....just bought a penis enlarger and received a magnifying glass with the instructions...DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT
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   Old Thread  #132 17 May 2012 at 5.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Liverpool have appointed Ken Dodd as their new manager so they dont have to change the initials on the tracksuit.
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   Old Thread  #131 15 May 2012 at 7.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A bloke's wife is feeling adventurous and suggests they go to a strip club.
When the couple arrive at a club the doorman says "hi dave".
"how does he know you?" asks dave's wife.
"He's on my darts team" he replies.
As they go inside the barman says "hi dave, the usual?".
Before his wife pipes up he explains he drinks in the local so knows his usual tipple.
They take their seat when suddenly a dancer waves and yells "private dance in the back room dave?"..
With that his wife storms out before he can explain, he chases her out of the door and hails a taxi..
As the couple get in the cab driver turns around and says "****ing hell dave, you've pulled a right ****ing dog this week!"
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   Old Thread  #130 14 May 2012 at 10.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
How do you get a cork back in a champagne bottle?






Ask a Man u fan.
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   Old Thread  #129 14 May 2012 at 9.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Manchester United have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.

The number is 0800 10 10 10.

Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.

Once again the number is

0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing
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   Old Thread  #128 13 May 2012 at 6.17pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
There's a lot of man utd fans feeling blue today. Not because they lost the league, because they now support city.
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   Old Thread  #127 12 May 2012 at 4.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #125
Quality
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   Old Thread  #126 12 May 2012 at 4.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #125 10 May 2012 at 2.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
... ... 'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar
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   Old Thread  #124 9 May 2012 at 11.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #123
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   Old Thread  #123 9 May 2012 at 8.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

"Where the **** have you been?" screamed my wife.

I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."

"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

"So can you" I said, "This isn't our house anymore."
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   Old Thread  #122 9 May 2012 at 6.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ann Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vaginal gel for women... now when their man goes down, he can have a bevvy as well..!

Anti-drink campaigners, however, want it banned amid fears of 24 hour m1nge drinking......
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   Old Thread  #121 8 May 2012 at 10.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A big ole bird goes to the doc's and says "doc i've got a lump in each boob?"


.....Doc reply's " its you knee's love!!"
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   Old Thread  #120 4 May 2012 at 10.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #119 4 May 2012 at 2.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Give a man a fish, and he'll feed his family for a day.

Give him a fishing rod, and he'll **** off for the whole weekend.    
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