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   Old Thread  #241 2 Aug 2012 at 8.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two married women go to a bar for a girls' night out.
After way too many cocktails, they decide they should walk home.
Stumbling past a graveyard, they both decide they need to pee, and nip in and squat behind some tombstones. They realize they don't have any kleenex for wiping, so one girl takes off her panties, uses them to wipe and throws them away. The other one doesn't want to spoil her exp
ensive matching bra and panty set, so she scratches around in the dark and finds a ribbon from a wreath, which does the job.
After that they make their way home.
The next day, husband No. 1 phones husband No.2. He says "This girls' night out thing has got to stop! Last night my wife came home with no panties on!" Husband No. 2: "That's nothing! My wife came home with a card stuck on her ass that read 'From all of us at the fire station. We'll never forget you!!"
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   Old Thread  #240 1 Aug 2012 at 6.33am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So Drogba leaves and moves to China. A few weeks later China clean up in the Olympic diving medals. Coinicidence?
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   Old Thread  #239 1 Aug 2012 at 6.31am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
600 million Indians were plunged into darkness today...when the country's main electricity supplier fell off his bike.
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   Old Thread  #238 31 Jul 2012 at 2.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A man walking along Redcar beach trips on an old bottle sticking out the sand ,so he digs it up and gives it a good rub to clean it of suddenly out pops a Genie, many thanks man says the Genie I've been stuck in that bottle for 2 thousand years right I'll be of now, hang on a minute mate says the man you owe me three wishes for letting you out, NoNo mate that only happens in Arabian night tales , still he says you did get me out the bottle I'll give you one wish what would you wish for, I've always want to see America, no problem well go on my magic carpet , the man says know I can't I'm always air sick same on ships always sea sick , look build me a motorway from this beach to New York , the Genie says man that will take me a fortnight, is there anything easier that I might get you, the man says some times I get lonely I could do with a good woman but she must be clever a good cook witty and a good conversationalist in short she has to be PERFECT. The Genie says and what was your first wish again ?
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   Old Thread  #237 28 Jul 2012 at 3.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #236 28 Jul 2012 at 2.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Having watched the opening ceremony, I must say...

I've seen better Bond girls.
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   Old Thread  #235 25 Jul 2012 at 10.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Susan Boyle has just released her new book .... "50 shaves a day
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   Old Thread  #234 25 Jul 2012 at 9.02am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I called around to my new girlfriend's place last night with a big bunch of flowers for her. She opened the door, saw the flowers, and dragged me inside. She laid back on the couch, pulled her skirt up, ripped her knickers off and said, "This is for the flowers.""Don't be silly', I replied, 'You must have a vase somewhere
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   Old Thread  #233 24 Jul 2012 at 9.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last night I was.sat on the edge of the bed pulling of my boxers and the wife said to me....please dont do that to the dogs.

She told me that a small penis doesnt bother her during sex...personally I would rather she didnt have one
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   Old Thread  #232 24 Jul 2012 at 8.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #231 24 Jul 2012 at 8.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions ". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is an absolute bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest d*ck."
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   Old Thread  #230 24 Jul 2012 at 7.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #229 24 Jul 2012 at 7.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

Little Johnny is taking a shower
with his mother and says, "Mom,
what are those things on your
chest!?" Unsure of how to reply,
she tells Johnny to ask his dad at
breakfast tomorrow, quite
certain the matter would be
forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The
following morning he asked his
father the same question. His
father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny,
those are balloons. When your
mommy dies, we can blow them
up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks that's neat and
asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad
comes home from work a few
hours early. Johnny runs out of
the house crying hysterically,
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's
dying!!" His father says, "Calm
down son! Why do you think
Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is
blowing up Mommy's balloons
and she's screaming, "Oh God,
I'm coming
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   Old Thread  #228 22 Jul 2012 at 6.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A African bloke walked into my pub holding a bucket this afternoon.
He handed me the bucket and said,"can you fill this up with water?"
i said; "f--k sake how many miles have you walked for this?"
He said,
"none you cheeky c--t l'm the window cleaner."
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   Old Thread  #227 21 Jul 2012 at 10.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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