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 #2491 5 Oct 2016 at 8.22pm | |  |   |
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In reply to Post #2489
PMSL 
I had a wife, once lol
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#2490 5 Oct 2016 at 8.20pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2489
Sounds like my wife but she doesn't take it up the arse and she's useless with the kids 
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#2489 5 Oct 2016 at 8.14pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2488
The old bill knocked my door last night holding a picture of my wife, they said " excuse me sir , is this you're wife" , l said "yes" . He replied " I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus " . I said "I know , but she takes it up the arse and she's good with the kids .
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#2488 15 Sept 2016 at 9.15pm | | | |
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went to a show the other night, there was a hypnotist, boy he was good, swinging his pocket watch left to right and back again he had 7 guys under his spell in no time, as he turned to the audience he stumbled and dropped the watch, it broke into a thousand pieces, as he bent down to pick up the bits he said f*** me and what I saw in the next 5 minutes will haunt me for the rest of my life.
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#2487 5 Sept 2016 at 11.06am | | | |
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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home, feeling well randy and full of confidence he leans his hand on the wall and says "darling will you give me a blowjob"
"no my parents will see us"
"oh come on who's gonna see us at this hour"
"no, can you imagine if we get caught"
"oh come on they're all asleep"
"no its just too risky"
"please please I love you so much"
"I love you too but I just can't "
"I beg you"
then the landing light goes on and the girls sister comes down the stairs, in a sleepy voice says "dad says give him a blowjob, or I can do it, or if need be he'll do it but for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom"
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#2486 31 Aug 2016 at 10.58pm | | | |
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#2485 31 Aug 2016 at 4.07pm | | | |
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Jack Wiltshire has fallen out of the transfer window and will be out for four months
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#2484 18 Aug 2016 at 12.15pm | | | |
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Mick O'Reilly raised his beer glass and said "here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me lovely wife", he won the best toast of the night, went home and told the wife, aye did you now, what was the toast? "here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife", next day the wife bumps into one of Mick's drinking pals, hello Mary he chuckles I see Mick won the best toast of the night and it was about you, yes she said though I'm a bit surprised he's only been in there twice in the last 4 years, the first time I had to pull his ear to make him come and the second he fell asleep.
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#2483 13 Aug 2016 at 1.38pm | | | |
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Paddy is holding down a good job at The Natural History museum then one day a Yank said hey buddy what is that? paddy replied that boss is a Mammoth it's very old, really, how old is it? this one is 4 million years 8 months, Wow said the yank, how can they get the age so accurate? well said paddy it was 4 million years old when I got the job and I've been hear 8 months now.
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#2482 4 Aug 2016 at 7.24pm | | | |
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Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
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#2481 4 Aug 2016 at 7.19pm | | | |
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In reply to Post #2480
brill
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#2480 3 Aug 2016 at 7.46pm | | | |
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Went to my first Isis birthday party today , musical chairs was a bit slow but **** me pass the parcel weren't half quick .
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#2479 2 Aug 2016 at 9.05pm | | | |
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My neighbor just confronted me about stuff going missing from her washing line ,
**** me , I nearly sh1t her pants
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#2478 2 Aug 2016 at 8.46pm | | | |
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A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"
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#2477 2 Aug 2016 at 8.42pm | | | |
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I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
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