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A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, and then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
Tel
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In reply to Post #2539
What's the difference between a seductress and a flirt? A seductress uses her feminine guile and the allure of potential sexual gratification to get what she wants. A flirt is what Geordie milkmen ride round on
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An unemployed man went into a job center in Devon and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Enticed by the job title, he went in
and asked the clerk for details of the position.
The clerk pulled up the file and read;
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the Gynecologist .
You have to help the women out of there underwear , lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in
soothing oils so they're ready for the Gynecologist's examination.
"The annual salary is 125.000 , and if you are interested you will have to travel to Inverness Scotland ".
"Good grief....Is that where the job is?"
"No sir..... that's where the end of the line is for applicants right now.
😂😂
Tel
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Husband sat in his room throwing darts at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the Target. 🎯
From the kitchen wife asks the husband :
"What are u doing?"
Husband : "MISSING YOU DARLING"
👍
Tel
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a 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom, the 7 year old says it's time we started swearing, when we go down for breakfast I'll start then you, OK, the 4 year old says yeah OK, they go down and mum says what do you want for breakfast? the 7 year old says Coco pops Bitch, whack, he gets a clout round the head and ends up on the floor, she turns to the 4 year old and says what about you, well it won't be f***ing Coco pops.
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In reply to Post #2532
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two cannibal's eating a clown (not me) one turns to the other and says does this taste funny to you? 
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In reply to Post #1
Donald trump goes to the hospital for his circumcision. The doctor walks in and says "I cannot operate on this man, there's no end to this *****" 
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In reply to Post #2531
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Boy says to mum , I've got the biggest nob at nursery , is it because I'm a scouser , no she replies
It's because you're 28 and a ****ing retard now be a good lad and don't get you're spaghetti hoops
Down you're Liverpool shirt
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If someone tries to assassinate president Trump will his bodyguards shout Donald , Duck
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Kids know far to much these days , today in the doctors waiting room a little girl was playing with
Ken and Barbie dolls imitating the doggy position . I bent down and whispered , you'll end up
With baby dolls if you keep doing that , she replied I don't think so dickhead , he's doing her up
The ar$e
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Got chatting to this bird in a club the other night and she whispered in my ear "fancy coming back to mine , I've got a fanny like a polo " , to right I said .
Got her home and dropped her draws then I gasped , she said you look shocked , I said i thought you meant
The mint , not the ****ing hatchback
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A guy goes in to a pub, he grabs a guy at the bar, sticks a gun up his trumpet and says "who's been shagging my wife"? The barman laughed and said "you don't have enough bullets".
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The wife had her teeth whitened last night, but to be honest I think most of it went on her chin.
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NON Carp stuff