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Joke Thread
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no1carpangler

Posts: 101

#326 12 Sept 2012 at 5.41pm

In reply to Post #322
haaaaaaaaaaa

Snapper1725

Posts: 1050

#325 12 Sept 2012 at 11.42am

3 woman sat drinking& talking about sexy pet names they have for their husbands.
1st one says, I call mine, The dentist because he knows how to drill and fill me.
2nd one says,I call mine, the miner, cause of his long dark shaft.
3rd one says, I call mine, the postman. The other 2 woman smile and ask why? She replys, cause his sacks are always full, he takes ages to come & if he can't deliver at the front, he'll try round the back!

WaftyCranker

Posts: 3455

#324 12 Sept 2012 at 7.20am

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty."Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside."Do these excite you?" she asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk."Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her!

sik

Posts: 2391

#323 11 Sept 2012 at 8.24am

In reply to Post #322

carpy09

Posts: 13304

#322 10 Sept 2012 at 7.58pm

In reply to Post #318
some crackers their mate

sik

Posts: 2391

#321 10 Sept 2012 at 7.09pm

One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and under the bed she found a bondage-S&M magazine. Highly upset she showed it to her husband.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!"

sik

Posts: 2391

#320 10 Sept 2012 at 6.31pm

Man teases his ex-wife's new husband: "So, dude how was the second-hand Stuff?"
New husband: "Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new

sik

Posts: 2391

#319 10 Sept 2012 at 6.30pm

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time

sik

Posts: 2391

#318 10 Sept 2012 at 6.29pm

Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands Shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a p1ss yesterday, I came three times

Mr-Bean-Laden

Posts: 2171

#317 8 Sept 2012 at 7.03pm

A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.

Nice one Philip, that'll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash.

captaincarpman1

Posts: 49

#316 7 Sept 2012 at 9.55pm

In reply to Post #1
Is not every joke offensive in some way or another ? its not meant to hurt anyone,its just a JOKE !!! its funny and it makes people laugh,it should not be taken seriously

carpy09

Posts: 13304

#315 6 Sept 2012 at 6.22pm

In reply to Post #313

sik

Posts: 2391

#314 6 Sept 2012 at 5.29pm

When the Pope toured Ireland he was asked what he thought of County Down.. he said "It's not the same since Carol Vordeman left"..

sik

Posts: 2391

#313 6 Sept 2012 at 1.38pm

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, �I�ll give you $800 to drop that towel.� After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, �Who was that?� �It was Bob the next door neighbour,� she replies.

�Great!� the husband says, �did he give you the $800 he owes me?�

sik

Posts: 2391

#312 6 Sept 2012 at 11.57am

Some sl.g was giving me a hand job last night. "You're really good at this," I said, "what's your secret?" "Years of practice," she giggled."You've done this to loads of guys then? I asked."No" came the reply, "my name used to be Derek."


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