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   Old Thread  #288 1 Sept 2012 at 9.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I thought i'd be nice and buy the wife some lingerie."Thanks honey but this is a girls training bra" she said,"I know", i replied "i was hoping we could re-train yours, they're down to your knee's
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   Old Thread  #287 1 Sept 2012 at 9.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I took a girl back to my flat last night and we done it doggy style all night.We didn't plan it that way, that's just how she passed out.
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   Old Thread  #286 1 Sept 2012 at 9.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man wanted to have sex with his secretary, he said to her, i will give you 1000 dollar i will throw it on the floor you will bend down and i will be through before you pick it. The woman called her husband on phone and told him about it. The husband says, ask him for 3000 dollar and make sure you pick the money fast before he zips down. After waiting for the wife's call about 1hr the husband calls and asked what hapened? the wife replied. Honey call me back please, The Idiot used Coins!!!
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   Old Thread  #285 1 Sept 2012 at 9.08am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'm not exactly saying my mate's good with the women... but put it this way - he's seen more f**cking t**t than John terrys bathroom mirror.
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   Old Thread  #284 28 Aug 2012 at 2.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #283
paul gascoine been spotted in essex with a tin of whiskers
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   Old Thread  #283 28 Aug 2012 at 7.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Sky Reporter "So Peter, What would you be if you weren't a footballer?"..Peter Crouch "A Virgin".
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   Old Thread  #282 27 Aug 2012 at 5.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a thug,a racist,an adulterer and a footballer walk in to a pub.
the barman says,"what can i get you Mr Terry?"
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   Old Thread  #281 24 Aug 2012 at 2.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I have a little Sat nav
It sits there in my car
- A Sat nav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are -

I have a little Sat nav
I'll have it all my life
Itís better than the normal ones
My Sat nav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other road user
Has this advanced device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's very fraught
So why don't I just trade it in
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
And makes sure I am fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And keeps me warm in bed

Despite all these advantages
I know I've friends who scoff
The truth is I can't find the way
To turn the damned thing off.
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   Old Thread  #280 24 Aug 2012 at 10.19am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was talking to Andy Gray earlier. He told me FIFA 13 is so realistic that when it rains you get to see Sian Masseys nipples through her shirt.
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   Old Thread  #279 23 Aug 2012 at 7.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #278
ah did ya.. classic aint it :D
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   Old Thread  #278 23 Aug 2012 at 11.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #277
I posted that one a while back,still makes me chuckle reading it again though.....
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   Old Thread  #277 20 Aug 2012 at 9.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Text the missus to see what she was up to, she said Gavin from autoglass was injecting his special resin into her crack.. Now i'm not normally a suspicious person, but i've got the car!
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   Old Thread  #276 19 Aug 2012 at 12.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #275
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   Old Thread  #275 19 Aug 2012 at 10.16am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
chinese man rings boss "me no work i sick" boss says "when im sick i fcuk my wife try that" 2hours later chinese man rings back "me better, you got nice house
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   Old Thread  #274 16 Aug 2012 at 5.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Old framer writes to his son in prison;
Dear son,this year i wont be able to plant potatoes because i cant dig the field by myself,i know if you were here ,you would help me .
The son writes back;dad don't even think of digging the field because that's were i buried the money i stole.
The police read the letter and the next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The following day the son wrote again......Now plant your potatoes dad.......its the best i can do from here.
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