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"you spend far too much time on that computer"
Possibly a bit harsh,but as one of Stephen hawking's closest friends,i felt someone had to tell him.
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My girlfriend got the sack today.
That will teach her for sleeping with her mouth open
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In reply to Post #491
thats a good un 
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In reply to Post #493
 
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In reply to Post #492
text from dog
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In reply to Post #491
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The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips. Mick sat up and watched me all night."
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In reply to Post #488
lol
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I just received a call from an Indian telemarketer.
So I handed the phone to my three year old son and told him that Santa Claus is on the phone. Their conversation has been going on for ages!
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I've been going through some real money troubles. Realising this, my Gran gave me her pearl earrings. "They've been passed down through the generations," she said, "but needs must. "Great. Now I'm broke and I look super gay as well.
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In reply to Post #486
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I was standing in a bar and this little chinese guy comes in the pub,stands next to me and starts drinking.
I said to him "do you know any of those martial arts things like kung fu karate or ju-jitsu? He says "no why the f--k you ask me dat? is it coz i chinese? No i said its because you're drinking my pint you little c--t.
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In reply to Post #477
just spat cheese n crackers at me lap top
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Four words to dread hearing after sex....."howz about that then"
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In reply to Post #482
Ditto
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NON Carp stuff