CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #688 11 Dec 2012 at 1.21pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.

She said to me, "Have you got a nickname?"

l said, "Yes, my mates call me 'the sledge.'

"She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride?"

l said, "No, it's because l always get pulled by fcuking dogs!!"
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #687 11 Dec 2012 at 7.07am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said to the wife, "will you take it up the @rse?""You're f..king sick you are" she screamed."A lot of blokes ask their wives that" I said."Not when they're holding a fire extinguisher" she said
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #686 10 Dec 2012 at 6.57pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
See they are getting ready for the 2016 Olympics in Brazil... Already throwing money at Rio !!
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #685 10 Dec 2012 at 1.42pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"I'm never going to get a woman," moaned my mate."

Try using shower gel." I advised him.

"You think smelling better might help me?" he asked.

"No, but it'll make your lonely w@nks more enjoyable."
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #684 10 Dec 2012 at 1.41pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #683 10 Dec 2012 at 1.38pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'm not saying my new girlfriend is a sl@g or anything, But by the looks of her f@nny, I'm thinking it's more of a suggestion box
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #682 9 Dec 2012 at 10.02pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was shagging my blonde girlfriend when she said, "Cum all over me and I will not leave your bedroom until I've licked it all up."

3 years on she's still in my bedroom. **** knows how my jizz got onto her elbow.
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
   Old Thread  #681 9 Dec 2012 at 7.46pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So Rio Ferdinand has had a coin thrown at him by a Manchester City supporter...It's a case of 'The fan hitting the ****'.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #680 9 Dec 2012 at 7.42pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The worst letter i've ever wrote:

Dear Jim ,please can you fix it for me to go on its a knock out!.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #679 9 Dec 2012 at 7.36pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
l was getting a hand job off my new girlfriend when i asked,"how are you so good at this?"
"Years of practice," She said.
"Bit of a player in your day?" l laughed.

"no," "my dad had no arms!!"
lincs-carper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of lincs-carper (Steve)
lincs-carper
Posts: 796
   Old Thread  #678 8 Dec 2012 at 7.58pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
I Was in the pub chatting to a nice lady when she says do you fancy a bit in the car, well what could I say apart from bloody hell yeah. One thing led to another when a policeman knocked on the window and says what's going on in there, well the Women went mad shouting and screaming at the copper. At which point the copper arrests me for............having an offensinve person on my weapon!!!!!!
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2171
   Old Thread  #677 7 Dec 2012 at 7.42pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ladbrokes must be sh**ting themselves right now.

If Des O'Connor is next, I've landed a 7 paedo accumulator.
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #676 7 Dec 2012 at 12.29pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #674
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #675 7 Dec 2012 at 12.29pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend."The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?"Paddy says "A t1t w@nk..!
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22715
   Old Thread  #674 7 Dec 2012 at 11.11am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The doctor has advised me to avoid saturated fat.

So I've stopped shagging the missus in the shower.
Page: 137 of 182  
  
   Copyright 2002-2022  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk