CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2468 4 Jun 2016 at 11.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2467 1 Jun 2016 at 11.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2466
boom boom ......boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10074
   Old Thread  #2466 1 Jun 2016 at 4.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A blokes fat wife walks into the kitchen and says , didn't you just hear me fall down the stairs ?
He says , sorry love , I thought you were watching the start of east Enders
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2465 1 Jun 2016 at 11.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
2 girls at the cinema watching a film.......after a while one girl turns to the other and says ere the bloke next to me is playing wiv imself..........oh just ignore him..........I can't he's using my hand.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2464 1 Jun 2016 at 11.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A daughter asked her mother, "how do you spell 'scrotum'?" mum replied, " you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2463 1 Jun 2016 at 11.38am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2462 11 May 2016 at 10.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2461
my sister had big problems being a kleptomaniac , when it was too much for her she would take something for it.
capt_swearword is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of capt_swearword (Dan)
Contact details supplied to MODs
capt_swearword
Posts: 879
   Old Thread  #2461 27 Apr 2016 at 7.11pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2460
Thinking of selling my hoover, its just collecting dust.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2460 26 Apr 2016 at 10.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2459
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10074
   Old Thread  #2459 26 Apr 2016 at 4.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said to my missus this morning , you look just like a saint "
She said , "ohh , do I really "
I said yeah, a ****ing Saint Bernard
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #2458 25 Apr 2016 at 9.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2456
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1077
   Old Thread  #2457 22 Apr 2016 at 9.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2456
Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading This..

You hang in there......



Tel
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10074
   Old Thread  #2456 21 Apr 2016 at 5.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
How unlucky is my mate , he went in hospital today to have his tonsils out and some ****er turned the trolley round
Tony59 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Tony59 (Tony)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Tony59
Posts: 1609
   Old Thread  #2455 19 Apr 2016 at 5.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last year my wife ran away with the neighbour.
I still miss him.
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3222
   Old Thread  #2454 19 Apr 2016 at 12.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Billy said to Johnny like your new phone, yeah said Johnny you’ll never guess how I got it, I came home early from Sunday school and caught mum and dad at it like rabbits so they bought me the phone to stay the full session you should try it, yeah says Billy I’ll give it a go, the next Sunday Billy go’s home early and catches his parents at it doggy fashion, as he stood in the doorway his dad says OH hello Billy what do you want? I wanna watch, ok son come in and sit over there.

Page: 14.3333333333333 of 178  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2020  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk