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   Old Thread  #2487 5 Sept 2016 at 11.06am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home, feeling well randy and full of confidence he leans his hand on the wall and says "darling will you give me a blowjob"
"no my parents will see us"
"oh come on who's gonna see us at this hour"
"no, can you imagine if we get caught"
"oh come on they're all asleep"
"no its just too risky"
"please please I love you so much"
"I love you too but I just can't "
"I beg you"
then the landing light goes on and the girls sister comes down the stairs, in a sleepy voice says "dad says give him a blowjob, or I can do it, or if need be he'll do it but for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom"
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   Old Thread  #2486 31 Aug 2016 at 10.58pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2485
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   Old Thread  #2485 31 Aug 2016 at 4.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Jack Wiltshire has fallen out of the transfer window and will be out for four months
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   Old Thread  #2484 18 Aug 2016 at 12.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Mick O'Reilly raised his beer glass and said "here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me lovely wife", he won the best toast of the night, went home and told the wife, aye did you now, what was the toast? "here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife", next day the wife bumps into one of Mick's drinking pals, hello Mary he chuckles I see Mick won the best toast of the night and it was about you, yes she said though I'm a bit surprised he's only been in there twice in the last 4 years, the first time I had to pull his ear to make him come and the second he fell asleep.
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   Old Thread  #2483 13 Aug 2016 at 1.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy is holding down a good job at The Natural History museum then one day a Yank said hey buddy what is that? paddy replied that boss is a Mammoth it's very old, really, how old is it? this one is 4 million years 8 months, Wow said the yank, how can they get the age so accurate? well said paddy it was 4 million years old when I got the job and I've been hear 8 months now.
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   Old Thread  #2482 4 Aug 2016 at 7.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
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   Old Thread  #2481 4 Aug 2016 at 7.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2480
brill
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   Old Thread  #2480 3 Aug 2016 at 7.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went to my first Isis birthday party today , musical chairs was a bit slow but **** me pass the parcel weren't half quick .
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   Old Thread  #2479 2 Aug 2016 at 9.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My neighbor just confronted me about stuff going missing from her washing line ,
**** me , I nearly sh1t her pants
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   Old Thread  #2478 2 Aug 2016 at 8.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"
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   Old Thread  #2477 2 Aug 2016 at 8.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
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   Old Thread  #2476 19 Jul 2016 at 7.49am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

'Son, where were you today?'

Son says 'at school dad.'

Robot slaps the son!

'Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!'

'What dvd?'

'Toy story.'

Robot slaps the son again!

'Ok, it was a porno' cries the son.

'What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'

Robot slaps the mum!
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   Old Thread  #2475 8 Jul 2016 at 5.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My missus left me because of my obsession with the footy , bitch , we'd been together ten seasons
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   Old Thread  #2474 8 Jul 2016 at 7.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Paddy opens Micks fridge and asks him why he keeps a empty bottle of milk in their.
In case somebody wants a black coffe you thick **** was his reply
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   Old Thread  #2473 5 Jul 2016 at 7.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2472
I met our postman at the gate the other day, I don't know what surprised him more, the fact that I was naked or the fact that I knew where he lived
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