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   Old Thread  #656 4 Dec 2012 at 6.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.

Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was OK and the babies were fine as well.



16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mum mum guess what?"

"What?"

I pi$$ed out a bullet.

So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mum mum guess what I pi$$ed out a bullet."

So the mum told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mum mum guess what?"

The mum said "let me guess you pi$$ed out a bullet."

"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"
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   Old Thread  #655 4 Dec 2012 at 6.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #654 4 Dec 2012 at 5.56pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
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   Old Thread  #653 4 Dec 2012 at 5.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #652 4 Dec 2012 at 5.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where's your f@cking Ferrari??
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   Old Thread  #651 4 Dec 2012 at 2.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #650 3 Dec 2012 at 9.04pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #649 3 Dec 2012 at 8.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My missus has asked for something in silk for Christmas...
No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the f--king wrong colour!
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   Old Thread  #648 3 Dec 2012 at 6.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #647 3 Dec 2012 at 6.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Kate Middleton fell pregnant because William wasn’t able to use one of the best forms of contraception.

A tit ****.
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   Old Thread  #646 3 Dec 2012 at 5.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Having green fingers is usually a good thing.

Unless you're with the hulk's daughter when he arrives home.
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   Old Thread  #645 3 Dec 2012 at 1.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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I was at a restaurant amd my waitress had a black eye....so i ordered rreeeaallllyyyy slow, because she obviously doesnt listen!
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   Old Thread  #644 2 Dec 2012 at 5.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate from Toxteth has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet.I asked him which website he saw them on.he replied "Google Earth"
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   Old Thread  #643 2 Dec 2012 at 11.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
For years I thought I had a birthmark on my arse. It turned out to be a cigar burn.

Hows about that then?
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   Old Thread  #642 2 Dec 2012 at 9.40am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife has been missing for over a week now.Police said to prepare for the worst,so I've been to the charity shop to get all her cloths back!
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