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 #690 11 Dec 2012 at 2.58pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #688
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#689 11 Dec 2012 at 2.57pm | | |
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"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old.
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son.
When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."
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#688 11 Dec 2012 at 1.21pm | | |
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I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.
She said to me, "Have you got a nickname?"
l said, "Yes, my mates call me 'the sledge.'
"She giggled and said, 'Is that because you're a smooth ride?"
l said, "No, it's because l always get pulled by fcuking dogs!!"
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#687 11 Dec 2012 at 7.07am | | |
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I said to the wife, "will you take it up the @rse?""You're f..king sick you are" she screamed."A lot of blokes ask their wives that" I said."Not when they're holding a fire extinguisher" she said
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#686 10 Dec 2012 at 6.57pm | | |
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See they are getting ready for the 2016 Olympics in Brazil... Already throwing money at Rio !!
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#685 10 Dec 2012 at 1.42pm | | |
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"I'm never going to get a woman," moaned my mate."
Try using shower gel." I advised him.
"You think smelling better might help me?" he asked.
"No, but it'll make your lonely w@nks more enjoyable."
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#684 10 Dec 2012 at 1.41pm | | |
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I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all
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#683 10 Dec 2012 at 1.38pm | | |
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I'm not saying my new girlfriend is a sl@g or anything, But by the looks of her f@nny, I'm thinking it's more of a suggestion box
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#682 9 Dec 2012 at 10.02pm | | |
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I was shagging my blonde girlfriend when she said, "Cum all over me and I will not leave your bedroom until I've licked it all up."
3 years on she's still in my bedroom. **** knows how my jizz got onto her elbow.
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#681 9 Dec 2012 at 7.46pm | | |
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So Rio Ferdinand has had a coin thrown at him by a Manchester City supporter...It's a case of 'The fan hitting the ****'.
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#680 9 Dec 2012 at 7.42pm | | |
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The worst letter i've ever wrote:
Dear Jim ,please can you fix it for me to go on its a knock out!.
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#679 9 Dec 2012 at 7.36pm | | |
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l was getting a hand job off my new girlfriend when i asked,"how are you so good at this?"
"Years of practice," She said.
"Bit of a player in your day?" l laughed.
"no," "my dad had no arms!!"
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#678 8 Dec 2012 at 7.58pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1
I Was in the pub chatting to a nice lady when she says do you fancy a bit in the car, well what could I say apart from bloody hell yeah. One thing led to another when a policeman knocked on the window and says what's going on in there, well the Women went mad shouting and screaming at the copper. At which point the copper arrests me for............having an offensinve person on my weapon!!!!!!
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#677 7 Dec 2012 at 7.42pm | | |
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Ladbrokes must be sh**ting themselves right now.
If Des O'Connor is next, I've landed a 7 paedo accumulator.
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#676 7 Dec 2012 at 12.29pm | | |
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In reply to Post #674
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