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   Old Thread  #769 24 Dec 2012 at 7.03pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Breaking news; FA to introduce sponge footballs and safety helmets after van Persie near death experience.
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   Old Thread  #768 24 Dec 2012 at 5.03pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #767
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   Old Thread  #767 24 Dec 2012 at 4.18pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I can't wait to unwrap and open 'Footballers' Cluedo' tomorrow.

I bet it was 'Ashley Williams' in 'The Liberty Stadium' with 'The Ball'.
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   Old Thread  #766 24 Dec 2012 at 4.15pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #765 24 Dec 2012 at 3.35pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #764 24 Dec 2012 at 2.32pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paul Daniels has revealed that, 40 years ago he picked up a hitchhiker and kissed her intimately only to discover she was a schoolgirl. He has therefore escaped 4 decades of prison and a media hate campaign.

Now *that's* magic!!
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   Old Thread  #763 24 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #761 24 Dec 2012 at 1.13pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's the best way to kill a rapist?




Well according to Alex Ferguson....its tapping him on the head with a football.
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   Old Thread  #760 24 Dec 2012 at 1.06pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #759 24 Dec 2012 at 11.45am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I have lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.

I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly
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   Old Thread  #758 24 Dec 2012 at 11.45am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I haven't washed my van for a few weeks now. I caught a tramp writing a message on it this morning.

It said, "I wish my wife was this clean
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   Old Thread  #757 24 Dec 2012 at 11.44am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As we laid in bed I dipped my finger into the wife's fanny.

She got a bit upset and said can't you just lick your finger to turn the page.
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   Old Thread  #756 24 Dec 2012 at 11.44am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I'm selling my pet python on ebay.

Some bloke just rang up and asked is it big?

I said ****ing massive.

He said how many feet?

I said none, it's a fcuking snake
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   Old Thread  #755 24 Dec 2012 at 11.42am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"How much for the huge washing machine?" I asked the lady in the shop today.

"1.50" she replied.

"You've got yourself a fcuking deal," I said, dragging it out of the launderette.
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   Old Thread  #754 24 Dec 2012 at 10.35am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. "Well?" she said, "I've lost a stone, can you see a difference?"

I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. "The beach has lost a stone." I said, "can you see a difference?"
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