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 #776 25 Dec 2012 at 5.00pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #775
 beltin!!!!!
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#775 25 Dec 2012 at 2.47pm | | |
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One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better. 
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#774 25 Dec 2012 at 8.04am | | |
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In reply to Post #769
 
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#773 25 Dec 2012 at 8.02am | | |
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In reply to Post #764
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#772 24 Dec 2012 at 9.35pm | | |
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In reply to Post #770
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#771 24 Dec 2012 at 8.37pm | | |
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In reply to Post #770
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#770 24 Dec 2012 at 8.36pm | | |
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What is white, the size of a smartie and can induce a cardiac arrest in a 74 year old man within one second?
Paul Daniels door bell
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#769 24 Dec 2012 at 7.03pm | | |
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Breaking news; FA to introduce sponge footballs and safety helmets after van Persie near death experience.
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#768 24 Dec 2012 at 5.03pm | | |
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In reply to Post #767
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#767 24 Dec 2012 at 4.18pm | | |
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I can't wait to unwrap and open 'Footballers' Cluedo' tomorrow.
I bet it was 'Ashley Williams' in 'The Liberty Stadium' with 'The Ball'.
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#766 24 Dec 2012 at 4.15pm | | |
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In reply to Post #764
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#765 24 Dec 2012 at 3.35pm | | |
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#764 24 Dec 2012 at 2.32pm | | |
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Paul Daniels has revealed that, 40 years ago he picked up a hitchhiker and kissed her intimately only to discover she was a schoolgirl. He has therefore escaped 4 decades of prison and a media hate campaign.
Now *that's* magic!!
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#763 24 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm | | |
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In reply to Post #761
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#761 24 Dec 2012 at 1.13pm | | |
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What's the best way to kill a rapist?
Well according to Alex Ferguson....its tapping him on the head with a football.
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