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 #764 24 Dec 2012 at 2.32pm | |   |
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Paul Daniels has revealed that, 40 years ago he picked up a hitchhiker and kissed her intimately only to discover she was a schoolgirl. He has therefore escaped 4 decades of prison and a media hate campaign.
Now *that's* magic!!
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#763 24 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm | | |
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In reply to Post #761
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#761 24 Dec 2012 at 1.13pm | | |
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What's the best way to kill a rapist?
Well according to Alex Ferguson....its tapping him on the head with a football.
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#760 24 Dec 2012 at 1.06pm | | |
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In reply to Post #757
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#759 24 Dec 2012 at 11.45am | | |
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I have lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.
I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#758 24 Dec 2012 at 11.45am | | |
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I haven't washed my van for a few weeks now. I caught a tramp writing a message on it this morning.
It said, "I wish my wife was this clean
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#757 24 Dec 2012 at 11.44am | | |
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As we laid in bed I dipped my finger into the wife's fanny.
She got a bit upset and said can't you just lick your finger to turn the page.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#756 24 Dec 2012 at 11.44am | | |
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I'm selling my pet python on ebay.
Some bloke just rang up and asked is it big?
I said ****ing massive.
He said how many feet?
I said none, it's a fcuking snake
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#755 24 Dec 2012 at 11.42am | | |
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"How much for the huge washing machine?" I asked the lady in the shop today.
"£1.50" she replied.
"You've got yourself a fcuking deal," I said, dragging it out of the launderette.
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#754 24 Dec 2012 at 10.35am | | |
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My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. "Well?" she said, "I've lost a stone, can you see a difference?"
I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. "The beach has lost a stone." I said, "can you see a difference?"
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#753 23 Dec 2012 at 8.09pm | | |
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In reply to Post #752
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#752 23 Dec 2012 at 7.29pm | | |
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I used to date a dental nurse called Jean. She was good at two things, doing drugs and giving blowjobs.
She was known as oral, high Jean.
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#751 23 Dec 2012 at 11.40am | | |
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In reply to Post #749
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#750 23 Dec 2012 at 11.11am | | |
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In reply to Post #749
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#749 23 Dec 2012 at 11.09am | | |
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A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said there had been invented a new machine that would transfer-by kinetic energy a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor initially set the pain-transfer level to 10 percent, saying that was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they returned home they found the milkman dead on the porch.
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