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   Old Thread  #777 25 Dec 2012 at 5.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #776 25 Dec 2012 at 5.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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beltin!!!!!
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   Old Thread  #775 25 Dec 2012 at 2.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.
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   Old Thread  #774 25 Dec 2012 at 8.04am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #773 25 Dec 2012 at 8.02am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #772 24 Dec 2012 at 9.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #771 24 Dec 2012 at 8.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #770 24 Dec 2012 at 8.36pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What is white, the size of a smartie and can induce a cardiac arrest in a 74 year old man within one second?

Paul Daniels door bell
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   Old Thread  #769 24 Dec 2012 at 7.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Breaking news; FA to introduce sponge footballs and safety helmets after van Persie near death experience.
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   Old Thread  #768 24 Dec 2012 at 5.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #767 24 Dec 2012 at 4.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I can't wait to unwrap and open 'Footballers' Cluedo' tomorrow.

I bet it was 'Ashley Williams' in 'The Liberty Stadium' with 'The Ball'.
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   Old Thread  #766 24 Dec 2012 at 4.15pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #765 24 Dec 2012 at 3.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #764 24 Dec 2012 at 2.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paul Daniels has revealed that, 40 years ago he picked up a hitchhiker and kissed her intimately only to discover she was a schoolgirl. He has therefore escaped 4 decades of prison and a media hate campaign.

Now *that's* magic!!
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   Old Thread  #763 24 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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