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   Old Thread  #811 1 Jan 2013 at 8.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #808
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   Old Thread  #810 1 Jan 2013 at 7.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
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   Old Thread  #809 1 Jan 2013 at 6.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow.

Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.

Cop: Excuse me mam, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?

Driver: Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.

Cop: Mam, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.

Driver: Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.

The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.

Cop: Is everyone alright?

Driver: Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on highway 151
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   Old Thread  #808 1 Jan 2013 at 8.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Last. Nite I had a w**k just before 12 so it felt like the whole country was behinds counting down a cheering me on!
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   Old Thread  #807 31 Dec 2012 at 9.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #806 31 Dec 2012 at 8.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got 3 young kids and work all year to make sure they get what they want christmas morning, only for that fat **** with the beard to get all the credit.....my fault really for marrying her
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   Old Thread  #805 31 Dec 2012 at 3.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #804 31 Dec 2012 at 2.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Happy new year to you all. I am contacting you now as I suffer from premature congratulations.
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   Old Thread  #803 31 Dec 2012 at 2.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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true so true
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   Old Thread  #802 31 Dec 2012 at 12.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Sicko......
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   Old Thread  #801 31 Dec 2012 at 12.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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necrophilliach,
i used to be one of those till some rotten **** split on me
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   Old Thread  #800 31 Dec 2012 at 11.25am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's a necrophiliac's favourite position?

Decomposition.
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   Old Thread  #799 31 Dec 2012 at 11.16am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #798 31 Dec 2012 at 7.04am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b@stard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b@stard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that b@stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.
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   Old Thread  #797 30 Dec 2012 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #795
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