CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #886 15 Jan 2013 at 8.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #884




#885
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #885 15 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Got the lads from the AA to tow me home in the snow last night..

it was a right laugh 6 pissed up guy's pulling me on a sledge
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #884 15 Jan 2013 at 8.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I said to a Polish friend at work, "Can you lend me any cash till payday?"

He said, "What we talking?"

Typical, I thought, first mention of money and he no longer speaks English.
Mr-Bean-Laden is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Mr-Bean-Laden (Andrew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2051
   Old Thread  #883 15 Jan 2013 at 6.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I had to get my wife a birthday present so dashed down to the High St. today. Jessops shut. HMV shut. Comet shut. Ann Summers open.

**** it, I'll stick a tenner in her card.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #882 15 Jan 2013 at 10.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #881
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #881 14 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Put your arms up, it makes it better."

Great when you're at a theme park, quite off putting when you're fingering Katie Price.
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #880 14 Jan 2013 at 8.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #879
Boom!!!!

I can't wait to tell her that one later
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #879 14 Jan 2013 at 5.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"It won't be long before we're having sex again!" I told the wife. "I've bought some tablets that'll finally give me an erection."

"Oh babe, when can we start?" she winked.

"As soon as they start working!" I smiled, "So here, take two now, they're slimming pills."
jimmyAd is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of jimmyAd (Jim)
Contact details supplied to MODs
jimmyAd
Posts: 8818
   Old Thread  #878 14 Jan 2013 at 11.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Ive finally found something the wifes arse dont look big in............the ****ing distance
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #877 13 Jan 2013 at 6.16pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I've just been into the loft and found a 1979 copy of the TV Times.......or as its now known-the sex offenders register!!
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #876 13 Jan 2013 at 6.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #874
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #875 13 Jan 2013 at 1.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
some funny stuff lads
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #874 13 Jan 2013 at 12.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Mike and Bob are swimming when they see a pregnant woman drowning.

They quickly pull her to safety.

Mike starts giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Bob takes off the woman's panties and puts his mouth on her pussy.

Mike says, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Bob replies, "You save the mother, I'll save the child!"
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22684
   Old Thread  #873 13 Jan 2013 at 11.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #869
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #872 13 Jan 2013 at 9.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A Leeds fan, an Chelsea fan and a Manchester united fan escape from prison. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. 

About an hour later two police officers came into the barn. The sergeant told the constable to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sergeant asked him what he saw and the constable yelled back, "Just 3 sacks."

The sergeant told him to find out what was in them, so the constable kicked the first sack, which had the Leeds fan in it. He went, "Woof", so the constable told the sergeant there was a dog in it. 

Then he kicked the sack with the Chelsea fan in it. He went, "Meow", so he told him there was a cat in it. 

Then he kicked the one with the manc fan in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked 6 more times, and finally the manc fan said, "Potatoes".
Page: 121 of 179  
  
   Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk