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 #892 16 Jan 2013 at 12.32pm | |   |
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Took a bird home after night clubbing last night and after a few drinks at mine we went upstairs.
While we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed that said 'i hope thats not that fat bitch from last week'.
The bird said what the f**k was that?!
I said its that b@stard memory foam mattress...
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#891 16 Jan 2013 at 12.16pm | | |
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My Protestant girlfriend just bought a pair of Union Jack knickers.....every time I take them down there's a f--king protest!
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#890 16 Jan 2013 at 12.08pm | | |
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Tesco aren't the only supermarkets selling meat from horses.
I've been buying My Lidl Pony for years now.
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#889 16 Jan 2013 at 12.04pm | | |
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Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb's and some burgers.
So that's white rum, navy rum and Red Rum.
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#888 16 Jan 2013 at 11.45am | | |
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Sat here reading the label on these Tesco burgers and it turns out they're fairly low in fat,but surprisingly high in Shergar,What are the odds in that?
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#887 16 Jan 2013 at 11.41am | | |
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Horse meat found in Tesco burgers,just checked the date on mine and..........Their off.
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#886 15 Jan 2013 at 8.32pm | | |
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In reply to Post #884
 
#885
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#885 15 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm | | |
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Got the lads from the AA to tow me home in the snow last night..
it was a right laugh 6 pissed up guy's pulling me on a sledge
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#884 15 Jan 2013 at 8.03pm | | |
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I said to a Polish friend at work, "Can you lend me any cash till payday?"
He said, "What we talking?"
Typical, I thought, first mention of money and he no longer speaks English.
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#883 15 Jan 2013 at 6.07pm | | |
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I had to get my wife a birthday present so dashed down to the High St. today. Jessops shut. HMV shut. Comet shut. Ann Summers open.
**** it, I'll stick a tenner in her card.
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#882 15 Jan 2013 at 10.55am | | |
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In reply to Post #881
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#881 14 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm | | |
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"Put your arms up, it makes it better."
Great when you're at a theme park, quite off putting when you're fingering Katie Price.
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#880 14 Jan 2013 at 8.05pm | | |
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In reply to Post #879
Boom!!!!
I can't wait to tell her that one later 
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#879 14 Jan 2013 at 5.42pm | | |
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"It won't be long before we're having sex again!" I told the wife. "I've bought some tablets that'll finally give me an erection."
"Oh babe, when can we start?" she winked.
"As soon as they start working!" I smiled, "So here, take two now, they're slimming pills."
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#878 14 Jan 2013 at 11.57am | | |
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Ive finally found something the wifes arse dont look big in............the ****ing distance
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