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 #886 15 Jan 2013 at 8.32pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #884
 
#885
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#885 15 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm | | |
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Got the lads from the AA to tow me home in the snow last night..
it was a right laugh 6 pissed up guy's pulling me on a sledge
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#884 15 Jan 2013 at 8.03pm | | |
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I said to a Polish friend at work, "Can you lend me any cash till payday?"
He said, "What we talking?"
Typical, I thought, first mention of money and he no longer speaks English.
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#883 15 Jan 2013 at 6.07pm | | |
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I had to get my wife a birthday present so dashed down to the High St. today. Jessops shut. HMV shut. Comet shut. Ann Summers open.
**** it, I'll stick a tenner in her card.
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#882 15 Jan 2013 at 10.55am | | |
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In reply to Post #881
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#881 14 Jan 2013 at 8.18pm | | |
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"Put your arms up, it makes it better."
Great when you're at a theme park, quite off putting when you're fingering Katie Price.
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#880 14 Jan 2013 at 8.05pm | | |
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In reply to Post #879
Boom!!!!
I can't wait to tell her that one later 
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#879 14 Jan 2013 at 5.42pm | | |
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"It won't be long before we're having sex again!" I told the wife. "I've bought some tablets that'll finally give me an erection."
"Oh babe, when can we start?" she winked.
"As soon as they start working!" I smiled, "So here, take two now, they're slimming pills."
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#878 14 Jan 2013 at 11.57am | | |
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Ive finally found something the wifes arse dont look big in............the ****ing distance
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#877 13 Jan 2013 at 6.16pm | | |
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I've just been into the loft and found a 1979 copy of the TV Times.......or as its now known-the sex offenders register!!
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#876 13 Jan 2013 at 6.13pm | | |
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In reply to Post #874
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#875 13 Jan 2013 at 1.19pm | | |
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some funny stuff lads
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#874 13 Jan 2013 at 12.02pm | | |
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Mike and Bob are swimming when they see a pregnant woman drowning.
They quickly pull her to safety.
Mike starts giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Bob takes off the woman's panties and puts his mouth on her pussy.
Mike says, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
Bob replies, "You save the mother, I'll save the child!"
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#873 13 Jan 2013 at 11.57am | | |
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In reply to Post #869
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#872 13 Jan 2013 at 9.48am | | |
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A Leeds fan, an Chelsea fan and a Manchester united fan escape from prison. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later two police officers came into the barn. The sergeant told the constable to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sergeant asked him what he saw and the constable yelled back, "Just 3 sacks."
The sergeant told him to find out what was in them, so the constable kicked the first sack, which had the Leeds fan in it. He went, "Woof", so the constable told the sergeant there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the Chelsea fan in it. He went, "Meow", so he told him there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the manc fan in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked 6 more times, and finally the manc fan said, "Potatoes".
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