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   Old Thread  #932 21 Jan 2013 at 11.51am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in Asda earlier, this thick fcuking chav bitch was on the check-out, face like a slapped arse and all the charisma of a half eaten waffle. I came to pay, I had only bought milk and bread but had no change.

"1.03 please"

"Sorry this is all I've got," as I handed her a 20 note.

"Haven't you got anything smaller, 'cos it will take all my change, and I don't wanna count out 18.97?" she replied and pulled a stroppy face.

"I've got nothing, if that helps," I replied...she didn't get it so I thought fcuk it, I'll pay by card.

"Shall I pay by card?" I asked.

"Don't do me no favours," she snapped.

I kept my cool and just put my PIN in.

"Cash back?" she asked sarcastically.

I couldn't resist it... "Oh yes, 18.97 please."

Don't fcuk with a tired Irishman...

That is all.
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   Old Thread  #931 21 Jan 2013 at 10.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
New Scotland manager Gordon Strachan says he is already preparing for the 2014 world cup,
he has bought himself a new telly.
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   Old Thread  #930 21 Jan 2013 at 9.57am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Since it started snowing the wife keeps on looking through the window.....If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in!
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   Old Thread  #929 21 Jan 2013 at 9.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #928
After Tesco's horesmeat scandal they have now found traces of zebra in there barcodes.
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   Old Thread  #928 20 Jan 2013 at 8.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I don't know why there's all that fuss about Tesco's "horse meat" beef burgers.

Carling's been made out of donkey's piss for years!
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   Old Thread  #927 20 Jan 2013 at 8.18am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #925
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   Old Thread  #926 20 Jan 2013 at 8.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #925
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   Old Thread  #925 19 Jan 2013 at 6.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
One morning, His Majesty the lion calls all the animals in the jungle to a meeting.

"Right," says the lion, "I want every one of you to go out hunting and bring me back as much meat as you can. Anyone who fails to bring me meat I will batter to death with my dick!"

Later that day, a rabbit turns up with a basket of carrots.

"You have to understand, Your Majesty, I'm a rabbit, I can't hunt, but I've brought you a basket of carrots."

The lion towers over the rabbit and starts battering it with his dick.

The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs, cries, laughs ...

"Why are you crying?" says the lion.

"It hurts," says the rabbit.

"And why the fcuk are you laughing?" says the lion.

"I've just seen the hedgehog," says the rabbit, "and he's gathering mushrooms.
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   Old Thread  #924 19 Jan 2013 at 10.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife said to me, "I bet you can't go one whole day without cracking a joke about my periods."

"You're on," I said.
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   Old Thread  #923 19 Jan 2013 at 7.24am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

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   Old Thread  #922 18 Jan 2013 at 10.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #921
gettin decent again this thread been some funny stuff
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   Old Thread  #921 18 Jan 2013 at 10.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #920
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   Old Thread  #920 18 Jan 2013 at 9.33pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A young boy wakes up on his birthday and heads downstairs. His family is poor, so his dad can only give him a duck and send him to town to trade for a gift.

Along the way, he runs into a prostitute who is heading home after a quiet night. The prostitute says "Hey kid, how'd you like to have some fun?"

The kid only has the duck to trade, but the prostitute agrees. Afterward, the prostitute is so impressed by the kid that she wants to have sex again. He doesn't really want to, so she offers him the duck to do it again and he agrees.

As the kid is walking back home with his duck, a truck comes flying around the corner and just misses him, but completely squashes the duck.

The truck driver jumps out of the cab and says, "Oh no, kid, I'm so sorry! Let me pay for the duck. Here's $24. It's all I have."

The kid shrugs and takes the money and heads home where his Dad greets him at the door. "So, did you have a fun birthday?"

"Sure did, Dad. I got a f_ck for a duck, a duck for a f_ck, and 24 bucks for a f_cked-up duck
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   Old Thread  #919 18 Jan 2013 at 7.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #904


Chocked on my tea with that one
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   Old Thread  #918 18 Jan 2013 at 7.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Apparently,some of the horses were molested before being put into the burgers at Tesco.
police are asking people who knew Jimmy Saddle to come forward.........
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