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My doctor has told me I have to stop eating Findus frozen meals.
I have to reduce my Shergar intake.
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In reply to Post #1057
 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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After my wife fainted, the nurse asked, "Is she afraid of needles?"
"No, it was because you told her she wouldn't be able to eat for 24 hours after it
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The government has passed a new bill in parliament.Now Gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money.Its called the "Knobseekers Allowance". .
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My doctor told me I was extremely sick today.
I only asked him to add another finger during the prostate examination
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What will happen in the first lesbian divorce case?
How will both of them get three quarters of everything?
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In reply to Post #1047
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My wife said that she wants to take more risks in the bedroom.
So I've stuck tiny splinters of glass to all but one of her vibrators..
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"What do you want from me for your birthday?" asked my nan, "It has to be cheap."
I said, "A blow job would be great."
"No chance," she replied.
I said, "A blow job is free, nan."
"A what job?" she asked
"A blow job!" I shouted in her ear.
"Oh, I thought you said a nose job," she laughed. "Pull your pants down then."
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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After 15 years of marrige im pleased to announce that iv finally found the wifes cl1toris
Its on her sister
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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In reply to Post #1047
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I thought it would be funny to phone my wife and fart down the phone.
Later, I asked her, "Any interesting phone calls lately?"
She replied, "Just a voicemail from some ********!"
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So, all dogs are going to have to have microchips from 2016.
Fu*k that, mine's getting Pedigree Chum as usual.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.
“Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news,” she says. “The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure.”
The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. “So what’s the good news?” he asks.
The doctor says, “There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant’s trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?”
The guy thinks about it and finally says, “Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let’s do it.”
So the doctor performs the operation.
A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.
Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.
Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.
“Wow!” says his stunned girlfriend, “That was impressive! Can you do that again?”
Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, “Probably…But I don’t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
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NON Carp stuff