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   Old Thread  #978 25 Jan 2013 at 11.16am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I walked over, the little boy must of known what I wanted but he cowardly bent over trying to stop me getting what I wanted from him. As I came cautiously up behind he dropped to the floor cupping what I wanted to see the most, I put my arms around his stomach to tease his arms away, it didn't work so I tried to force his arms away so I could get a good glance at what I was here for, but still the child resisted... By now my patients was wearing thin so I angrily kicked him and took the ball from him, stupid ball boy.
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   Old Thread  #977 25 Jan 2013 at 11.01am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #976 25 Jan 2013 at 10.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife has the most breathtaking vagina.

One time, she opened her legs and killed the budgie.
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   Old Thread  #975 25 Jan 2013 at 10.13am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
police are searching for 2 peados who are posing as work men, clearing snow from primary school, advised to be on the look out for JIMMY SHOVEL and GARY GRITTER
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   Old Thread  #974 25 Jan 2013 at 10.03am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my sisters though.
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   Old Thread  #973 25 Jan 2013 at 10.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park
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   Old Thread  #972 25 Jan 2013 at 9.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #971 24 Jan 2013 at 7.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Attendance call on the first day back at school in Birmingham. The teacher begun calling out the names of the pupils;
"Mustafa al Eih Zeri?" "here."
"Achmed el kbul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek?" "Here"
"Ali Addul Olmi?" "Here"
"Mohammed Bin kadir?" "here"
"Ali son al Len" Silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al Len" continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

She repeated,"is there any child here called Ali Son al Len?"
A girl rose and said,Sorry teacher.I think that's me.It's pronounced Alison Allen.
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   Old Thread  #970 24 Jan 2013 at 7.22pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #969 24 Jan 2013 at 7.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Hazard kicked the ball boy for keeping the ball.Torres would've missed him, Cole would have shot him and Terry would've shagged his mother!!!Chelsea through and through.
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   Old Thread  #968 24 Jan 2013 at 12.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife told me to get the broken camp bed mended as her mother was coming to stay this weekend.

"I don't need to bother" I said.

"Oh, and whys that?" my wife asked.

"Cows can sleep standing up" I replied.
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   Old Thread  #967 24 Jan 2013 at 6.41am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Roman Abramovich has just bought that Swansea ball boy for 14 million after keeping possession longer than any Chelsea player.
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   Old Thread  #966 23 Jan 2013 at 9.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #965 23 Jan 2013 at 9.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
What's the difference between Eden Hazard and Jimmy Savile?

One beats ball boys, the other one beats boys' balls.
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   Old Thread  #964 23 Jan 2013 at 8.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife stood modelling the new underwear she'd ordered.
"What do you think"she asked.
I said "Its different to how it is in the catalogue."
"How is it different?"she said.
I replied,"I don't have a hard on....!"
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