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Joke Thread
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catfish1

Posts: 1629

#987 25 Jan 2013 at 5.29pm

Joey Barton must be a right annoying c..t....he's only been in France 5 minutes and they are all leaving to come to Newcastle.

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#986 25 Jan 2013 at 4.15pm

In reply to Post #985

sik

Posts: 2391

#985 25 Jan 2013 at 3.41pm

What�s the useless skin around a vagina called?

The woman

sik

Posts: 2391

#984 25 Jan 2013 at 3.31pm

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him.So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!

SlugHunter

Posts: 22684

#983 25 Jan 2013 at 3.31pm

In reply to Post #982

sik

Posts: 2391

#982 25 Jan 2013 at 3.30pm

Jen's friend Amy is complaining about having a sore throat.
"When I have a sore throat, I always give my husband a blow job and, as long as I swallow, it feels better the next day. You should try it," says Jen.
The next day, they meet up and Amy is all smiles.
"How did it go, then?" asks Jen. "Wonderfully!" beams Amy. "Your husband couldn�t believe it was your idea

SlugHunter

Posts: 22684

#981 25 Jan 2013 at 3.06pm

A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.

Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

"Those are for married men.

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#980 25 Jan 2013 at 12.26pm

In reply to Post #978

sik

Posts: 2391

#979 25 Jan 2013 at 12.23pm

In reply to Post #978

SlugHunter

Posts: 22684

#978 25 Jan 2013 at 11.16am

I walked over, the little boy must of known what I wanted but he cowardly bent over trying to stop me getting what I wanted from him. As I came cautiously up behind he dropped to the floor cupping what I wanted to see the most, I put my arms around his stomach to tease his arms away, it didn't work so I tried to force his arms away so I could get a good glance at what I was here for, but still the child resisted... By now my patients was wearing thin so I angrily kicked him and took the ball from him, stupid ball boy.

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#977 25 Jan 2013 at 11.01am

In reply to Post #973

SlugHunter

Posts: 22684

#976 25 Jan 2013 at 10.48am

My wife has the most breathtaking vagina.

One time, she opened her legs and killed the budgie.

sik

Posts: 2391

#975 25 Jan 2013 at 10.13am

police are searching for 2 peados who are posing as work men, clearing snow from primary school, advised to be on the look out for JIMMY SHOVEL and GARY GRITTER

sik

Posts: 2391

#974 25 Jan 2013 at 10.03am

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my sisters though.

sik

Posts: 2391

#973 25 Jan 2013 at 10.00am

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park


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