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 #1012 1 Feb 2013 at 8.34pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #1011
You put yer transfer in....
You transfer out....
In out in out you f*ck yer club about...
You do the Odumwhingie, you turn yer car around..
Thats what its all about....
Ooooh Odumwhingie ooooh Odumwhingie. 
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#1011 1 Feb 2013 at 7.51pm | | |
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An elderly man......was stopped by the police at around 2 a.m. in the morning.
He was asked by a policeman where he was going at that time of night/early morning.
The old boy replied:" i'm on my to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,..as well as smoking and staying out very late!."
The police officer then asked:
Really?! where and who is giving that kind of lecture at this unearthly hour?
The man replied:..........That would be my wife!.
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#1010 1 Feb 2013 at 7.07pm | | |
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When my brother got sent to jail,he didn't take it well at all.Refused all offers of food and drink,spat and swore at anyone who came near him,smeared his own $hit up the walls.
after that we never played Monopoly again.
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#1009 1 Feb 2013 at 6.53pm | | |
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I'm not saying my wife's a fat bitch,but I've had to put all the chocolate biscuits well out of reach.
On the floor.
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#1008 1 Feb 2013 at 6.50pm | | |
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A resent survey found that one in three women are just as f--king stupid as the other two.
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#1007 1 Feb 2013 at 6.48pm | | |
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some bloke just hit me over the head with a power tool.
I was minding my own business then "Bosch".
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#1006 1 Feb 2013 at 6.37am | | |
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In reply to Post #1005
That's a classic 
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#1005 31 Jan 2013 at 5.41pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1
I rang babe station last night
The girl answered and said "hi how can I help you?"
I said, "fcking hide. I've lost the tv remote and my bird is coming down the stairs"
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#1004 30 Jan 2013 at 9.13pm | | |
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I was getting dressed when the prostitute said to me, "You're the first man to give me an orgasm."
"That's OK love," I said to her. "No need to give me that ****."
"No Sir, don't you remember me? Mandy Fletcher, year 8 Maths?
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1003 30 Jan 2013 at 7.40pm | | |
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They had to get a translator in at the benefits office today.
Somebody came in speaking English
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#1002 30 Jan 2013 at 3.23am | | |
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In reply to Post #1001
Never Argue with a Woman
One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a bailiff in his boat,
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good Afternoon, Ma'am..
What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, mr bailiff, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,'
says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the bailiff,
'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
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#1001 29 Jan 2013 at 12.41pm | | |
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In reply to Post #999
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#1000 29 Jan 2013 at 12.28pm | | |
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In reply to Post #999
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#999 29 Jan 2013 at 10.54am | | |
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A very fat man saw an ad:
"lose 5kg in a week" in a newspaper.
He calls the company & lady says be ready tomorrow at 6am.
The next morning he opens the door & finds a hot babe with just shoes, undergarments & shirt saying:
"u catch me u fcuk me!" & the girl starts running.
He starts running but doesn't catch her. During the whole week he tried to catch her but couldn't.
However he loses 5 kg.
He then asks for the 10kg program.
Next morning at 6 he opens the door and sees an even hotter babe in shoes, thong & a shirt saying:
"u catch me u fcuk me".
He loses 10 kg that week.
So he thought this program is awesome!
Lets try the 25 kg!
So he asked for the 25 kg but the lady said "Are you sure?
its really tough!".
he said "YES!"
Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a big black gay man in just underwear saying..
"If I catch you, I will fcuk you.."
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#998 29 Jan 2013 at 9.10am | | |
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In reply to Post #997
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