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   Old Thread  #1052 7 Feb 2013 at 7.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said that she wants to take more risks in the bedroom.

So I've stuck tiny splinters of glass to all but one of her vibrators..
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   Old Thread  #1051 7 Feb 2013 at 7.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"What do you want from me for your birthday?" asked my nan, "It has to be cheap."

I said, "A blow job would be great."

"No chance," she replied.

I said, "A blow job is free, nan."

"A what job?" she asked

"A blow job!" I shouted in her ear.

"Oh, I thought you said a nose job," she laughed. "Pull your pants down then."
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   Old Thread  #1050 7 Feb 2013 at 2.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After 15 years of marrige im pleased to announce that iv finally found the wifes cl1toris

Its on her sister
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   Old Thread  #1049 7 Feb 2013 at 2.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1048 6 Feb 2013 at 7.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I thought it would be funny to phone my wife and fart down the phone.

Later, I asked her, "Any interesting phone calls lately?"

She replied, "Just a voicemail from some ********!"
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   Old Thread  #1047 6 Feb 2013 at 7.00pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
So, all dogs are going to have to have microchips from 2016.

Fu*k that, mine's getting Pedigree Chum as usual.
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   Old Thread  #1046 6 Feb 2013 at 6.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1045 6 Feb 2013 at 5.37pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

“Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news,” she says. “The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure.”

The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. “So what’s the good news?” he asks.

The doctor says, “There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant’s trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?”

The guy thinks about it and finally says, “Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let’s do it.”

So the doctor performs the operation.


A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.

Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.

Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.

“Wow!” says his stunned girlfriend, “That was impressive! Can you do that again?”

Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, “Probably…But I don’t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
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   Old Thread  #1044 6 Feb 2013 at 4.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pu$$y.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common
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   Old Thread  #1043 6 Feb 2013 at 4.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pu$$y?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then
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   Old Thread  #1042 6 Feb 2013 at 2.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1041 6 Feb 2013 at 12.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1040 6 Feb 2013 at 11.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was the driving examiner for a nice young lady, and I said, "This test will last about 40 minutes."

"That's quite long," she moaned. "Can it be done any faster?"

"Sure love," I winked. "How about a blowjob and I'll give you a pass."

"Just fcuk off Dad, you said you'd be helpful."
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   Old Thread  #1039 6 Feb 2013 at 11.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
British Humour

Tony Blair and David Cameron somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word

Was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn

To politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Blair in his chair

Reached for the aftershave. Blair was quick to stop him jokingly saying, "No thanks, my wife, Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Cameron and said, "How about you" Mr. Cameron?"

Cameron replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".
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   Old Thread  #1038 6 Feb 2013 at 9.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Valentines Day:

Dinner: £70

Drinks: £50

Taxi: £20

Hotel: £300

The look on your face when she tells you she's on her period.. PRICELESS

The look on her face when you shove it up her ass.. EPIC
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