CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2533 24 Jan 2017 at 6.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2531
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2532 24 Jan 2017 at 6.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Boy says to mum , I've got the biggest nob at nursery , is it because I'm a scouser , no she replies
It's because you're 28 and a ****ing retard now be a good lad and don't get you're spaghetti hoops
Down you're Liverpool shirt
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2531 23 Jan 2017 at 7.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If someone tries to assassinate president Trump will his bodyguards shout Donald , Duck
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2530 20 Jan 2017 at 1.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Kids know far to much these days , today in the doctors waiting room a little girl was playing with
Ken and Barbie dolls imitating the doggy position . I bent down and whispered , you'll end up
With baby dolls if you keep doing that , she replied I don't think so dickhead , he's doing her up
The ar$e
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2529 18 Jan 2017 at 6.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Got chatting to this bird in a club the other night and she whispered in my ear "fancy coming back to mine , I've got a fanny like a polo " , to right I said .
Got her home and dropped her draws then I gasped , she said you look shocked , I said i thought you meant
The mint , not the ****ing hatchback
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2528 7 Jan 2017 at 12.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy goes in to a pub, he grabs a guy at the bar, sticks a gun up his trumpet and says "who's been shagging my wife"? The barman laughed and said "you don't have enough bullets".
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2527 30 Dec 2016 at 8.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife had her teeth whitened last night, but to be honest I think most of it went on her chin.
Smj1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Smj1 (Steve)
Smj1
Posts: 264
   Old Thread  #2526 30 Dec 2016 at 1.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2522
👍🏼😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1117
   Old Thread  #2525 26 Dec 2016 at 8.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As it is the time of the year.

A little boy asks his mother: "Mom, can I have a puppy for Christmas?"

His mother replies: "You'll have turkey same as everybody else."😂😂😂😂😂😂

Tel
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1117
   Old Thread  #2524 26 Dec 2016 at 8.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
A couple are out shopping before Christmas and get separated in the crowds.
After a while the wife phones the husband to ask where he is.

The husband replies: "Do you remember 5 years ago when were looking in the window of that little jewellers? The one where you saw that beautiful diamond bracelet; and I said that one day in the future, when I could afford it, I would buy it for you."

The wife, choking back the tears replies:

"Oh yes darling, I remember"

"Well" said the husband "I'm in the pub next door 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Tel
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1117
   Old Thread  #2523 26 Dec 2016 at 8.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
Seasonal advice - don't drink and drive.

Last night for example, I was out with the lads and had a few pints followed by several whiskies. So I decided it was better to take a bus home. On the way I passed a patrol car stopping all the cars and doing breath tests. Boy was I glad, and I got home safely.

Which was lucky really, because I'd never driven a bus before, and can't remember where I got it from...


Tel
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2522 23 Dec 2016 at 3.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife got out of the shower and said "as a special Christmas treat I've shaved my pussy, you know what that means" I said "yeah the ****ing drain is blocked again".
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3399
   Old Thread  #2521 17 Dec 2016 at 1.20pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Just got a new high tech bed for Christmas, the "Micro wave" type........you get a full nights sleep in 20 minutes
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2520 15 Dec 2016 at 8.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Years ago I once walked in on my nan giving my grandad a nosh , I was in total shock coz I thought she
Buried it with the rest of him
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10194
   Old Thread  #2519 12 Dec 2016 at 10.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Just watched a scouse family on family fortunes , you should have seen there faces when Vernon Kay said you have a chance to steal
Page: 11.6666666666667 of 180  
  
   Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk