CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1097 12 Feb 2013 at 6.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
B&Q have know been dragged into the food scandal, apparently they have been selling wood floors with lamb in it.
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 13092
   Old Thread  #1096 12 Feb 2013 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1088
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 13092
   Old Thread  #1095 12 Feb 2013 at 6.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1085
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 13092
   Old Thread  #1094 12 Feb 2013 at 6.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1084
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 13092
   Old Thread  #1093 12 Feb 2013 at 6.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1082
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22699
   Old Thread  #1092 12 Feb 2013 at 5.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
She didn't try to hide her disappointment when she pulled my cock out.

"You fcuking liar!" She said, "You told me it was 12 inches."

"It is," I insisted, "You just need to calculate the volume."
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1091 12 Feb 2013 at 5.47pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1090
Findus to sponsor Crystal Palace as they have been 100% pony for over 50 years...........
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1090 12 Feb 2013 at 5.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1088
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1089 12 Feb 2013 at 5.14pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A source has just told me,that Odemwingie has just arrived at the Vatican...
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1088 12 Feb 2013 at 5.12pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1087
I was working in Tesco's re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7,when in walks the blonde girl l'd scored with last night.she said "Oi! you told me you were a stunt pilot......you lying bast--d" I replied "No,I told you l was part of the Ariel display team.....!
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1087 12 Feb 2013 at 5.05pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1084
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22699
   Old Thread  #1086 12 Feb 2013 at 3.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1084
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1085 12 Feb 2013 at 1.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off
his
clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by
him
and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection,
comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob
replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me

explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you

called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays
down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way
with
her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and
farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a

firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:
"Sir,
did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man:

"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you
called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him
over
the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked

receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key
back.
You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only
been
here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our
facilities....."Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a
hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1084 12 Feb 2013 at 1.50pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, “Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny’s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying!”

His father says, “Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying?”

“Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, ‘Oh God, I’m fcuking coming!
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1083 12 Feb 2013 at 1.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no.

With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works.
Page: 107.666666666667 of 180  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2021  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk