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 #1125 17 Feb 2013 at 5.25pm | |   |
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In reply to Post #1118
 
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#1124 17 Feb 2013 at 5.19pm | | |
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My wife said to me "What's the big deal about eating horse meat? I used to eat horse meat all the time in my last job."
I asked her "Really? What job was that then?"
"Porn star" She replied.
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#1123 17 Feb 2013 at 4.22pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1122
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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#1122 17 Feb 2013 at 4.09pm | | |
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A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"
"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh1t instead.
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#1121 17 Feb 2013 at 3.55pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1119
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#1120 17 Feb 2013 at 3.53pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1118
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1119 17 Feb 2013 at 3.48pm | | |
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Santa while traveling in a plane was continuously looking at a woman's legs and saw that she wasn't wearing her panties and beneath her tall waxed legs was a clean shaved pu$$y that was just unbelievable.
Woman: I know what you are looking at.
Santa apologetically, "I am sorry, Ma'm. This would not happen again".
Woman: That's perfectly OK. I know I'm not wearing my panties but one thing you don't know is that my pu$$y can do funny things...
Santa: Like what?
Woman: It can wink.
Santa: Show me how?
The woman lifted her skirt and made her clean shaved pu$$y wink at the Santa.
Santa: Wow! It's amazing.
Woman: It can blow a kiss as well and she made her nice white lips blow a kiss at Santa.
Santa got completely floored by this and was in awe of what he just saw.
Woman who was completely hot and wet and wanted some action said to Santa, "You can come next to my seat and put your fingers in my pu$$y".
Santa: Fcuk, don't tell me it can whistle, too!
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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#1118 17 Feb 2013 at 3.45pm | | |
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An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying in bed for a few minutes, the old man cut a fart and says, "seven points."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later, the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
After about ten minutes, the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7.
Now starting to get into this, the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
The old man strains really hard, but to no avail -- he can't fart.
So not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart.
Straining, the old man tries so hard, he sh1ts the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides
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#1117 16 Feb 2013 at 7.51pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1115
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#1116 16 Feb 2013 at 1.22pm | | |
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I had the best valentines day ever. I had sex with the most gorgeous fit blonde I have ever seen.
Being the mortuary assistant in Pretoria has its perks.
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#1115 15 Feb 2013 at 8.17am | | |
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What's blue and full of haribo?
Kevin Webster's overalls.
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#1114 14 Feb 2013 at 9.38pm | | |
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Roses are Red,
Rohypnol is clear,
That's why your mine,
For one night this year.
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#1113 14 Feb 2013 at 9.21pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1112
What did Oscar Pistorius get for Valentine's day?...
20 years.
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#1112 14 Feb 2013 at 7.46pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1111
I bought a valentines card for everyone at our local tourettes society.
It's the thought that c--ts
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#1111 14 Feb 2013 at 7.31pm | | |
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New evidence has been found outside the Pistorious
home that completely acquits him of his girlfriends murder.
Footprints
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