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Joke Thread
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SlugHunter

Posts: 22686

#1132 18 Feb 2013 at 3.49pm

As I walked away from the urinal, and headed for the door, the bloke who was stood next to me shouted over his shoulder "When I was young, I was taught to wash my hands after having a piss"

"Well, when I was young, I was taught not to piss all over my hands" I replied.

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#1131 18 Feb 2013 at 2.46pm

In reply to Post #1130
My Thai girlfriend keeps saying a small penis is not embarrassing and it shouldn't break us up.I don't know, I'd still rather she didn't have one.

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#1130 18 Feb 2013 at 11.42am

In reply to Post #1129
My car recently broke down,so i took it to Kevin Webster's garage.But he said he doesn't touch anything over 10 yrs old!

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#1129 18 Feb 2013 at 11.39am

In reply to Post #1126

carpy09

Posts: 12869

#1128 18 Feb 2013 at 10.47am

In reply to Post #1126

WaftyCranker

Posts: 3446

#1127 18 Feb 2013 at 8.58am

In reply to Post #1126

sik

Posts: 2391

#1126 18 Feb 2013 at 7.50am

Little Johnnys mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Johnny came running in saying, "Mommy! Grandma has shrimp!"
Johnnys mom asked him, "What are you talking about, Johnny?"
"Grandma has shrimp! Come see!"
So they go into the livingroom and there's grandma in a skirt asleep on the couch, legs spread with no panties on.
Johnny says, "See? Grandma has shrimp!"
Johnnys mom says, "Oh Johnny, that's not shrimp, that's a clitoris"
"I don't know about no clitoris," Johnny says, "But it sure tastes like shrimp to me

catfish1

Posts: 1629

#1125 17 Feb 2013 at 5.25pm

In reply to Post #1118

SlugHunter

Posts: 22686

#1124 17 Feb 2013 at 5.19pm

My wife said to me "What's the big deal about eating horse meat? I used to eat horse meat all the time in my last job."

I asked her "Really? What job was that then?"

"Porn star" She replied.

carpy09

Posts: 12869

#1123 17 Feb 2013 at 4.22pm

In reply to Post #1122

sik

Posts: 2391

#1122 17 Feb 2013 at 4.09pm

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh1t instead.

carpy09

Posts: 12869

#1121 17 Feb 2013 at 3.55pm

In reply to Post #1119

carpy09

Posts: 12869

#1120 17 Feb 2013 at 3.53pm

In reply to Post #1118

sik

Posts: 2391

#1119 17 Feb 2013 at 3.48pm

Santa while traveling in a plane was continuously looking at a woman's legs and saw that she wasn't wearing her panties and beneath her tall waxed legs was a clean shaved pu$$y that was just unbelievable.

Woman: I know what you are looking at.
Santa apologetically, "I am sorry, Ma'm. This would not happen again".
Woman: That's perfectly OK. I know I'm not wearing my panties but one thing you don't know is that my pu$$y can do funny things...

Santa: Like what?
Woman: It can wink.
Santa: Show me how?
The woman lifted her skirt and made her clean shaved pu$$y wink at the Santa.
Santa: Wow! It's amazing.
Woman: It can blow a kiss as well and she made her nice white lips blow a kiss at Santa.
Santa got completely floored by this and was in awe of what he just saw.
Woman who was completely hot and wet and wanted some action said to Santa, "You can come next to my seat and put your fingers in my pu$$y".
Santa: Fcuk, don't tell me it can whistle, too!

sik

Posts: 2391

#1118 17 Feb 2013 at 3.45pm

An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying in bed for a few minutes, the old man cut a fart and says, "seven points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later, the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about ten minutes, the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this, the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

The old man strains really hard, but to no avail -- he can't fart.

So not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart.

Straining, the old man tries so hard, he sh1ts the bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides


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