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 #1178 24 Feb 2013 at 6.27am | |   |
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Katie Price is at the clinic having her new pregnancy checked out.
"And if we scan here, we can see the babys head!" beams the nurse
"Thats great!" says Price
All of a sudden the nurse looks concerned.
"Whats up?" says Price
"It appears theres something else in your womb, something much larger in the background!"
"Oh don't worry about that, thats Bob the Paparazzi photographer, he's doing some pictures for Hello! magazine."
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#1177 23 Feb 2013 at 7.28pm | | |
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At a job interview.
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a **** what you think."
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#1176 23 Feb 2013 at 12.29pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1172
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#1175 23 Feb 2013 at 10.24am | | |
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In reply to Post #1165
nearly wet myself laughing at that one
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#1174 23 Feb 2013 at 9.22am | | |
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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...
o O
...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
O o
I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your @rsehole before prison, ..."
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#1173 23 Feb 2013 at 8.43am | | |
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In reply to Post #1171
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#1172 22 Feb 2013 at 10.24pm | | |
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A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in coronation street, 'Have you been drinking young lady?' he askes her, to which she replied,
'Yes, i've just had a pint of webster's!'
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#1171 22 Feb 2013 at 10.22pm | | |
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Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is randy.
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#1170 22 Feb 2013 at 9.45pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1169
There once was a man from Brighton,
who said to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She said, "Pardon my soul,
But you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one."
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#1169 22 Feb 2013 at 9.41pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1168
How do you make three pounds of fat look attractive?
Put a nipple on it.
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#1168 22 Feb 2013 at 9.39pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1167
A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"
"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears."
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#1167 22 Feb 2013 at 1.38pm | | |
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what do spurs have that oscar pistorius doesn't?
bale
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#1166 21 Feb 2013 at 6.07pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1165
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#1165 21 Feb 2013 at 6.01pm | | |
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In reply to Post #1164
Paddy set Mick up with a a date and says "she's a lovely girl but there's something you should know.
She's expecting a baby."Mick shrugs his shoulders and say's "OK. I'll give it a go."
The next day Paddy sees Mick and say's "How did it go last night then?"
Mick replies "Not too good.She was half an hour late and l felt a right ***** sat at the bar wearing a nappy and
a f--king bib....
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#1164 21 Feb 2013 at 5.53pm | | |
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What do you call a man with no legs?
F--k all he might shoot you.
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