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   Old Thread  #1138 18 Feb 2013 at 8.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!

John goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown". John just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok?" In a very weak voice John says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." John said, "Oh Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'"
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   Old Thread  #1137 18 Feb 2013 at 8.18pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1136 18 Feb 2013 at 7.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I remember my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy packet of condoms at. A pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a shop and ask for that kind of stuff.

It was a girl working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

Then she beat the sh1t out of me....

Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
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   Old Thread  #1135 18 Feb 2013 at 7.42pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1134 18 Feb 2013 at 7.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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what have women and tornado's got in common.....

they are both wet and windy, when they leave they take half the house with them
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   Old Thread  #1133 18 Feb 2013 at 7.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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what have women and KFC got in common.....

well, when you have finished with the breast and thigh, you a have greasy bucket to stick you bone in.
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   Old Thread  #1132 18 Feb 2013 at 3.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As I walked away from the urinal, and headed for the door, the bloke who was stood next to me shouted over his shoulder "When I was young, I was taught to wash my hands after having a piss"

"Well, when I was young, I was taught not to piss all over my hands" I replied.
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   Old Thread  #1131 18 Feb 2013 at 2.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My Thai girlfriend keeps saying a small penis is not embarrassing and it shouldn't break us up.I don't know, I'd still rather she didn't have one.
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   Old Thread  #1130 18 Feb 2013 at 11.42am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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My car recently broke down,so i took it to Kevin Webster's garage.But he said he doesn't touch anything over 10 yrs old!
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   Old Thread  #1129 18 Feb 2013 at 11.39am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1128 18 Feb 2013 at 10.47am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1127 18 Feb 2013 at 8.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1126 18 Feb 2013 at 7.50am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnnys mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Johnny came running in saying, "Mommy! Grandma has shrimp!"
Johnnys mom asked him, "What are you talking about, Johnny?"
"Grandma has shrimp! Come see!"
So they go into the livingroom and there's grandma in a skirt asleep on the couch, legs spread with no panties on.
Johnny says, "See? Grandma has shrimp!"
Johnnys mom says, "Oh Johnny, that's not shrimp, that's a clitoris"
"I don't know about no clitoris," Johnny says, "But it sure tastes like shrimp to me
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   Old Thread  #1125 17 Feb 2013 at 5.25pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1124 17 Feb 2013 at 5.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said to me "What's the big deal about eating horse meat? I used to eat horse meat all the time in my last job."

I asked her "Really? What job was that then?"

"Porn star" She replied.
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