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   Old Thread  #1286 11 Mar 2013 at 10.53am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
little Johnnie's father took him to class his first day of school. Johnnie's dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don't make a bet with him you can't win. The teacher agreed. When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, teach I'll make a bet with you,she replied ok what? Johnny said I'll bet you fifty dollars I can tell you what color panties you have on. she agreed and told him after the last bell he was to stay in the room and then he could guess. while Johnny and the class were at recess the teacher took her panties off and put them in her purse. when school was out Johnny stayed in the classroom and the teacher locked the door and said okay Johnny what color are they? He replied yellow. so the teacher raised her dress and said no your wrong, I'm not wearing any. Johnny asked her to walk him out to his dads car and he would get her money. so as Johnny passed his dad going to the car the teacher told his dad that Johnny finally got beat. He said what do you mean she said Johnny bet me fifty dollars he could tell me what color panties I had on so I took them off. The father replied that son of a bitch he bet me a hundred dollars he could see your pussy before the end of the day
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   Old Thread  #1285 10 Mar 2013 at 7.53pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
"Your heart, lungs, pulse & blood pressure are fine." said the doctor to the female patient.

"Now let me see that little thing which gets you Ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The woman swings into action, removes her knickers and spreads her legs.

"No, No,Put your clothes back on," said the doctor"Just show me your fukcing tongue!"
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   Old Thread  #1284 10 Mar 2013 at 12.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I got home at 3 am,steaming drunk,and half a kebab down my shirt.my wife had a fit.
i thought i'll sort her out in the morning, I'm not going to let her epilepsy ruin my night".
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   Old Thread  #1283 10 Mar 2013 at 12.27pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in the pub with my mate last night when he walked off to the toilet leaving his phone on the table.As i was just about to up date his face book status,it started ringing and i could see it was my wife's number,"Hello"i said,answering it."Hey sexy"she purred,"i'm currently masturbating on the bed and i want you to come here and .f--k me." "you silly bitch,"i said,"Why didn't you just ring my phone?"
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   Old Thread  #1282 10 Mar 2013 at 8.11am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My mate Dave asked me what I had bought for Mothers Day.

"Stockings, silky underwear, lube, a few new sex toys to try out and have booked a room for the two of us at the Hilton."

"Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate mate?" He replied.

"Oh no its not for my Mum mate, it's all for yours."
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   Old Thread  #1281 9 Mar 2013 at 7.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard.
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   Old Thread  #1280 9 Mar 2013 at 11.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1278
thats very good!
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   Old Thread  #1279 8 Mar 2013 at 10.07pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said to me, "Ian,
make me feel like I'm 15 again".

So I ate a pack of Scampi Fries and made her sniff my fingers.
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   Old Thread  #1278 8 Mar 2013 at 3.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1277
A Catholic walks into a Mosque - the Imam asks "Why the wrong faith?"
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   Old Thread  #1277 8 Mar 2013 at 5.22am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a horse walks into a bar,the bartender asks why the long face,the horse incapable of understanding the human language promply sh1ts on the floor and leaves..
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   Old Thread  #1276 7 Mar 2013 at 10.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife wants me to have a chat with our son because she caught him watching gay porn.

He said, "Dad, it said it was football, I didn't know."

"That's ok, son," I smiled. "Tell me this, what do you hate the most?"

He replied, "Cricket, why?"

"No reason," I said, changing my porn file name to 'Fastest Spin Bowlers'.
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   Old Thread  #1275 7 Mar 2013 at 9.59pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two Women were chatting in office..

Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??

Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??

Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??

Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??

Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the fcuking house
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   Old Thread  #1274 7 Mar 2013 at 8.55pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1273 7 Mar 2013 at 8.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1272 7 Mar 2013 at 8.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Little Johnny Came Down For Breakfast One Morning And Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Up In Bed”

So The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And Ate His Breakfast And Went Out To Play.

Then He Came Back In For Lunch And Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”

And The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And He Ate His Lunch And Went Out To Play.

Then The Little Johnny Came In For Dinner And Once Again He Asked His Grandma.

Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”

Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”

And The Little Johnny Started To Laugh And His Grandmother Asked.

Grandmother: “What Give’s? Every Time I Tell You They’re Still Up In Bed You Start To Laugh! What Is Going On Here? ”

The Little Johnny Replied: “Well Last Night Daddy Came Into My Bedroom And Asked Me For The Vaseline And I Gave Him Super Glue Instead
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